Penis Size

Isolated Portrait of a young woman looking surprised

Disclaimer: Yes, this blog is mostly about kink, but this post is just a rant so feel free to skip it.

This is one of those things I am so sick of talking about that I can hardly stand it. Every guy has to talk about his penis. The ones with smaller penises always act insecure about it and it’s awkward. The ones with big dicks brag all the time like it’s all that matters. So fuck it. I am going to clear up a few things.

First; Vaginas are not all the same size. Seriously guys, this is a thing. Mine is about 8 inches deep. Sure they are stretchy and stuff, but it does hurt to stretch them. Also, the clitoris is not at the very end of the vagina WAY inside or something. In fact, the tip is outside and above the vagina, while the underneath part is sort of on the sides of the vagina. So for girls to get off, a big penis is irrelevant. Sure, some like it. But not all of us do.

Second: Some positions are better with penises on the smaller side. With a smaller penis, you get to have more grinding, and that is more likely to allow a girl to get off while having sex (not from the penetration, but from the friction against hip bones.)

Third: Oh my god size isn’t everything. It’s just not. Yes, a very tiny penis will make us sad so you better be good at something else. (Oral sex, back rubs, use of toys, etc…) And look; a big penis really does hurt and not all girls like pain.

I could go on and on. But I’m not going to because the internet does and so does every guy on Earth and I just hate this topic.

Sizing_Chart
Oh, and for the girls: There is no way to tell a guy’s penis size unless you actually look at his penis. I don’t care what app you have on your phone or what your friends told you. I have seen a lot of penises in person at sex clubs, and dungeons, and in my bed. Unless you’re a professional porn star I probably have more experience than you so just trust me.

When I first got to Portland I slept with a guy we’ll call Mr. Pretentious. He was tall and had very long fingers and big feet; all the things that are supposed to predict big penis size were present. (Not that I was looking for that; because he found me not the other way around.) Point is; I get his clothes off and his dick is so tiny I can’t even feel it in my ass. It was really small.

And then there are the guys who are short and skinny and dinky looking. My ex who was a drummer in a metal band is a good example. Little guy. Shorter than me. Weighed maybe 100 pounds. His dick was 11 inches long. I measured it against an old wooden ruler and just stared in disbelief. The man should not have had a strong enough heart or enough spare blood (given his size) to keep a penis like that hard. It was fat, too.

So girls, the moral of the story is this; don’t think you can stall and put off sex for a long time. Because then you’ll get attached before you know whether or not his penis is something you can live with (As in; is your vagina too small or too big for it?)

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One last thing:

MEN: DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS TO US.

Consider this a public service announcement and take it to heart. Because if you say “I wish my dick was bigger” and I do as well, I’m going to have to sit there and bite my tongue. Or worse (and I have done this) I’m going to loose my patience and say “Me too,” then put on my clothes and leave.

Others things not to say include “I’m so glad my dick is big” and “I wish my dick was bigger.”

Yes. We know. All of you think bigger is better and you’re constantly obsessing about your penis and it’s size relative to other men and particularly porn stars. But self-confidence is sexy and even when you are bragging about your cock and it is a respectable size, you still sound desperate for approval and childish when you talk about it. Confident men don’t have to brag, after all.

Women should not ask if dresses make them look fat. It’s a trap. And men should not bring up penis size for the same reason.

(And just so you know, the guy who I walked out on after telling him he had a small penis obsessed over it for years and even started a website devoted to hating me and tried to get my exes and random strangers to join. It destroyed his ego for years. I don’t feel bad about it though. He brought it up every single time we had sex as we were laying in bed after. He’d say it was small and I’d feel obligated to reassure him that it was fine. And I just got sick of lying to him. He shouldn’t have brought it up, and you shouldn’t either. )

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*I’d like to apologize to my husband for this post. He has an unnaturally large penis and he does kinda talk about it rather too much. I love him with all my heart and soul in spite of this fact. And, I love his penis. I hope this post doesn’t hurt his feelings (if he even reads my blog, which I kind of doubt.) 

One thought on “Penis Size

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