Complication Arises

So a friend is moving in. He split up with his girlfriend and he needs a place to crash. We’re geek pals who share reddit jokes and play D&D together, so I can’t say no. It is going to be awkward though, since my place is a split-level one-bedroom and sound carries all too well.

We shall call this friend Mr. Knight, because he truly wishes he were a knight in shining armor. He wants to be valiant and brave. Oh course the reality is that he’s shy and unlikely to rush to the defense of any fair maidens, but he is a knight in his mind.

This is a good time to explain my policy on sex.

See, I have boundary issues. I’m never really sure where the line between friend and lover is, or why there should be a line. In most cases, I’ll sleep with someone just to see what they are like in bed. It helps me get to know them, and feel closer to them. If there is chemistry; great! If there’s not, then at least I learned something. Unlike most people, I do not find it awkward to be around someone I have slept with, and no one is capable of feeling awkward around me because I am too damn comfortable with myself to let anyone be uncomfortable in my presence.

There are good reasons not to sleep with people though, even for a magically delicious super slut.

The first should be because they are married, right? I’ve been attacked by enough crazy women to know that I should always be careful of the married ones. And yet… if they don’t respect their wedding vows it’s hard for me to do so. I don’t know their wives and for all I know they’re making them up to seem unavailable. As such, the married guy thing is a grey area. It depends on the guy, I guess. Plus, some of them are married but in open relationships, so you can never be too sure what’s what there.

I guess the verdict on married guys is maybe.

Second is more important. This is a hard no. I will never sleep with anyone who is in love with someone else. They can have a crush. They can have a past. They can have a lot of things that don’t make me shy away. Yet, if they are truly in love with someone else, I will never ever sleep with them. This is because I need to feel like the most important person in someone’s life. I do sleep around openly and allow all my partners to do the same, but they always like me best. I am confident that if a man is seeing two women and one of them is me, he likes me better every time. I’m that good. On the other hand, if they’re in love then that’s a whole other thing that I won’t even mess with. One does not compete with hormones and chemicals that have evolved over thousands of years.

So a hard no to being in love with someone else.

Last is the business relationship. Let’s say I meet you and I know we can set shit off together. I know you have social value. Well- then we’re not going to have sex. I won’t risk mixing sex with business because sometimes people can get weird about both, and I like for things in my life to be as simple as possible. It seems that when you add one complicated thing to one other complicated thing, the level of complicated escalates several more orders of magnitude than it logically should- so no business and sex.

Of those reasons why I will never sleep with someone, Mr. Knight falls under the category of “in love with someone else.” He may be on the outs with his girl right now, but there is no question at all about who his heart belongs to. He is hers, and since they are both mostly sweet and innocent and not into MDSM, it’s best to leave them to each other (even if they are unhappy.)

I know I will catch a ration of shit for Mr. Knight living here. I know everyone will assume we are having sex because they know I have boundary issues. I am aware of how much this is going to suck for me, and yet, one does not turn down a fellow geek in need. So now to figure out how to keep all my sexy time confined to everyone else’s house.

Can’t wait to tell the boys about the new edition to my living room…

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