Dick Pictures

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We have all gotten unwanted dick pictures out of nowhere.

You say “Hi, how are you?”

And they surprise you with an unwanted picture of a small, vein-covered penis.

Guys claim that they do it because they think that we want to see. But we know that’s not true, don’t we? The guys who send surprise penis pictures are trying to assert their dominance over a woman to feel good about themselves, just like the guys who cat call.

It’s like: “Haha, you looked at my dick! I own your eyeballs you slut.”


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A lot of this can be blamed on online dating, because of course, very few men used to flash their penises on first dates back when I was young.

Online dating is a real mixed bag.

It’s good, because you can more easily find someone who shares your interests. However it’s also bad, because anonymity can make some people into real assholes.

If someone has never met you in person, it can seem easier to spam your inbox with dick pictures. They don’t know you, so if you are offended, then who cares? You’re not a person yet.

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On the other hand, it’s more than just online dating and increased anonymity, in my opinion. There are some real issues that we are facing as a culture.

One example is how dating happens these days. We used to have a formula for it in the form of “courting.” There were set expectations and everyone knew what part they were supposed to play.

And yet, courting was inherently sexist, and so it died a slow death as feminism took hold and women started to get rights and become full citizens.

We still haven’t replaced it with anything.

“Netflix and Chill” is not dating. It’s just an excuse to hook up without the trouble of going to a club (because after all, Millennials are poor.)

I can’t help but feel like everyone, both men and women, are frustrated now. We don’t have a formula for how to relate to each other, and we’re all just muddling through trying to figure it out. That’s not easy for anyone, and frustrated people do rude things like sending unsolicited penis pictures to strangers.

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On top of that, there has been a switch from socializing in person at coffee shops and clubs to socializing online.

I am not saying that social media is bad. I really like social media! And, I think that it’s wonderful to be able to easily keep in touch with my friend in Pakistan or my friends in Korea.

However, some people don’t combine social media with actual social interaction. They become detached and distant from other people, and that makes them angry. These angry, detached people sometimes become something horrible: Men’s Rights Activists.

Basically, men’s rights activists think that they are at war with women (who are evil and only want to steal from them.) They do things like pose as interested suitors online, and then send dick pictures or say awful things. They plan dates, and then don’t show up. They actively try to hurt women for fun, and then they brag about it in online forums.

This is a problem we all need to take seriously, because we are in this life together and we need each other. Human beings are companionable animals. It’s important for men and women to fall in love, and to find happiness. Sewing the seeds of discord only lessens the potential joy of us all.

So the next time you get an unwanted penis picture, maybe don’t say “Ew, fuck off!”

Ask why they sent it. Try to talk to them (but not in person.) Let’s remember that “the battle of the sexes” was a ridiculous thing dreamed up by generations of the past. There is no need for us to carry it on.

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Promoting Your Blog

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I have never actually promoted this blog.

I wouldn’t really know how to start, I guess. I have had a few guest posts over the years, and those have helped gather me a few loyal fans.

I have even done a few guest posts as well, because I am told that is an important thing to do in order to network in the blogging world.

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In addition, I have written about some popular places like Club Desire, and that has helped me gain a few followers as well. And there’s posts about awesome places like The Velvet Rope and the CSPC. That helps.

It’s been three years, and I still only get about 150 hits a day on the site. However, I consider that pretty good when I think about how I started out “screaming into the void” without a single follower.

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However, I do want to ask for advice. I don’t want to hire an SEO company or anything sketchy like that.

I am just curious how other people promote their blogs, or if you had any suggestions. I am hardly a professional blogger. I just do this in my free time. However, I know some of you that read are professional bloggers, and I thought you might have tips.

As always, you can get in touch with me via my email at ladyvioletemail@gmail.com

(Or you can leave a comment on this post, of course.)

Thanks for reading!

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Be Welcoming

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Someone I care about is going through a break up.

On the one hand, that always sucks. No one wants to see people they care about in pain.

On the other hand, he’s always been interested in kink. And, his wife of nine years was not. In time, this break up might end up being an opportunity to explore more of himself.

At least, that’s what I hope.

The problem is that he doesn’t know anyone in his town who is into the kink scene, and he’s nervous about going to a munch by himself.

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I am so used to stopping in new places and being excited to pop in to a munch and meet new kinksters. I don’t think of them as scary; I think of them as a social affair.

However, I had to step back and think about my first kink event.

I was nervous. I didn’t know anyone, and I went by myself. At first, no one talked to me. I just hung out in the corner of the coffee shop and just watched people talking.

However, I went again the next week and the one after that. Eventually people did talk to me, and I started to make friends.


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I guess I just wanted to remind everyone that we all had a first munch. We all had those nervous feelings about jumping from fantasy to reality. The experience is universal, and it is something that we should all try to remember when we see a newbie at a munch.

Remember your first time. And when you see someone new, go say hello. Be friendly and be welcoming. Our community can always do with new members, and you never know what amazing new person you might meet.

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Just to Pester You

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I am sure you aren’t that interested.

Everyone hates that one friend who writes books and then wants you to care that they wrote books.

I get that.

But I did write some books… and I would like you to care.

You can find Book One here, and Book Two here.

Book Three should be out soon, and then the trilogy will be done.
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I even started a blog to write about the experience of writing novels, because I thought it might help with the publicity thing.

I mean, being an author isn’t a way to get rich.

But it would be cool if you could read one the books. Or at least, pretend you read them and encourage me.

I could use the help.

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Discovering Fetishes

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Recently I wrote a fetish series. For it, I did some extensive research into various fetishes that I had never really looked into before.

And of course, since then, I have been fantasizing about some of the things I researched.

I never thought much about furries before, other than to enjoy seeing them at fetish proms because I love the costumes. But, after looking into it, I guess I kind of want to hang out with a furry…

I mean, why not?


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Look how cute those costumes are? Don’t you at least a little bit want to try having sex with a fox? The anonymous nature of it, plus the weird disconnection from reality…

Anyway, I was just thinking about the old saying: “It’s only kinky the first time.”

Isn’t it funny how we all start out disgusted by things that we say are “too weird.” But then, after we look in to it, it actually starts to sound interesting.

Just a thought of the nature of kink and how preferences evolve over time.

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Bad Relationship Advice

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I guess it turns out that I can’t give vanilla relationship advice. I see everyone as kinky/poly because it’s how I am. I am prejudiced.

My cousin was here and she was talking wistfully about how she loves falling in love, and about how she’s never been in a relationship as long as her current one. She sounded bored.

Naturally, my first thought was “Oh, you could open up the relationship!”

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I even gave her my copy of Opening Up, and told her about how my poly relationship with my husband works. I didn’t even think about it. It seemed like the right thing to do.

It wasn’t until after she left that I realized I made a mistake.

Telling a normal vanilla person with a relatively sheltered life to open their relationship is bad advice. I shouldn’t have done it.

So I guess this is just an admission of my own mistake, and a warning to the rest of us to try not to give vanilla people kin advice.

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Tell Them They’re Sexy

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Sometimes people ask me how they can get their significant other to try new things. I get a lot of “I have a fantasy about this, but he/she would never go for it…”

If you want to make your sex life more exciting, you don’t need to buy toys or spend money. You can, but you don’t need to. The most important thing you can do is to make your significant other feel sexy.

Never underestimate the power of making someone feel gorgeous and wanted.

In my life, I have absolutely surprised myself by trying  lots of things I never thought I would. Every time, it was because someone made me feel sexy and fun and interesting, and I wanted to do new and exciting things with them because they made me feel that way.

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Sadly, I guess the first step is to see your partner as sexy.

I know that we hold both men and women to unrealistic standards of beauty these days, and so both men and women can sometimes have trouble seeing their partner as beautiful.

I don’t know what will work for you, but I have a few suggestions that might help:

1. Try switching from professional porn to amateur porn.

2. Try seeing the beauty of their personality shining out of their eyes.

3. Try focusing on features of theirs that you love.

Whatever you do, find a way to see them as sexy, and then make sure that they can feel your attraction and desire. It definitely makes for more exciting and adventurous sex!

Now, I don’t post pictures of myself or talk about myself a lot. However, I know a thing or two about feeling unattractive after spending three years in South Korea. I may have been considered smoking hot in the USA, but in Korea everyone called me fat constantly and told me to diet all the time. It absolutely made me want to have sex less, and be less adventurous.

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If you look at this picture (above) I am the one second from the left. You’ll notice that I am the fattest and least attractive person on that stage. That was pretty typical of my experiences in South Korea, and it absolutely affected how I felt about myself.

So take it from someone who knows, confidence is sexy. And to get confidence, you need feel hot. So do everything you can to make your partner feel attractive!