I am currently in a lot of relationships.
I love all of my relationships, even the ones that are sort of paused at the moment due to distance. But I don’t think love requires sexual fidelity.
First, let’s talk about what a monogamous couple calls cheating. This can be simple: No sex acts with someone else. However, my daughter-in-law says it’s also looking at other women, or at porn. I had a friend whose girlfriend thought masturbating was cheating. Yikes!
Let’s say for the sake of argument that porn isn’t “cheating” per se. Let’s call it a grey area, along with looking at other women. We’ll say actual “cheating” in a monogamous relationship is just about committing sex acts with someone else.
(I think this also raises other problems. Falling in love without sex seems like it should fall under the category of “cheating” too; but is it? Some say yes and some say no.)
Either way, I hope we can all agree that choosing only one partner seems terribly unfair to people who are bi.
I happen to like girls and boys. What if I want one of each? To be a happy monogamous person, I must choose one gender ONLY and stick with it? That sounds awful!
I hate how there is an ideal version of “love” in people’s eyes. Go ahead. Google image search something simple like “couples in love” and notice that at least the first page of pictures is all one man and one woman together. Why do we feel the need to define love in this way? It makes me as mad as the first time I did a Google image search for “happy families” and realized that every picture on the first page was of white people.
But let me be clear; being poly doesn’t mean I don’t get jealous. I’m human, and I do get jealous. It’s how humans are. I just think relationships can be more complex than the urge to scream “He’s mine bitch, get away!”
Jealous is a small part of what I feel when a lover of mine has sex with someone else. But there are other feelings there, and they are stronger. For example, at Club Desire when I am watching Pet have sex, I forget all about jealousy and it doesn’t even enter my mind. I’m too busy being proud of how sexy he is and how many girls want to play with him. I like to call him “My little slut” because he really IS a slut, even if most of the people he’s dated never knew that. (No, you shouldn’t keep secrets and I have told Pet that he is bad for sometimes lying to a girl about her being “the only one.”)
The point is; I am often too busy being amused or aroused to think about jealousy. And when I am geographically separated, I am too busy being grateful that someone I love doesn’t feel alone and sad.
I guess the answer to the questions I have received about jealousy is this: Yes, I get jealous because I am a human being. But there are other feelings that are stronger because I am not a monkey. I’m sorry if that sounds rude, but one of my favorite Youtube videographers put it best: (And I promise if you get to the end of this video you won’t regret it.)