This week I stayed home and hung out with Mr. Knight. It didn’t seem worth the effort to go hunt down the boys, since the sex just isn’t exciting to me. The problem with spending too much time in the kink community is, it ruins you for vanilla sex. Don’t get me wrong- now and again I have had some vanilla sex that was pretty good and made me happy. It does happen. However, for the most part, it’s not as exciting as it should be.
I am a Switch, though I tend to be a Domme. What that means is, I tend to take charge of a situation, but in rare cases, I can submit to people that I deem worthy. So this week while I was watching Sherlock Holmes and drinking with Mr. Knight, I let my mind wander back to better sex and wonder about how to find someone new to play with so that I can sate the monster inside.
My favorite play partner in a long time, I shall call Mr. Bond. His job was in Military Intelligence, and we’ll leave it at that. It’s just that a spy named seemed appropriate since he really did join hoping to be James Bond. (Not that it worked out that way or anything, but you know; the thought was there.)
Mr. Bond was only twenty one when I met him, but brilliant. He solved puzzles incredibly quickly and managed to also have a good social IQ, which I find to be a very impressive combination of skills. More importantly, he had the quality I need in a Dom. He was the kind of person who focused completely on his partner while having sex. He was selfless, considerate, and able to pick up on the slightest change in breathing or movement of a limb- then extrapolate the meaning behind it. In other words, he could read my mind.
Oh course, one does not need to read my mind. I speak. I am very vocal about what I want in bed and everywhere else. However, the ability to read a lover’s mind is still really important in BDSM. What if they are tied up and gagged? You need to still be able to evaluate their responses so you can make sure they aren’t having a bad experience. I can do this, and I only submit to others who can do it too.
I can not tell you how much fun Mr. Bond was. He learned Shibari just because I asked him to. And, because he’s a genius at puzzles, he learned a bunch of knots in a single week. He came over one weekend and I mentioned that I’d like him to check it out to tie me up with. The following weekend he brought several lengths of silk rope over and showed me all the cool knots he’d learned. I guess he practiced by tying himself and things in his barracks up. I have never been more impressed with anyone in a BDSM sense than I was with Mr. Bond just then.
Because I grew up on the streets, I am often accused of being somewhat heartless and cold. I grew a tough exterior out of self-defense, but it has remained in place and it serves me well as a Domme. I tend to control a situation out of instinct, because in the past, things left to chance went very badly for me. I don’t know if it’s a flaw or not, but it’s very hard for me to drop the shell and be anything but a strong, powerful woman. To do it, I must be very impressed by the person I am with. That is a rare thing, and Mr. Bond is one of only two people I have ever submitted to. He was impressive enough that I found it very easy to fall at his feet.
Sadly, Mr. Bond left recently. Such is the nature of the military. They do not stick around long. Since then I have been trying to hunt up fun play partners, but even though I am looking through fetlife, I can’t seem to find anyone very kinky. Well, I guess Mr. Nice Guy is kinky… but I just can’t bring myself to beat him. And Mr. Uptight is on fetlife, but I can’t figure out why since he doesn’t seem kinky at all. I’ve tried to talk about it with him (and write extensive e-mails about it since he doesn’t seem okay with talking in person) but thus far, I can’t really get much out of him. Some people are so hard to talk to!
I will write a post some time about talking to your kinky partner. Scene negotiation is super-hard sometimes, because people are often embarrassed or have trouble talking about what they want. Getting them to talk is the key to having fun, so I have several methods I use to try to force people to communicate. I’ll devote a whole post to it soon.
For now, I guess I’ll just chill out and patiently wait until the Physicist gets here, because he sounds interesting.