Slut Shaming is Wrong

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I have skirted this issue before without directly talking about it, but I think it’s finally time to write a post about it.

Slut-shaming is the act of looking down on a girl who sleeps with lots of men. It is done by a large percentage of men with no conscious thought (it seems being socialized as male makes you consider a woman’s worth as something tied to her sexual promiscuity.)

In overly religious cultures it is worse, of course. They expect all women to be virgins until they are married. Once they are married they may sleep with their husband, but never anyone else. Even if they are raped, it is considered cheating and, as they have become impure, they will be stoned to death. This has happened in all Middle Eastern countries for centuries.

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Now, many countries are more tolerant. If a woman is not a virgin when she gets married, they will accept this. Of course they do still expect her to get married, and she will be shamed if she reaches a certain age and has not yet “found a man.” The implication here is that a woman is helpless and unable to care for herself or be responsible for herself. She needs a man and must find one while she is young and attractive, or none will want her.

But THAT is a topic for another time.

Anyway, this mentality of slut shaming is everywhere. Women are grudgingly allowed to have sex before marriage but they are not allowed to enjoy sex or have lots of it without feeling shame and being shunned.

A girl who does porn is a “whore.” A girl that enjoys sex is a “slut.” All manner of terms that society calls negative will be applied to a girl so that she understand that having sex is a NEGATIVE thing, and she should do it as little as possible. And eventually this message is drilled into the heads of those with a XX chromosome pair, until it is part of who every women is.

If she gets raped, she was asking for it. (Please look into the Slut Walk movement to realize how much bullshit this is.) If she wears a mini skirt, she’s a “dirty girl.” If she has sex with more than a few men she is disgusting.

This puts women in impossible situations and it’s not okay. We really need to stop this nonsense.

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Really let this sink in, because these are things that run deep in who we all are. Men believe these things, and so do women. No one means to. No one realizes that they have been taught this. It is just part of who we all are as a society, and it is true of every society on the planet.

Now let’s think about some things that many women do:

1. Women tend to act coy and pretend not to be interested in a guy. They are shy about being up-front and admitting that they find a man attractive. They do not feel comfortable openly telling a man that he is handsome.

2. Women tend to feel like they shouldn’t want sex. They are taught to push guys off, to say no, and to act as though the subject holds no interest for them.

3. Women tend to lie about how many guys they have slept with so as not to appear as sluts. I remember in a movie once a girl talking to a female friend says “Guys want to seem like they know what they are doing, so they always add extra to the number of girls they have slept with. Women want to seem pure and chaste, so they always subtract some from their number.”

All of these things are bad.

Why? Well first, it is unhealthy for a woman to feel that sexuality (a natural part of life) is a sin for her. Some women feel unable to say “no” when a guy pressures them to have sex, but then later they regret it because they really didn’t want to in the first place.

Women shouldn’t feel like they have to say no. And they shouldn’t feel ashamed after. These things are taught to them because they “aren’t allowed” to like sex (according to society.) And that is really bad for everyone.

Let’s think about men for a moment here.

What must it be like to be constantly shot down? You talk to girl after girl, and even the ones you thought you caught checking you out just giggle and say no when you ask for their number. Then, when you finally get a girl to date you, she constantly pushes you away when you try to be physically affectionate. How do you think it feels to always be the one expected to initiate intimate contact, and to be pushed away the vast majority of the time?

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So this culture of shame and resentment builds up between men and women. And it’s awful. Women feel pushed into sex and then ashamed after. Men feel forced to be pushy about sex, then deal with constant rejection. This is not good for anyone!

How do we stop it?

That’s the easy part. We stop slut-shaming and the problem solves itself.

It really is that simple, folks. We just tell women that sex is a natural part of life, and they should want and enjoy it just like men do. And it’s okay. They can have as many sexual partners as they want, and that’s okay. In fact, a women that has more sexual partners might even be more desirable because she obviously enjoys sex and possibly has knowledge of exciting new things that you’ve never tried.

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So let us review:

Teaching women to feel shame over sex is bad. Placing a higher value on women who have had less sex is bad. Shaming women who have had lots of sex is bad. Please try to remember that “slut” and “whore” should be positive words. They are used to denote women who are in touch with their sexuality and who enjoy sex. You want that kind of women in your society.

I know it’s hard to wrap your brain around. I know it goes against all the things that you never knew society was teaching you. I know you want to resist.

But don’t. Because it’s time we realize that the word “slut” is not a pejorative term. It’s time we stop teaching men to always want sex and always try to get it, while teaching women to never want sex and to always resist. It’s a bad game with unfair rules and we all need to refuse to play so that we can stop having a “battle of the sexes” and start having fun.

And not only am I proud to be a slut, but I should also tell you, I am magically delicious!

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Guest Post on One Weird Globe

Thai fruit market

Thai fruit market

I wrote before about my adventures in Thailand. But I never mentioned that I wrote a guest post on a friend’s blog about my time there. One Weird Globe is a great site, and I’d highly encourage you to read it.

For now, I’m off on another overseas adventure and in case I don’t get a chance to blog while abroad, perhaps you can check out the link to my guest post instead. Cheers!

Statues in front of the royal palace in Bangkok

Statues in front of the royal palace in Bangkok

Music to have Kinky Sex to

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I am often asked what is good dungeon music. This is largely a matter of opinion, and I can’t tell you what you should listen to when you have sex.

That said, here are some of my favorites:

Element a440, Kookie Kutter

Faderhead, Aim to misbehave

Hardwire, Sex Slave

Rammstein, Pussy (Sadly censored)

Selfless, Clarity

Note: All I could find was a live video on youtube, but if you can find any of their albums they are absolutely divine to do kinky things to.) 

Hedley, Don’t Talk To Strangers

Note: I just like this one because I am a cougar most of the time.

So obviously anything my Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Mason is good for a dungeon environment. Once at a play party we ended up watching LMFAO videos because the power of laughter can not be underestimated. *Shrugs*

I personally like a lot of heavy metal like Children of Bodeom and Cradle of Filth. I recognize that this is not for everyone. But if I want to hit someone hard, it really helps. Plus it’s good for what I guess you called fucking. Porn-style sex, you know? I like that…

The Velvet Rope

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Last week, I went to The Velvet Rope, a sex club at 3533 SE Ceaser Chavez Blvd in Portland. First, I will give it props for being easy to find. They have a nice size sign and a decent -size parking lot. (Although it curves around behind a Wells Fargo in kind of a weird way.)

Unlike other sex clubs I have been to, The Velvet Rope promotes themselves. They even have a promo on Youtube. Fancy!



Disclaimer: This video was made by the club and it kind of exaggerates what will probably happen. It may suggest the clientele is slightly younger and a bit more attractive than what I observed.

When you walk in, you pay a membership fee your first time. I paid $20 for a year, and it was free to get in because I am female. I believe couples pay $40 and single guys pay $80 to get in.

The Velvet Rope is a maze of rooms that is easy to get lost in. It’s a fascinating labyrinth of turns and corners. I’ll give you the best walk-through that I can.

This is not a picture of the club. This is just what it felt like on my first time through. Props if you get the reference.

This is not a picture of the club. This is just what it felt like on my first time through. Props if you get the reference.

As you enter, the couples area is to your right, and the hot tub to your left. Straight through is a common room where BDSM stuff was set up because it was kink night via a group called “Red Cheeks” here in Portland. Then, up the stairs, there is a common area with pool tables and a bar. Off of that is the smoking area, and then the “education room” where they play porn on the wall.

There are showers and bathrooms upstairs and down, if you feel dirty and you think water will fix that.

The main thing I found surprising was all the private rooms.

Most sex clubs I have been to are a room or rooms with places to sit or have sex, but all those places are in public areas. You go to a sex club to watch people, and to have them watch you. Well, and to switch partners. All of those things are harder when everyone is off in their own rooms.

That’s just my opinion though.

So I met a man I’ll call Mr. Grayson and decided that he was perfect to test out The Velvet Rope with.

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To help you imagine (if you do that sort of thing) Mr. Greyson looks like a slightly older, blue-eyed version of Zachary Quinto.

We chose one of the private rooms in the “couples” suite, rather than in the upstairs suite. There was a sheet provided to put down over the vinyl mat that serves as a bed, and curtains to cover the window if we wanted so people couldn’t see in. We choose not to cover the window, but to adopt a position that only showed our feet. He says people were watching anyhow, so perhaps we have interesting feet.

There was a basket of condoms provided, which I was glad for because I forgot my stash at home.

We had sex, which I know I usually always describe in detail on here. But for once… I want to keep the details to myself.

The best I can do is to say it was like this but with more feeling.

The best I can do is to say it was like this but with more feeling

Picture sensual sex. Slow and intense. Picture bodies moving together like big fish in a small bowl, somehow touching at every point possible as if melting together. And picture a moment; brief but charged with electricity, where he buried his head against me and I could feel him nearly overcome with emotion as I held his head against my heart.

Skip to the end, and we took the sheet off the bed and put it in a clothes hamper at the end of the hall. Then a club employee came by to clean the vinyl mat and provide a new clean sheet for the next couple, as per club policy.

It is a neat place, and I should mention that it’s got loads of cool history that you can read about shortly when the article (not by me) comes out in Erotic Magazine

This club is a fun place to spend an evening and a fun place to have sex with someone you just met. I highly recommend it.

Note: They do serve alcohol (and have snacks.) If you like to drink, plan to take a cab or have a designated driver. And remember to drink in moderation because no one likes the pushy trashed asshole at a sex club. 

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100th Post

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First, Happy New Years! I hope 2014 is awesome for all of you.

It’s my 100th post on The Magically Delicious Super Slut. So today, I am going to talk about numbers.

Everyone knows that awkward question will find it’s way into conversation eventually when seeing someone new; “How many people have you slept with?”

And most people do not need to have a philosophical debate to answer this question. They casually say “8” or “35” and move on with their lives. Yay for them.

But I think it’s a philosophical question.

First, does being molested count? It’s not consensual. If a woman is to be shamed for the amount of people who have touched her naked body, it seems unfair to think being molested as a child should count against her.

Second, does being raped count into the numbers? Again, if it was against your will, why should it count? (And how many to add if you’re not sure?)

Third, does lesbian sex count? I mean, there doesn’t have to be penetration in lesbian sex (for boys who don’t know, the clitoris is not inside the vagina.) When you ask people to define sex, they often say being penetrated. But this excludes lesbians and would mean most of the women I slept with don’t count.

Last, does it really count if it’s at a sex club with a stranger? Oh I know you’ll say that this is a clear-cut yes and the only easy question here. But hear me out. I can tell you the first middle and last name of every single person I have ever loved. I KNOW when it counts. Sometimes. it absolutely means something and it absolutely matters.

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I just don’t feel that way about sex clubs. As for example, in club desire, I once sat on a couch between two Korean men to share a glass of champagne with them. When they started kissing me, I could hardly object. The two of them kissed every inch of my body and took turns going down on me. Then they got distracted and I went back to my table. Does that count? They went down on me, which is the same as lesbian sex. So if lesbian sex counts then it should count. And yet it doesn’t feel at all like it does because at a sex club, a little licking and petting feels a lot like a handshake.

Casual. Meaningless.

So it’s not easy for me to answer the question of how many people I have had sex with, and I don’t think it’s easy for anyone who’s had a rough life or is adventurous.

But if you really want to know, the tally is hovering around 100 at the moment (so I have something in common with my blog!)

Note: Always use condoms or dental dams. Ask any repeat partner that you want to play with more intimately to provide an STD test. You may think it’s awkward, but they’ll actually appreciate it. If they get the test and it comes back positive, they can usually get treated since most STDs are treatable. So yay for that! If they get the test and it comes back negative, they can feel relieved that they know for sure that they are clean. So no, it’s not weird to ask for people to get tested before you sleep with them, or even go down on them.

I often get asked if I have ever had an STD. Yes I have. I had HPV, and a bacterial infection. Both were easily treatable with antibiotics. Both I got from people I was using condoms with because sometimes condoms slip off or break. An STD is not usually the end of the world as long as you get tested and treated before you have sex with anyone else. I’ve never have to make the “I might have given you…” phone call, but I do not envy people who have.

Safe. Sane. Consensual.

Oh, and if you want to laugh, watch this video: (Many people feel this way after talking to me.)