Lifestyle Under Threat

download

It’s been two decades since I got into the kink scene for the first time, and so much has changed. Sit back, relax, and let me tell you younglings about how things were back in the day.

In the 90’s, religious groups would advertise fake kink meetups so they could prey upon anyone who showed up. It was mostly Mormons, but Christians did it too. I grew up in Arizona, and there was a kink group called Arizona Power Exchange, or APEX. They advertised their meetups with fliers at popular counter-culture hangouts like The Graffiti Shop on Mill Avenue. Unfortunately, they couldn’t stop Mormon prayer groups from putting out fliers for fake events, and then telling any “sinner” who showed up how they needed to be saved.

0dc0223492f089f0a484df2e1ac9d774--rope-art-tied-up

This is how I came to understand that kinky people were discriminated against by society, and it’s also how I came to hate Mormons. I actually wish Hell was real so those fucks could burn in it.

However, it wasn’t just Mormons and other religious nut-balls who preyed upon us. There were a lot of physiologists who saw kink as a disease of the mind. They claimed that things like rape fantasies made you “sick” and “dangerous.” They tried to lure people into special counselling groups and get them on medication, while lying to them about how unusual they were.

The cat is out of the bag, thanks to the Internet. In a new book called Everybody Lies, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz explains that Google searches show us for who we really are, and most of us have rape fantasies and dream of violent sex. So kinky people were not persecuted for being different- as we had always been told. Rather, we were persecuted for doing something that everyone secretly wanted to do, because we were actually doing it.

images

It’s ironic, because I remember fellow kinksters saying things like: “They’re just jealous; they wish they had sex like us!” Then we all laughed because it was a joke to us to imagine those bigots being in touch enough with their sexuality to negotiate a scene and play it out. And yet, it turns out it was true. They were always just jealous.

These days, BDSM is no longer in the DSM as a mental disorder. Psychologists and medical doctors are instructed to treat us normally. Sometimes, they actually do.

We got to enjoy the era of CollarMe.com and Fetlife.com and the rise of munches and fetish proms in every city. We got to enjoy kinky people simply going about our lives and being treated with only mild disdain, instead of being thrown in prison. And those younglings who came into the community during this time of openness and acceptance might not realize how dangerous it used to be to be kinky.

b1e4a0851d63da7985595aef8d5e738a--rope-knots-rope-art.jpg

However, our freedoms are under attack. Now that we are threatened, we need to remember what it was like before we were free to meet and be and who we were. We need to look back at our history, and remember that there are people in prison right now for things like having rape fantasies. (Yes, I know one. He was convicted back when kink was still seen as a disorder and we were still considered dangerous.)

They are taking down websites. They use the excuse that these websites “could be used for sex trafficking,” but we all know that is bullshit. My Facebook profile says I am a guy, and I get TONS of spam from hooker-bots on Facebook, so any website can be used for sex trafficking. If I can buy a hooker on Facebook, I can buy one anywhere (since Facebook is where all the old grannies hang out.)

In Congress, they just decided that it’s okay for states to ban gay couples from adopting. This is in spite of all the studies which prove that gay couples are often better parents than straight couples (since they don’t have their kids by accident.)

download (1)

If you are a youngling that never lived through a fake kink meetup put on by religious people who blocked the door to keep you from leaving and shouted hateful shit at you, then you might not see the writing on the wall. That is why I am telling you: Attacks on marginalized people like sex workers and gay couples are attacks on us. They are coming at us one subgroup at a time, and they are working hard to criminalize everything about who we are.

What we have built over the years is something I am so proud of. The kink community used to be full of exploitative Doms and abused women. And yet from that, we built a healthy community full of supportive networks of people. We built websites and clubs and spaces where kink could be safe. I am so proud of us and of all the things we have created for safe, sane, and consensual kinky sex.

Seeing the government begin to attack us again is terrifying. Having someone like Mike Pence in the White House is probably the scariest thing I can think of. I know everyone focuses on the buffoon in the spotlight, but he is deeply irrelevant. Pence is the one who is part of the Quiverfull Movement (a group of religious extremists whose ultimate goal is to force all women into the home and to force Christian values and straight vanilla sex on us all.) All the dangerous legislation against us is coming from Pence. And this is something we need to be talking about.

If you are kinky, then politics needs to matter to you. I know it’s easier to avoid it and to just not talk about it, but we can’t do that. We have to fight for the community that we have built, and fight against those who would take our freedom to fuck in fun ways away from us. You might think it can’t get that bad, but it was that bad twenty years ago. It can be again.

11156410_1439213159707980_1056073201501828197_n_original

Please vote. Please write to your elected representatives. Please talk to people about the community and how we are just normal folks like them (as opposed to terrifying criminal sinners.) Be open about who you are and how you follow laws. Remind people that CONSENT is our biggest rule.

And as an aside, I wrote a trilogy of books to humanize us. They are modeled after a vanilla romance novel (I read about 30 vanilla romance novels before writing them to get the formula right.) However, the main character is kinky. She starts out a little kinky, and then evolves into a polyamourous dominatrix. The point of the series is to teach vanilla people about consensual kink and how normal and non-threatening it is.

So, if you know a vanilla person who might need that lesson, please buy them The Jamie Johnson Trilogy. It’s not anything super-special to us kink folks (all the kink scenes are pretty tame and standard.) But that is because it’s intent is not to shock. Rather, it is to lull the vanilla folks into a sense of security because we’re just normal human beings who have a few whips and chains in our closet, and it’s not a big deal.

You probably don’t have time to write novels, but any form of activism you choose to do is equally valid. Just fight. Please. We all need to fight for our right to be kinky!

Dating Separately vs Dating Together

My husband and I live on an isolated island, so we don’t have much opportunity to date. We’re in the middle of nowhere and it’s a very small community. (Thankfully we move to Oahu at the end of this year and so this forced monogamy is almost over!)

However, when we have the chance to date (everywhere but here), we usually do it separately. He does his thing; I do my thing. And then we meet up and share thoughts and feelings together.

On rare occasions, we have been lucky enough to find someone who was interested in both of us. One of the amazing humans who we had played with when we lived in Korea came to see us recently, and we all spent a week together. And, I guess I am just thinking about how sometimes that can work out.

I mean, it’s harder.

If I date someone that my husband does not date, that is one relationship.

If he dates someone that I do not date, that is a second relationship.

And then, since we are seeing each other, that makes a total of three relationships.

However, when you have a triad, there is so much more going on. You have each individual relationship on it’s own (his with her, his with me, me with her, me with him, her with him, her with me.) But then, you also have the overall dynamic when you are together. It’s an added layer of complication that I don’t usually opt for. I mean, I like to keep things simple. Extra stuff tends to make things more complicated.

But, I just want to celebrate the fact that sometimes it works out. With this one amazing, special, beautiful unicorn, it has always worked out. It’s never awkward of weird; just happy.

Those moments when things really go well are so rare and so awesome that I am just glad, and I just wanted to give a shout out to all the people who like to date couples and who blend seamlessly into what is already going on. Thank you for existing.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

I realize that religion is completely irrelevant to kink. Please forgive me for this post which is out of character for my blog. It’s just that I have been MIA from the blog for a bit because I have written a very silly book. Now that it is done, I would love it if you guys could help me out with spreading the word. I promise it’s worth a look.

The book is called The New Testament of The Flying Spaghetti Monster; Dinner 2.0, and it is available for free here.

It is the bible for The Unitarian Church of Pasta; a more inclusive sect of Pastafarianism than has been previously conceived. The older style of Pastafarianism favored pirate garb and a heaven that was full of strippers and beer volcanoes. The New Testament doesn’t refute any of that, but it does suggest that some folks may prefer a nice glass of scotch and women who are not paid to pretend to like them. In other words, it’s not attacking the old church, but rather, adding to it.

While it is meant to be a funny book, it is also meant to address some of the problems in the world, and ways that Pastafarians may wish to work towards solving them. Yes, there are jokes. But it is my hope that there are also some noodles of wisdom mixed in that might appeal to folks. So, if you are already a Pastafarian, please check it out. If you are not already a Pastafarian; that’s okay (nobody’s perfect!) But, there has never been a better time to check out the most delicious religion on the market.

Please add the Prophet Violet Johnson as a friend on Facebook if you can, and “like” the Unitarian Church of Pasta page. It would also be great if you could follow the church on Twitter, and on Tumblr as well, if you wouldn’t mind. You’ll be getting in on the ground floor of what is going to be the most hilarious sect of Pastafarianism yet, and I promise you won’t be disappointed.

 

Thank you so much to all of you. I know I don’t return as many e-mails as I should (but thank you for sending them!) And, I know I don’t update the blog as often as I should. But you guys are the best, and I appreciate every single one of you.

 

 

Happy Pride

It’s Pride month, and I just want to wish you all a very happy Pride. That includes the people who are out, and the people who are in the closet, and everyone in between. That includes the gay people, the bi people, the pan-sexual people, and the asexual people. Whatever you are, it’s okay to be proud of yourself in spite of your lack of representation in culture and media. Everyone is valid. Everyone matters. And just because our stories aren’t being told; doesn’t mean we aren’t important.

I consider myself to be a boy in a girls body (so both genders,) as well as pan-sexual, poly-amorous, and kinky. There are no people like me in movies or on TV shows. There are no books with heroes or heroines that I can identify with. My orientation is always something I have to explain, because it’s not hetero so its “not normal.”

And you know what? I am still proud. I am a fabulous, adventurous, fun person and I have nothing to be ashamed of. That goes for all of you, as well. We are awesome, and we should have Pride!

Fight Back

slideshow_1066632_MIL_THE_1960S_9IB.JPG_397662

Yesterday I was shocked to find Jim Jeffries (a comedian I usually enjoy) talking about how internet porn is ruining America, and how we should all go back to the 1990’s when technology was “the best.” He went on to talk with his guest about how horrible the modern world is, and how his nightmare is his son having access to virtual reality porn. It wasn’t a gag or a joke, either. He was serious.

This is upsetting, because attitudes about sex were more liberal in the past. How can the very same people who were fucking like rabbits when they were young now be passing laws to take away sex education, abortion rights, and sex worker’s rights? They are also the ones passing laws against free love and kink.

The Cockettes at the Bush

I have a friend who grew up in the 60’s. She left home at 17 and hitchhiked around the country before settling down and working as a Dominatrix. Back then, attitudes were more liberal, and no one really shamed her for her actions.

Granted, the 60’s had its problems. Women and minorities had less rights than they do now. They were only allowed to work in certain jobs, and women weren’t even allowed to have credit cards. Plus, sexual assault was rampant and went unpunished far more often than it does now.

However, it baffles me that we -as a species- got that progressive about sex before suddenly turning around and become puritanical again.

global-cafe-1

If you stand back and look at it, it’s almost like they are punishing us. We are asking them to stop being racist and sexist and to act with more respect towards women and minorities. Their response is to think:

What did I really enjoy when I was a kid? Oh, free love. Let me make sure no young person ever gets to have the fun that I had.”

It may not actually be out of spite. I can’t think of another reason, but maybe there is one. Either way, it is unacceptable for people who started cults and nudist colonies and orgy parties to suddenly judge the younger generation because we like whips and chains. I beg you, kinky people, to fight for your rights! Call your congressional representatives and tell them that you disapprove of laws that take away our rights, and of FOSTA-SESTA, which will soon take away every online space that we have to meet.

download

Without safe spaces like Fetlife.com, we will have nowhere to meet up or make plans. And any time you drive something into the shadows, you invite crime and victimization of the people in that community. This is a dangerous time for us, and there is only one way to respond to danger:

Kick its fucking ass.

I know your average mundane person responds to danger with fear. It might even be your first instinct. However, we are better than that. We are the BDSM community, and we are not a bunch of cowards who can be pushed into the shadows and made to feel ashamed. I refuse to be intimidated by people who had massive orgies at Grateful Dead concerts. They are the last people who should be trying to stop others from having fun. We can’t let them!

I am not a Satanist (as it happens, I am a member of the Unitarian Church of Pasta) but I do like one thing that Anton LeVey wrtote in the Satanic Bible. If someone attacks you, do not turn the other cheek. Instead, smite them! Crush them beneath your boot for their arrogance and cruelty! When someone brings the fight to you, fight back!

So please, if you care about the kink community, write to your Congressional Representatives and fight for our rights!

naked

Persecution of Kink

download

I have been to several sex clubs and sex-related parties around the world. My favorites include Club Desire in Seoul, and The Velvet Rope in Portland. I have a lot of good memories there, and I hope to get to go back some day.

Most cities don’t grant zoning for a sex club. Portland happens to be one of the few places that does, and so The Velvet Rope is “legal.” Meanwhile Seoul does not grant zoning for a sex club, so Club Desire is “illegal.”

I don’t know why anyone thinks they should have a right to tell grown-ass consenting adults what to do in private clubs. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why it’s anyone’s fucking business.

sex-clubs-in-ohio-2

Yet, there is a worldwide crackdown going on, and it’s targeting open-minded people who like to have fun.

Recent reports came out about a club in Thailand where consenting adults (mostly married couples) attended an orgy were treated as though they were criminals. First off, if a hotel of all places can’t host an orgy then who the hell can?!? But more than that, how dare the news outlets write it up like the attendees were criminals? They broke no laws, and were released without charges. But of course they were, because having consensual sex is not illegal yet.

Just the next day reports came in about Fetlife parties being hosted at a private home in Colorado. All the windows were shut and shuttered and no one broke a single law, but the news still wrote it up as though people having consensual sex was a crime! The residents admit that no noise ordinances were being violated and there was literally no law at all being broken, but said they still planned to stop it.

hqdefault

All this comes in the wake of the US law FOSTA-SESTA being passed. This law claims to “stop sex trafficking.” However, what it really does is give the government a license to shut down any website where a person could meet a sex worker. Oh sure, it started with Backpage and the Craigslist Personals, but do you think they are going to stop there?

After all, I have had prostitutes solicit me on Tinder and OkCupid. I have my gender set to “male” on Facebook and I get sex workers trying to add me all the time on there. They claim to be “models” but then offer to meet up for money.

download (1)

Basically; our freedom to be kinky and have fun sex is being attacked from every angle. After all, you may be able to get a prostitute on OkCupid, but we don’t use it for that. We use it to meet other kinky people because they have questions that allow you to imply that you are into kink and get matches of other people who are as well.

Of course, I am saying that kink is in danger from all of this -and it is- but that’s not the only issue. I may selfishly be more worried about kink than other aspects of this law because it has a direct effect on me. However, this also really puts sex workers in danger, and I think that is something that everyone should be upset about.

There will always be people who sell their bodies. Coal miners, for example. They are going to die of black lung, but they choose money over their health and do a job that makes them sick. Workers in oil fields are the same, as are fire-fighters. If you put your life and health in danger for money, then you are selling your body.

sesta-death_400x400

Yet sex work is treated differently from these other types of selling your body. Why? It’s the same thing, except the health risks are not as bad. And like all other ways that you can sell your body, these people should be allowed to have unions, healthcare, and everything else any other job has. Instead, we are going the other way and taking away their rights and their safety.

Critics will say “This is about victims of sex trafficking” and then they will lie to you and quote over-inflates statistics for how many people are the victims of trafficking. Don’t get me wrong; sex trafficking does sometimes happen. It is a big deal and we should absolutely stop it. However, it’s far less common that conservatives would have you believe, and the only way to fight it is by legalizing sex work.

I am from Arizona. In Arizona you have to get a license to be an exotic dancer. This licensing requirement helps make sure that all the girls are of legal age, consenting to what they are doing, and not trafficking victims. It is a way to make sure that those girls are doing what they want to be doing. I think it costs $15, so it’s not hard to get. You fill out a couple forms and *BOOM* you’re legal.

images

If we did this same thing for prostitution, we could easily catch all trafficking victims and rescue them immediately.

Keeping things in the shadows makes it easy for abuse to happen. Bringing things into the light, on the other hand, helps protect people and stop abuse. There is no way around it; because this is backed up by data from the US and from many other countries. Legal and regulated sex work saves lives, and it stops human trafficking.

Meanwhile, “busting” sex clubs, orgies, and sexy parties just makes you a fascist dickbag. And taking down websites just because someone might meet a sex worker on one of them is insane. You could meet a sex worker on nearly any website on the internet. If you want to shut down all websites where someone can meet someone, all that will be left is places to buy things. It’ll be a digital storefront and nothing else. That is not the internet that anyone should want.

stop-sesta-og-2

Attraction is Complicated

images (6)

I often have people ask me what I find attractive. Actually, I should be more specific. I often have men ask me what I find attractive.

It’s not really something women ask me (because I think they understand that it’s complicated.)

I was thinking about this while I was swimming the other day, and I want to break it down in terms of science, and then relate it to me.

I know this isn’t exactly about kink, but everyone wonders about how attraction works, regardless of if they are kinky or not.

chalenge-a-woman-3

Men

To start, men are very simple.

They are attracted to the way that someone looks. This is because men are visual creatures, and the majority of their attraction is to appearance. Sometimes they try to consciously look for non-visual characteristics in a mate (Example: A man might look for a woman who does not have thousands in credit card debt or who does not have children.)

However, they all admit that if a very hot woman who didn’t fit their desired parameters at all was willing to have sex with them, they would do it in a heartbeat.

What this means is that for men, the sexual desire that they feel is based pretty much entirely on looks.

Interestingly, their conscious brains have very little to do with it. According to recent studies, men are doing calculations each time they look at a woman without even realizing it. Are her hips wide enough? Is her face symmetrical? Are her features balanced?

This makes sense, from the perspective of evolution. They are driven to mate with women who look like they have good genes. The only cues they have the ability to assess are the physical. So, they go off physical cues.

It’s very straight-forward.

men-attracted-to-her

Women

On the other hand, women are not instinctively looking for visual cues. We’ll talk about conscious preferences in a minute, but first we need to look at what happens in a women’s lizard brain (which is the loving nickname for the mid-brain; the most primitive part of us where instincts originate from.)

Women are not consciously aware that they can smell genetic compatibility. However, in studies involving white T-shirts worn by various men, women were able to pick the shirt worn by the most compatible mate more than 80% of the time. In other words: they could smell the best man to make babies with.

Note: They were not smelling the most genetically superior man. This is a popular misconception. It’s so much more interesting than that. Women in the studies were able to pick the man whose genes were most compatible with her own genes. This means that somewhere in a women’s lizard brain, she is aware of her own genes. She is able to determine through smell what genes a man has, and she is then able to calculate a mate who is compatible.

This calculation of genetic compatibility is complex, and something that computers and software were only recently able to do. Yet somehow (probably through smelling various protein markers) a woman’s mid-brain can do this calculation with startling accuracy.

Now, this does not mean that a woman does not also have physical preferences. For example, I love long hair on men. It’s devastatingly sexy. I like to play with it, run my fingers through it, and to feel it on my skin when I am having sex. I love everything about long hair. So that is an example of a physical preference.

If women only paid attention to these, all my partners would have had long hair, right? But they didn’t.

download (1)

Another thing to note is that women are more likely to take other factors into account, such as how successful a man is. In my case, I prefer for them to be less successful so they don’t get all fussy about trying to tell me what to do. I prefer for no one to have power over me, and I am notorious for bringing long-haired homeless boys home with me. However, many women prefer a man who is more successful because they want to breed, and they would feel safer making a human if they knew that human was likely to be cared for.

To sum up: Women are consciously considering cues like how a man looks and how successful he is. This does not happen on an instinctual level like it does for a man, meaning that on these things, you can probably change her mind. If you are charming enough or emotionally compatible enough, she will probably be willing to consider you even if you are not “her type.”

However, there is an added dimension which has only recently been explained by science. For thousands of years we as a species have baffled over the cases where a woman runs off with a man who is objectively not attractive, and who has no money or position in life. By the same token, we as a species have been puzzled by the women who sees a man with all the things she states as desires, (such as money and beauty and kindness;) but she simply can’t make herself love him.

We finally understand that in these cases, it is a matter of genetic compatibility.

It turns out that sometimes a woman runs across a man who has a very high degree of genetic compatibility, and she cannot resist him. He may be the opposite of everything she dreamed of and in no position to support children, but she will be drawn to have sex with him because his genes compliment hers perfectly.

Twice in my life I have felt this animal attraction for someone where I felt unwilling to fight it.

images (7)

Story Time

To give you an idea of how intense attraction can be: I was working at a job I loved. I was in a relationship with someone I cared about. My friend and I were running a local music magazine and it was going really well. Everything in my life was just about prefect.

One night, I went to Goth Night at a local club. I was there to sell tickets for an upcoming show. As I was walking around talking to people, a sweaty young man walked up to the bar passing within less than in inch of me.

I found myself turning around and finding an excuse to talk to him. He asked me to dance. Now, I don’t dance. It’s not my thing, and I am not very good at it. And yet, I found myself out on the dance floor, grinding against a boy who had short hair, a sort of a goofy face, and a Texas accent that made him sound like a complete idiot. There was nothing at all about him that was “my type,” and yet I was drawn to him like a pregnant woman to a pickle.

Within a week of meeting this dumb, uninteresting Texan, I was begging my friend if we could borrow her bathroom to have sex. Within a month of meeting him, I ran away with the Renaissance Festival.

The sex wasn’t even good.

At the time, I really couldn’t explain myself. I told myself that I must have been bored with my life. I must have been unhappy, right? It’s so hard to explain your behavior when you really don’t have any idea why you did something. People are programmed to make up a narrative to explain the world to themselves, and I did try. But all the narratives about being bored or unhappy felt hollow, because I had actually had a pretty great life.

Of course, now I know better. I know that me and that dumbass Texan just happened to have genes that fit unusually well together. I couldn’t smell it consciously, but my lizard brain knew all along.

Typically this sort of thing only happens once in a lifetime. After all, most of the time we are all well-showered and wearing scents that cover up our natural smells. In addition, most people don’t go around rubbing up against others all the time. In fact, your average person keeps a reasonable distance from others most of the time.

The thing is; I was a promoter. I spent a lot of time in mosh pits, and clubs, and in close quarters. Therefore, I definitely increased my odds of being able to smell genetic compatibility because of my lifestyle.

Hot-Girl-Ugly-Husband-e1326174732623

However, the second time wasn’t because of that.

My boyfriend was this glamorous Goth boy with beautiful long hair and cherry red lips. He was so pale that he looked dead every time he fell asleep. He was good in bed, had a nice size penis, and made me laugh. I really liked him.

One night he was busy, and he asked his friend to give me a ride home from the bar. This was my boyfriend’s best friend, so I had been around him plenty of times before. However, he was usually fastidious about cleaning himself and wearing cologne. It just so happened that this night, he had been asleep and sweating before my boyfriend woke him up to go get me.

As soon as I got in the car, I was overtaken with a desire to kiss him. He knew it too. I could see it on his face. He looks surprised and pleased. It made me so mad.

I should note that my boyfriend was the hot one, and his friend was the dud. He was prematurely bald, chubby, and had a face with unbalances features. He was not attractive. In fact, I had always felt sort of sorry for him because he was so ugly, and standing next to my boyfriend made him look even worse. And yet that one night, I looked at his crooked teeth and his oddly placed eyes, and I wanted to kiss him.

Of course, I learned my lesson about fucking up my life, and I didn’t do anything.

In fact, I went home and had fabulous sex with my boyfriend and forgot all about it.

Ten years later, I ran into the friend again. I had long since left the pretty Goth boy, and even moved to another city. However, I was back visiting some friends and I ran into Goth boy’s best friend.

His looks had not improved. He never got braces, and his teeth had become more snarled and unappealing. His hairline had receded even further, and the odd shape of his head made his forehead seem huge like the aliens from 1950’s cartoons. He had developed a sort of lisp (I supposed because of his teeth?) and he made an annoying smacking noise when he talked. He was chubby and the overall shape of his body was somewhat like an old armchair that is left on the curb on trash day.

However, I felt this animal attraction (which I was crazy ashamed of.)

Since there was no reason outside of his general grossness to avoid sleeping with him, I did. It was extremely satisfying, although the sex was only mediocre. I ended up sleeping with him for a few months before moving overseas to teach. I even let him come visit me in my little apartment overseas, where we spent a week having lots of sex.

I am not proud of it. I tend to leave the pictures of him out of any photo albums. It’s not something I want to brag about. But, it totally happened.

Now you may say:

I don’t understand. He had bad genes. He lost his hair and his teeth were gross and he was fat and squishy.”

And that is the thing that makes genetics so complicated. Let’s say I have the gene for breast cancer, the gene for bad eyesight, and the gene for diabetes. This is just an example and it’s more complicated than this, but let’s just say that I had those bad genes. Now, Ashton might have had different bad genes, right? Baldness and bad teeth and all that. But, he didn’t have the gene for breast cancer or the gene for diabetes. That means that we were compatible, because our genes could combine to make a human with none of the bad qualities that we both possess.

Remember, evolution is not smart. In many cases the choice of what genes become part of the offspring is a crap shoot. It was also possible that we could have made a kid with all of our negative traits and none of the good ones.

However, when a woman smells genetic compatibility, she is smelling the fact that a man has the good genes that she lacks, and she wants to mate with him in order to give her offspring the chance to inherit the good genes. After all, if she picks a mate that has the gene for breast cancer and she also has it, then there is a 100% chance that the offspring will. So, giving them some chance is better than none.

It is also worth noting that the genes I found distasteful about Ash were all physical. He was physically unappealing. However, he was healthy. My conscious mind may care more about looks, but my lizard brain does not. It cares about health.

ugly-girl

Conclusion

So now that you know the mechanisms at work when a man finds something attractive, and the mechanisms at work when a woman finds someone attractive; would you say that women can answer the question of “What are you attracted to?”

It is my opinion that we can’t.

The follow up from men is always “Well what are you into?”

The answer to that is hilarious, if I am perfectly honest:

I am into anything that someone that I am attracted to wants to do.

No, really.

I couldn’t stand Ash, and I hate feet, but I still let him lick my feet. He wanted to, and I was desperately attracted to him. A horny woman will agree to pretty much anything, in my experience. I am actually somewhat disgusted about it now, but at the time I really couldn’t help myself. In fact, I agreed to do tons of things that had been hard limits for me in the past. I didn’t seem to be able to say no.

Of course, I don’t think all women are as bad as me. Most women seem to live a bit more in their heads, if you know what I mean. But I have always been a creature of instinct. I don’t know why I am so in touch with my primal desires, but I am.