There is a term in the community that describes the feeling when a person desperately wants to sub. This person does not have to be strictly a submissive by nature. As some wise old Domme ladies here in Portland told me, “Everyone needs to sub now and then, just for balance.”
Maybe that’s not true for everyone. But it is true for me.
Most of the time I like being in control. Most of the time I want to call the shots, and be in charge. I like to plan the scenes, run the scenes, and make magic happen. It’s one of the moments where I get to shine.
But I am a switch.
Of course I’m picky as hell. I have only ever been subbmissive with three guys in my whole life. I don’t trust easily l and I need a potential Dom or Domme to have that quality where they can read my mind. Sometimes, there just is chemistry. I don’t know why. But mostly there isn’t chemistry and that’s okay too. I can have all kinds of fun with people I’m equal with, or people who let me be in charge.
I was talking to a friend the other day and she was telling me about this Dom. She was lamenting that they can’t have a relationship for various reasons, and it’s a shame because they have wonderful chemistry. She said it’s so frustrating to have this person that you love to sub for, and know it’s not going to work out.
I told her I could relate.
I had been feeling a bit of a sub frenzy anyway. But actually admitting it to another person made it so much worse. Now it seems more real. The last time I subbed for anyone was August of 2012, and I miss it!
The worst part is that Mr. Bond just moved back here (as in- to the same house as me). I have mentioned him before. He and I dated my first year in Korea. I adored him, and we had a lot of fun together. And I trusted him to tie me up and put me in subspace. And we had amazing chemistry. It was… well… some of the most fun I’ve ever had.
For whatever reason, he’s not interested in picking back up where we left off a few years ago. And that’s fine, because I’m still glad he’s around in my universe. But seriously, it’s terrible to live just upstairs from someone who can put me in subspace, while I am feeling like this.
So this one’s for the submissives, be they full time or only on rare occasion. That feeling when you desperately want to be at the mercy of a good Top is something we all go through, and it’s dangerous. I’ve seen subs do scenes with completely incompatible people because they were just desperate to be with someone in that way.
So, I will try to keep all this stuff in the back of my mind. But isn’t it amazing how hard it can be to get kink out of your brain sometimes?!?