A good friend of mine is going through a bad break up, and he thinks he’ll never find another girl that likes him again. This and a few other things have got me thinking, and it has come to my attention that a few of the nerdy folks out there need some basic tips. I should clarify that I don’t know everything, and all I can do is offer suggestions. With that in mind, this one is for the geeks.
First, size matters. I don’t care what any woman has told you when she was trying to be nice. It matters. So what can you do if you have a small penis? Don’t loose hope! There are options. They do make strap-ons which allow you to do double penetration. So you can fuck your girl in the ass, while also using a strap-on in her vagina. You can also use dildos by themselves, if she doesn’t like anal play.
You should know though, as one of my favorite books called Bonk by Mary Roach points out, that penetration alone will not get most women off. You may have a had a girl tell you that she got off while you were having sex, because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Guys can be very sensitive, and girls can react to that with a little well-intentioned dishonesty.
Why is this? Well, girls get off from stimulation of the clitoris. The placement varies from woman to woman, but often it is not close enough to the vagina to get stimulation from penetration. This means you need to play with a girl’s clit. Some girls use vibrators, and because of this, the exposed portion of the clit is not that sensitive any more. This means two things: One, you can be a little more rough with it when you lick her. And two: she might have trouble getting off without a vibrator, so you may want to use one on her. The most popular would be the magic wand, but there are many options. I have often mentioned that my first Doctor Xtreme makes some pretty neat toys, so you might want to check those out.
Now for me personally and for other girls I know, vibration doesn’t work. What this means is that for me, I have a very sensitive clitoris and I need people to be very careful with it. Yes, I am into BDSM. Yes, I do like pain. But the tiny exposed portion of the clit has more nerve endings in it than an entire penis, and I do not want anyone to be rough with it. In my experience, most women, (myself included) like a soft but fast up and down motion with the tongue. No fingers unless they are wet, because dry fingers chafe like a motherfucker.
Now, some of the geeky and awkward guys I know tell me that they are unattractive. They say women won’t even talk to them. First, you need to have confidence. Know that you can please them, and that you can make them happy. My tattoo artist and I dated for over a year, in spite of his broken teeth, weight problem, and general lack of classically attractive characteristics. And it’s not just me! He dated lots of beautiful girls, including several very smart and attractive strippers. He was able to do this because he was confident, and he could make them happy. Foot rubs, back massages, and a gift for oral sex made him one of my favorite boyfriends of all time. I always got off at least once with him, and I usually got all the knots worked out of my back and my feet too. Never underestimate the power you have over a girl if you can please her.
What if you’re new to kink? Well that’s okay too. It’s not that hard, and I’ve written posts on scene negotiation, setting up a scene, and ideas for play. There are also a host of helpful online forums.
Basically remember that some girls are kinky and like pain. They want to be beat hard. Some girls are kinky and don’t like pain, so go for more sensual flogging and restraints. There are lots of checklists available online to help you find out what kind of kink your partner is into.
The main thing is; remember that you don’t have to look like a guy off the cover of a romance novel and have a huge cock to make a girl happy. All you have to do is figure out how to make her scream. If you can do that, you can find yourself someone who will be thrilled to have you around.
Don’t sell yourself short and don’t assume no one is interested. Some people, (myself included) are into odd things. I have a fetish for scientists and engineers myself.