I got some pretty negative responses at the last play party I went to when I said my pet and I got in a fight (to explain some bruises.)
I did explain that I asked him to spar with me and that I was in the mood to be violent in a non-structured way. Yet, the girl I was talking to kind of went off a little about how violence makes no sense to her and how she doesn’t think it is healthy.
I’m not going to say it is “healthy” because who fucking knows what’s really good for people and what’s not? I’ve got a degree in Psychology and all it taught me was that we really don’t understand the human mind very well.
However, I’d like to defend the idea of getting in a fight- if only for arguments’ sake.
To start, we are evenly matched. I outweigh him by about 40 pounds, but he is in the military and works out a lot. Plus, he has a lot of martial arts training. We’re about the same height, and even have the same size hands and feet. So, it’s not like it was an unfair fight where one person just beats up on the other. It’s fun to spar with someone you’re about evenly matched with because it’s a challenge and besides, competitions are always more fun when they are close.
Let’s stand back from that though. Let’s look at the larger issue.
I’m not really a “violent person.” What I mean by that is; I don’t hit people in anger. If someone says something that pisses me off, I might walk away, but I will not hit them. I never play when I am angry either. Tying someone up and beating them when you’re mad just seems… troubling to me personally.
So if I’m not a violent person, why do I like to fight?
Well, one of the reason I imagine is testosterone I have more than most girls and I always have. I saw the movie Fight Club, and I understood right away why someone would want to join. Testing your physical limits in this way is very liberating.
I think there may be a degree of habit mixed in. I have always been in mosh pits at metal shows, and it’s fun to run at people and crash into them. Not to mention I was a bar tender/ bouncer in a pretty ruff bar for awhile. I feel like maybe it’s somewhat unhealthy to walk away from a physical confrontation and think “that was fun,” but I also think it logically makes a lot of sense, particularly if you “won” said fight. And as it happens, I have done that a lot.
With play though, there is a line. I don’t really want to hurt pet. It’s not like I try to poke his eyes out or crush his junk like I would in a real life-or-death street fight. I hold back just enough, because I know I am fighting with someone I care deeply for and am meant to take care of and protect.
Also, pet likes to be punched. Not in the face or anything. I go for the thick patches of muscle on his back mostly. A lot of people kind of like being punched. If you like more thuddy pain than stinging pain, I few punches can feel nice. I tend to avoid kidneys and things like that, but during many scenes pet has begged me to punch him and I have because he’s solid muscle and I know he can take it.
When I fight with him, I’m not trying to hurt him. I’m not trying to get hurt. Of course there will be bruises and stuff, but I mean, there won’t be any lasting damage if we can help it. And I’m not doing it out of anger, or some weird hang-up where I am secretly violent and want to kill people. Just to be clear: I don’t want to kill anyone.
I think that if you don’t get it, there’s a good chance I can’t explain it to you. Still, it’s just a bit of (mostly) harmless fun.
I guess I’d just like to ask that- if you’re talking with someone about stuff they like to do, try not to judge them. As I have been telling people for years: assuming I am a violent socio-path with homicidal tendencies because I like to get in a fight now and again… that’s not really fair. Everyone likes different stuff, you know?
I’d like to leave you with a song I really love, because it seems somehow to fit the theme of this post: