The weekend is finally here!
First, I went to Mr. Nice Guy’s house (since I can’t bring anyone home just now with Mr. Knight living there). He’s such a dear! He bought my favorite whiskey to keep at his house, and downloaded my favorite movies. This should make me really happy. I mean, it does! People being nice to me is wonderful.
However, sometimes it’s obvious that someone is being nice because they are desperate for the approval of the people around them. That always makes me feel really icky, like there’s a scuff on my shoe that I’m not sure how to buff off.
Mr. Nice Guy and I talked about sex (finally!) He’s made it clear he’s looking for a Domme. I am mostly given to being a Domme, so it seems at first glace as though this is a brilliant match and we should both be happy. And yet, that’s not how this plays out.
I will try to explain, but I am aware that I might not be able to capture the essence of what I am saying.
So, my ideal submissive is proud. I like them young, smart, and willful. I want them to be cocky and full of themselves and sure that I’m lucky to have them as a pet. This is necessary for me, because then it feels justified when I beat them and abuse them both verbally and physically. I need to feel like there is a dynamic in which my submissive needs the pride beaten out of them, and I am doing the world a favor.
For me, there is nothing worse than a submissive who has no self esteem. It’s awful to beat someone and abuse someone who already hangs their head all the time and feels beaten by the world. It’s like kicking a sick puppy or something.
So of course, Mr. Nice Guy wants to be submissive. He is also someone who is still hung up on his ex-wife, gets walked on like a carpet because he is too nice, and has very little self-esteem. This is all the qualities I can not handle in a submissive. I didn’t have the heart to explain it that way though- because there’s no need to hurt someone who’s already broken. How could I tell him he evoked too much pity in me for me to beat him? That would only make the problem worse!
My solution was to say that I was actually also a submissive looking for a Dom. I looked as cute as I could and asked him if he would try to top me. I’m younger than him by half a decade and cute as hell- if I do say so myself. Maybe abusing me could give him some self-esteem? I didn’t know what else to do.
He wasn’t into it, and the subject was dropped. We watched Finding Nemo (one of my very favorite movies) and drank heavily. Later, he tried to push me up against a wall roughly, but it was so forced that I couldn’t get serious about kissing him back. It felt passionless and fake. We went to bed instead, and I actually slept pretty well on his too-soft bed.
In the morning, I went to go see Mr. Uptight on base. He’s not allowed to have people stay the night, but he can have guests during the day. I am SO very okay with having sex during the day right now, because there hasn’t been enough sex in my life lately. So he met me in front of the base and signed me on. We went back to his barracks while he babbled somewhat awkwardly (as he always does) and I told a few stories here and there.
As soon as we got inside I jumped him. I was all teeth and claws. It had been a little too long since I’d had sex and I’ve been wanting to rape Mr. Knight all week. I needed an outlet. Mr. Uptight squirmed a little and said ouch a bit. He doesn’t really like it rough. I was beyond caring though, because I was in a passionate and primal mood.
He still lays there like a High School girl when we fuck. I will make the excuse for him that he was in a motorcycle accident and he’s needed some surgery here and there on his leg. I know he’s in a lot of pain sometimes and maybe it’s hard for him to be on top. So, I never ask or force the issue. You’d think he could at least moan or something, though. But hey, whatever! I can always use the exercise, I suppose.
Unfortunately, I’m not one of those lucky girls who has a clit close to her vagina, so I can’t cum from having sex. That does make Mr. Uptight’s laziness frustrating because if he never goes down on me, I’m never going to get off when we have sex. It’s still enjoyable though- just to have sex. Penetration may not be my thing, but it still feels good.
I guess you could say that while chocolate ice cream is not my favorite, not everywhere has mango. And since I like chocolate, it’s not terrible to eat it. I’d just prefer mango. You know, if it was around.
I went home while the night was still young, though Mr. Uptight and I had sex several times during the day.
On the couch, waiting for me, was Mr. Knight. We poured drinks and watched the new Sherlock Holmes in an amiable silence, as we have been doing of late. His attempts at painting over the weekend littered the house, and before bed I said I liked them, in an attempt to bolster his self-esteem. I guess I really do hate people who don’t think highly of themselves after all. It must be some kind of hang-up of mine.
When I went upstairs, I made myself a profile on a dating site and sent some messages on a BDSM site. I am bored to tears with my sex life right now. I need a good, strong pet to beat the shit out of. Or at least, I need a fellow switch I can play some good scenes with. I hate when there’s not enough BDSM sex in my life. I feel so deprived and unfulfilled. Times like this really make me miss the dungeon back home. But, I said I was going to make this work, and so I shall. Looks like I’m resorting to online dating. And another weekend comes to a close for the Magically Delicious Super Slut.