So is a thing

I feel the need to acknowledge that there is a kinky version of Facebook called Fetlife, and that many kink people meet up there. I did not include the web site on my reading list because of the scandalous stuff going on right now in the Fetlife community. I’m not going to speak on the subject, but I do feel the need to mention it, so consider it mentioned.

That left a bad taste in my mouth, so now for a nice picture of some sexy women:

Yay for naked lady statues at Love Land on the island of Jeju.

I’ve Seen Enough Hentai…

I’ve seen enough Hentai to know where this is going…

Sex shops in this country can be a bit disappointing. Overall there just aren’t enough places to shop for BDSM gear. I’m so grateful for the ability to shop online…

The sex parks here don’t disappoint though. They are nice and twisted. This is from Love Castle.

Aliens never seemed sexy, but now…

My rape fantasy

So far it’s awful having Mr. Knight here. I shouldn’t say that- because it’s always good to have a guy pal to play video games and drink beer and watch TV with. We’re actually having a blast in the sense that it’s all the things I like about having guy friends, but without the hassle of finding an excuse to hang out. That is always the annoying part when one has guy friends, you know? It’s nice to have those lazy Sundays drinking beer and watching TV, but it’s like you have to make a good excuse to have that because no one really feels like they’re allowed to go out of their way to make “guy time” without looking like a jerk or a pussy or some shit. There’s just a stigma there somehow…

Oh, and I guess I should explain that even though I am a girl, I identify as a boy. I always have. I just happen to live in a girl’s body, and it’s complicated. My sexuality is actually a long and boring mess. I could go into it in detail, but I won’t just now. Anyway, I like my guy time and Mr. Knight and I have fun. He’s a good geek pal to hang out with and I’m not going to fault him for needing to crash on my couch.

The real problem is the way Mr. Knight smells. As much of a guy’s guy as I am visually and emotionally and in most every way, my sense of smell is female and I am so turned on by the way Mr. Knight smells. It’s making me crazy.

His clothes are laying around and they smell like him. The bedding he uses is folded in the living room and it smells like him too. And when he hasn’t showered and he crawls up to the loft to talk… the urge to rape him is nearly impossible to control. He’d struggle because he’s still in love with his ex and he doesn’t want to get tangled up in my shit. But even when guys struggle and don’t want it, they still get hard because that’s just a reaction. Hell, the struggling would make it more hot. I’m strong and I could take him. I could tie him to the railing of the loft and suck him until he was hard, and then fuck him while he tried to get away…

Do you see the problem? This is what I have been having waking fantasies about. Who imagines raping their friend? I never thought of it before… but then I’d never noticed his smell before. It’s not like we’ve ever hugged or touched. We may have fist bumped once or twice to say hello or goodbye, but we usually maintain personal bubbles. Had he not moved in, I would never have known that this young, innocent little boy smelled so fucking amazing.

So now I can’t have Mr. Uptight or Mr. Nice Guy over because my one-bedroom split level apartment doesn’t have enough privacy. I also can’t have sex with Mr. Knight because it would be wrong (since he’s in love with someone else). It is now time to work out other options… I usually bring people to me because this is where my toys are. Now it would seem that travel is required.

Next weekend my plans are to go stay with Mr. Nice Guy on Friday night (he lives in an apartment) and then go see Mr. Uptight during the day (he lives on base and I can’t stay the night but I can visit…) We’ll see how play away from home works out for me…

Jumping on the bandwagon

I wasn’t even sure about writing a blog (and I’m still not.) Now I’ve been pushed into a Twitter account too. I don’t think I have a whole lot to say, but amid the encouragement of people far more enthusiastic than me, I am putting myself out there a little.

So, now I have to do this:

I just met you and this is crazy, but I’m on Twitter so follow me maybe? (Yes, I reddit too much.)

I think it looks like the Twitter Bird getting head. (Photo I took at Love Castle)

Sex all over my house!

I don’t even have non-sexy playing cards…

So this is the deck of cards I keep at home in case I want to play a game. I never thought about them as anything but cards until I had a prude vanilla kid living with me. Now I feel like everything in my entire apartment screams “SEX!!!” and Mr. Knight is cringing at every Playboy on the bookshelf and every picture on the walls. Today he wanted to play cards… and then he didn’t. I honestly never realized I was this bad.

Complication Arises

So a friend is moving in. He split up with his girlfriend and he needs a place to crash. We’re geek pals who share reddit jokes and play D&D together, so I can’t say no. It is going to be awkward though, since my place is a split-level one-bedroom and sound carries all too well.

We shall call this friend Mr. Knight, because he truly wishes he were a knight in shining armor. He wants to be valiant and brave. Oh course the reality is that he’s shy and unlikely to rush to the defense of any fair maidens, but he is a knight in his mind.

This is a good time to explain my policy on sex.

See, I have boundary issues. I’m never really sure where the line between friend and lover is, or why there should be a line. In most cases, I’ll sleep with someone just to see what they are like in bed. It helps me get to know them, and feel closer to them. If there is chemistry; great! If there’s not, then at least I learned something. Unlike most people, I do not find it awkward to be around someone I have slept with, and no one is capable of feeling awkward around me because I am too damn comfortable with myself to let anyone be uncomfortable in my presence.

There are good reasons not to sleep with people though, even for a magically delicious super slut.

The first should be because they are married, right? I’ve been attacked by enough crazy women to know that I should always be careful of the married ones. And yet… if they don’t respect their wedding vows it’s hard for me to do so. I don’t know their wives and for all I know they’re making them up to seem unavailable. As such, the married guy thing is a grey area. It depends on the guy, I guess. Plus, some of them are married but in open relationships, so you can never be too sure what’s what there.

I guess the verdict on married guys is maybe.

Second is more important. This is a hard no. I will never sleep with anyone who is in love with someone else. They can have a crush. They can have a past. They can have a lot of things that don’t make me shy away. Yet, if they are truly in love with someone else, I will never ever sleep with them. This is because I need to feel like the most important person in someone’s life. I do sleep around openly and allow all my partners to do the same, but they always like me best. I am confident that if a man is seeing two women and one of them is me, he likes me better every time. I’m that good. On the other hand, if they’re in love then that’s a whole other thing that I won’t even mess with. One does not compete with hormones and chemicals that have evolved over thousands of years.

So a hard no to being in love with someone else.

Last is the business relationship. Let’s say I meet you and I know we can set shit off together. I know you have social value. Well- then we’re not going to have sex. I won’t risk mixing sex with business because sometimes people can get weird about both, and I like for things in my life to be as simple as possible. It seems that when you add one complicated thing to one other complicated thing, the level of complicated escalates several more orders of magnitude than it logically should- so no business and sex.

Of those reasons why I will never sleep with someone, Mr. Knight falls under the category of “in love with someone else.” He may be on the outs with his girl right now, but there is no question at all about who his heart belongs to. He is hers, and since they are both mostly sweet and innocent and not into MDSM, it’s best to leave them to each other (even if they are unhappy.)

I know I will catch a ration of shit for Mr. Knight living here. I know everyone will assume we are having sex because they know I have boundary issues. I am aware of how much this is going to suck for me, and yet, one does not turn down a fellow geek in need. So now to figure out how to keep all my sexy time confined to everyone else’s house.

Can’t wait to tell the boys about the new edition to my living room…

Things to keep in mind about rope

Silk Rope

Here is some silk rope from Twisted Monk.

So I was talking about rope with someone, and I realized that is something I should write about.

First, I recommend hemp. I prefer the feel of silk rope and I have some coils of it right now, but it tends to unravel around the edges after a few years. Hemp is stronger and holds together better.

You only really need rope if you’re doing some fancy stuff, because I use kimono ties for light bondage and that’s fine. If you just want to tie someone up, almost anything will do. But if you want to get serious about making it look cool or about doing a rope suspension, then you need some good rope.

As to where you should get it, please don’t just go to a hardware store and try to find some! Pick up the good stuff, or you’ll regret it later. I recommend Twisted Monk, as they have loads of great rope and rope resources. Whatever you use, please be careful and keep something on hand to cut the rope with in case your submissive freaks out. I would highly recommend you get a rescue hook (see picture below).

This is good because you slide it under the rope and cut out, so it’s impossible to cut your submissive while untying them. They’re not very expensive and they’re handy tools when you need to end a scene quickly.

Climbing rescue hook

Used mostly by climbers who need to free themselves from a tangled line, this is what you want when you need to free a submissive quickly.

Another thing to keep in mind about rope is to never go too tight. It’s like breath play: You really should be careful because you don’t want to permanently damage your submissive. So please remember to be safe when playing with rope, okay kids?

Meet the boys

I feel in a bit of a funk as of late…

My religious pet whom I shall call Mr. Perfect was never going to be anything but a sexless coffee shop buddy. Oh sure- he’s tall, dark and handsome. He’s also desperately horny and barely hides it under all that awkward and overly-polite behavior. Yet, months of trying to talk some sense into him have failed utterly. It’s not just that he steadfastly believes in his god- it’s that he’s sure his god thinks sex is a terrible sin and he mustn’t do it unless he’s married. That’s problem for me, so we are at an impasse.

The thing about Mr. Pefect is; I really do enjoy his company. I adore fighting with him about his beliefs, and I would certainly do so much longer if he wasn’t moving back to California. It’s been a great year at coffee shops and language lessons. I even went with him to his church. Why not? It’s not as though I will burst into flames if I walk into one, (though I know some people who speculated that I would.)

Alas, there will never be any sex with Mr. Perfect. And now I have to say goodbye to him and it’s tearing me apart.

I did get him a parting gift though. It’s a book about a devil and an angel who become friends called “Good Omens.” I wrote on the inside cover that I adore him and always wanted him, but I doubt he’ll ever open the book. He’s the sort who borrows a book and then never gets around to reading it. Still, if he does, he’ll know that a wicked, wicked girl loved him. He was always terrified of me because of the fetish proms and stuff, and I knew deep down that I’d be unhappy if we ever got together because vanilla sex would bore me… but fantasies don’t make sense and I’ll miss dreaming of Mr. Perfect taking me in his arms and kissing me with those big, perfect lips.

He’s not the only one I want but can’t have either. I’m chasing a 20-year-old too, which should probably be against the law. The poor thing is far too young to realize what he’s being pursued by. I just can’t help myself though because he’s damaged as hell. He was molested by the babysitter and unloved by all his many step-parents and care-takers. He’s broken and it’s so attractive to someone like me who is also broken inside.

I’ll keep chasing Mr. Broken forever, but I’m starting to realize it’s not likely I’ll catch him. I think I’m older than the babysitter who molested him and, in any case, I can’t try too hard with someone who’s been raped. I know what that is like. So I keep him off to the sidelines and think of him as a random encounter (to use D&D terminology.) I do see his big, ice-blue eyes when I fall asleep sometimes though.

That only leaves me two others.

First there is Mr. Uptight. It’s not hard to convince him to have sex; it’s just not any fun. He’s impossibly frigid in bed- like a high school girl who just lays there and is afraid to even moan. I’m not really sure why, but my guess is that he’s got some serious thrill issues from watching dirty, dirty internet porn and he’s an engineer so naturally, he’s incapable of communicating. He could be having that crazy sex he wants. I’m about as twisted as they come. But I’m not a mind-reader and I’ll only put so much effort into trying to hear the words in someone’s head before I say “fuck it.” At least he has a 10-inch cock. That’s too big- if you ask me. However, since it seems the pain of thinking my vagina is going to be torn in half is all I am getting out of this, I may as well enjoy the novelty of it. One does not often get to fuck someone with a cock like a porn star.

I think the best part about fucking Mr. Uptight is seeing the Magnum wrappers all over the floor in the morning. I like when we have sex on the table, and then the chair or couch, and then in the morning there are little gold condom wrappers everywhere. That never fails to make me smile.

Then there is Mr. Nice Guy. As always when you have a bunch of boys around, I can see traits in him that would mesh well with traits in the others, if I was trying to make the perfect guy. Like, if I could slice them all apart and just take what I want, Mr. Nice Guy has some good qualities. He’s thoughtful, likes to give foot rubs and back massages, listens carefully and attentively to everything I say, and cares deeply. Also, he’s desperate for a mate (not just a lover) and the desperate wafts off him in a way that I find both appalling and cute.

Also, he’s very, very submissive and that always wigs me just a bit in guys. I love switches and I can handle submissive guys if they have pride. Mr. Nice Guy though… he mixes being a submissive with lacking self-confidence and it’s just too many types of desperate to handle at once. I’d be fine tying him up and beating him if I didn’t know he was unhappy- is all I mean.

Anyway the things about people is, the good is always offset by bad. There are no perfect people. So while they all have good qualities, they all have bad qualities too. I can’t just chop them up and take the bits I want, welding them together to make the perfect man. I am stuck using each of them for a small bit of what I want, and only being happy overall. This is why monogamy is bullshit. I hate the idea that I am supposed to get ALL THE THINGS from one person.

Anyway it feels like a bit of a funk lately, but I’m sure things will pick up again soon. They always do in my life.