I have been asked a lot about how to get into subspace. This is a really good question, but it doesn’t exactly have an answer. Or rather, I think it’s different for everyone. I’m better at giving advice to Dommes about how to put a sub into subspace, but I was asked to write something specifically for subs, so here goes:
Acceptance: First, you have to accept it to find it. That means that, no matter how headstrong you are, you can’t ask your Domme to “break you” so you can find subspace. If you want to submit, then you have to let yourself submit. A big part of it is letting yourself be under someone else’s control and learning to let go.
Enthusiasm: Even if you’re not feeling it, do what your Domme asks you to do with enthusiasm! Don’t repeat phrases like “I’m your slut” in a whisper. When your Domme gives you a phrase to repeat for call-and-response, say it like you mean it. Do everything like you mean it, until you do.
Stance: Having a good posture is very helpful. Feet together! Don’t slouch! Head up and eyes lowered respectfully! Make your body submit and your mind will follow. A lot of our mindset comes from our posture, so be very mindful of this.
Focus: Shift the focus in your mind off of you. Don’t worry about your goose bumps or your knees being soar. Think of how your goal is to please your Domme and make them happy. Only let yourself think of how important it is to please your Domme.
Disclaimer: This makes me sound like an asshole, but these are helpful things to keep in mind during a scene, so you can find subspace for the first time. Obviously during after care, you will want to voice all concerns with your Domme. Did she hit you too hard? Were you cold? What did you find sexy and what did you find distracting? Let these things flow out of you after the scene is over. Talking is important! Communication is key!
I’m not saying you should forget your happiness because of course, if you have a good Domme, her focus IS your happiness. All I am saying is that during a scene, if you keep these things in mind, I think it will help you find that special place where you are outside of yourself and your problems, and you are in a pure submissive state. That’s the peace you’re chasing, so hopefully these tips can help you find it!