I have skirted this issue before without directly talking about it, but I think it’s finally time to write a post about it.
Slut-shaming is the act of looking down on a girl who sleeps with lots of men. It is done by a large percentage of men with no conscious thought (it seems being socialized as male makes you consider a woman’s worth as something tied to her sexual promiscuity.)
In overly religious cultures it is worse, of course. They expect all women to be virgins until they are married. Once they are married they may sleep with their husband, but never anyone else. Even if they are raped, it is considered cheating and, as they have become impure, they will be stoned to death. This has happened in all Middle Eastern countries for centuries.
Now, many countries are more tolerant. If a woman is not a virgin when she gets married, they will accept this. Of course they do still expect her to get married, and she will be shamed if she reaches a certain age and has not yet “found a man.” The implication here is that a woman is helpless and unable to care for herself or be responsible for herself. She needs a man and must find one while she is young and attractive, or none will want her.
But THAT is a topic for another time.
Anyway, this mentality of slut shaming is everywhere. Women are grudgingly allowed to have sex before marriage but they are not allowed to enjoy sex or have lots of it without feeling shame and being shunned.
A girl who does porn is a “whore.” A girl that enjoys sex is a “slut.” All manner of terms that society calls negative will be applied to a girl so that she understand that having sex is a NEGATIVE thing, and she should do it as little as possible. And eventually this message is drilled into the heads of those with a XX chromosome pair, until it is part of who every women is.
If she gets raped, she was asking for it. (Please look into the Slut Walk movement to realize how much bullshit this is.) If she wears a mini skirt, she’s a “dirty girl.” If she has sex with more than a few men she is disgusting.
This puts women in impossible situations and it’s not okay. We really need to stop this nonsense.
Really let this sink in, because these are things that run deep in who we all are. Men believe these things, and so do women. No one means to. No one realizes that they have been taught this. It is just part of who we all are as a society, and it is true of every society on the planet.
Now let’s think about some things that many women do:
1. Women tend to act coy and pretend not to be interested in a guy. They are shy about being up-front and admitting that they find a man attractive. They do not feel comfortable openly telling a man that he is handsome.
2. Women tend to feel like they shouldn’t want sex. They are taught to push guys off, to say no, and to act as though the subject holds no interest for them.
3. Women tend to lie about how many guys they have slept with so as not to appear as sluts. I remember in a movie once a girl talking to a female friend says “Guys want to seem like they know what they are doing, so they always add extra to the number of girls they have slept with. Women want to seem pure and chaste, so they always subtract some from their number.”
All of these things are bad.
Why? Well first, it is unhealthy for a woman to feel that sexuality (a natural part of life) is a sin for her. Some women feel unable to say “no” when a guy pressures them to have sex, but then later they regret it because they really didn’t want to in the first place.
Women shouldn’t feel like they have to say no. And they shouldn’t feel ashamed after. These things are taught to them because they “aren’t allowed” to like sex (according to society.) And that is really bad for everyone.
Let’s think about men for a moment here.
What must it be like to be constantly shot down? You talk to girl after girl, and even the ones you thought you caught checking you out just giggle and say no when you ask for their number. Then, when you finally get a girl to date you, she constantly pushes you away when you try to be physically affectionate. How do you think it feels to always be the one expected to initiate intimate contact, and to be pushed away the vast majority of the time?
So this culture of shame and resentment builds up between men and women. And it’s awful. Women feel pushed into sex and then ashamed after. Men feel forced to be pushy about sex, then deal with constant rejection. This is not good for anyone!
How do we stop it?
That’s the easy part. We stop slut-shaming and the problem solves itself.
It really is that simple, folks. We just tell women that sex is a natural part of life, and they should want and enjoy it just like men do. And it’s okay. They can have as many sexual partners as they want, and that’s okay. In fact, a women that has more sexual partners might even be more desirable because she obviously enjoys sex and possibly has knowledge of exciting new things that you’ve never tried.
So let us review:
Teaching women to feel shame over sex is bad. Placing a higher value on women who have had less sex is bad. Shaming women who have had lots of sex is bad. Please try to remember that “slut” and “whore” should be positive words. They are used to denote women who are in touch with their sexuality and who enjoy sex. You want that kind of women in your society.
I know it’s hard to wrap your brain around. I know it goes against all the things that you never knew society was teaching you. I know you want to resist.
But don’t. Because it’s time we realize that the word “slut” is not a pejorative term. It’s time we stop teaching men to always want sex and always try to get it, while teaching women to never want sex and to always resist. It’s a bad game with unfair rules and we all need to refuse to play so that we can stop having a “battle of the sexes” and start having fun.
And not only am I proud to be a slut, but I should also tell you, I am magically delicious!