The Center For Sex Positive Culture

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I recently went to the CSPC, (the Center for Sex Positive Culture.) I had been meaning to check it out for awhile, but of course, I never had the chance.

When I moved to Portland I vowed I would make the drive to Seattle to see what the CSPC was all about, and at long last, I finally did.

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It is everything I was told it would be. The library of both kinky books and kinky pornography was very impressive. I was pleased to see the vast array of kink resources and the helpful librarian who was more than happy to answer questions.

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She let me photograph this sign, which was awesome of her. But of course, she was very clear that I wasn’t allowed to take pictures in the dungeon space that would be posted on the internet. Sex clubs are always against cameras, (or so it seems from my travels and the places I have been) but it seemed excessive since I toured the club while it was closed and there was no people around.

I guess you’ll just have to be satisfied with pictures I found online when I Googled the club.

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In addition to the library, there are two event spaces. Both include a kitchen, bathrooms, and play spaces to do scenes or have sex. It was pretty standard as far as dungeons go, and I didn’t see anything I hadn’t seen before.

The major difference is that the CSPC is not a secret club. They are registered with the city of Seattle as a kinky sex club/dungeon. And as far as I  know, they are the only such place on Earth that is open to the public. You do not have to invite yourself to this dungeon. You can just go there.

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So if you’re ever in Seattle, check it out. It’s progressive. It’s nifty. It’s not something you see every day.

Upgrade Update

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Recently I got a magnetic implant, installed by Steve Haworth. It is a form of body modification which allows me to sense magnetic fields.

As a lesser feature, it also allows me to pick up metal objects like the safety pin pictured above.

Other people have had the surgery and they have written about it. But this is just my personal take on my little upgrade.
It’s like this;

When I first started playing the Google Augmented reality game called Ingress, it was hard.

I had to walk around in the REAL world while also walking around in game.

And my brain couldn’t do it! I could focus on the things around me, or the game. I could switch quickly from one to the other. But I couldn’t do both at once.

My brain could only comprehend my place in space and time in ONE universe at once while walking.

And then one day it learned.

I literally felt my mind expand.

Screen shot from Ingress

Screen shot from Ingress

Suddenly; I could walk around in game AND in the real world simultaneously. I built new neural pathways and I felt it happen.

The magnet is the same.

At first it was a tingle whenever I was near a magnetic field.

And it took whole seconds for me to realize that the tingle I felt was caused by the magnet in my finger, and to make the connection.

“Oh yes! (Said my brain very slowly). We have a new sense!”

But little by little it is realizing what is happening faster and faster.

Someday, it will feel natural like processing visual data.

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Everyone asks me why I did it. I can offer no explanation except to say, if it doesn’t sound cool to you yet, then I can’t explain it to you.

But I can assure you that I haven’t had any negative side effects worth mentioning, and that so far I think it’s an amazing experience!

I guess if there is any downside it was that the installation and healing was a bit of a pain.

I guess if there is any downside it was that the installation and healing was a bit of a pain.

What About Love?

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I have posted several blog entries about how poly relationships work. But I guess I mostly only talked about managing jealousy and having safe sex. I never talked about love.

A recent article a friend posted on Facebook suggested that you can only love one person at once. This is one of the two vanilla stereotypes that make me crazy. There are two:

1. You can only really love one person at once.

2. There is a ONE perfect person out there for you, and you must search for “the one” where everything just “feels right” with them.

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First let’s talk about loving more than one person at once.

I love my husband and he’s currently stuck in school where I can’t be, so I have to spend a lot of time chatting with him online and making skype dates. And it’s more than that; I troll the internet searching for naked pictures of hot Asian women in bondage gear to send him. I save links to articles he would enjoy and send them to him when he wakes up. I think of him every moment of every day and I think of ways to make him happy.

I also maintain several boyfriends who are long-distance. I keep in touch with them because we dated and it was fun, but then we had to move away for work. And now we live apart, but I didn’t stop loving them and they presumably didn’t stop loving me. So we e-mail and text and keep in touch. I call these “to be continued” relationships, because if we lived in the same place, we would presumably pick up where we left off.

In addition, I have two boyfriends here in Oregon. And while neither of them are long-term material for various reasons, I can’t have lots of sex and fun moments and cool adventures with someone without growing to love them. I’m not made of stone.

 

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I even have an ex that I am still ridiculously in love with and talk to all the time. (Yes, my husband knows.) Usually no one achieves “ex” status because I move around a lot and when I have to leave a place, I don’t stop loving the people there. You can’t break up with someone without a fight, in my opinion.

An ex involves a breakup. And Mr. Geek and I had a break up; maybe the worst one I’ve ever had. We even fought, which I don’t do with most people. And that doesn’t change how I feel at all, cuz I still love him to death and he knows it.

That is not all the relationships I am maintaining. There’s more. But, those are just the main ones. And this does not include friends, family, or the 300 Christmas cards I send every year. This doesn’t include lots of people who take up my time. I have never had sex with my drinking buddy here, but we still go out to lunch and spend lots of time together, so it still counts as a relationship that takes time to maintain.

In the article written by the judgmental vanilla guy, the claim is that you can not love more than one person at a time because really loving someone takes all the hours in a day.

Well, I have been in that kind of relationship. The kind where you ignore your family and friends and spend all your time with ONE person. You blow off girls night out and D&D (or whatever you do for fun) and you just spend all your time staring into the eyes of “the love of your life” all day. It is very unhealthy to behave in this manner. We all did it in High School and remember what happened? Remember how inconsolable you were when you broke up with your High School sweetheart?

Love like that has no balance. When one person is the focus of all your energy you become obsessive, jealous, paranoid, and delusional. Your imagination runs away with you every time they smile at another person. You worry about where they are when they are not with you. You insist that you would kill yourself if they died because you could’t live without them. This is not healthy behavior. This is High School behavior, and you’re meant to grow out of it.

 

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Part of growing up is learning to maintain more than one relationship at once. This means you still see your friends even when you start dating someone new. You still call your mom. You still participate in your hobbies (whatever they may be.) You don’t loose yourself in every new relationship, because as you get older you learn that you need to keep your life in balance and never let one aspect of it overtake the whole.

And yes, some people never get as far as balancing more than one intimate relationship. For some, one is all they need and all they can handle. And that is okay. I am not judging that lifestyle.

But for some of us, it’s not like that. Some of us love more than one person at a time. And neither of those lifestyles is more valid or “real” than the other.

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And now to say just a few words about “The One.”

This is a concept that is constantly reinforced all over society. You see it in movies and sitcoms and you hear people say it. “She wasn’t ‘The One.'” or “Well if he’s ‘The One’ you should get married.”

Look people; this is a mythical idea created by Disney and its not okay. You do not have ONE person who is the other half of you and that you must search forever to find. And when you find them it’s not going to be all magical and easy because love is hard work if you want to keep it, no matter who you are in love with. Love that lasts requires always courting the other person, and you must never stop bringing flowers and telling them that they are beautiful. You must never stop thinking of them when you are apart and finding little ways to show them you care. Because if you stop maintaining a relationship with anyone, no matter how compatible you are, it will die.

There certainly are degrees of compatibility. I am not terribly compatible with a football fan who is vanilla and doesn’t like to hike or watch geeky movies. Meanwhile, give me a goth kid who is a freak between the sheets, intelligent, and likes to ride roller coasters and I melt into a puddle on the floor. I swear I swoon every time I see Elon Musk speak. A D&D geek who builds spaceships is maybe the sexist thing on Earth!

So, you know, you are going to be more compatible with some people than with others in terms of interests and such.

 

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And then there is chemistry. You’re going to have it with some people and not with others. Scientists speculate that it has to do with a woman’s ability to smell a good genetic match, and that “chemistry” is the feeling of someone you would make healthy babies with. That may well be a big part of chemistry. Who knows? But it’s a thing you won’t have with everyone, even if you may like the same movies and have the same interests.

So there are people you fit better with than others. And if you’re going to get married you should certainly choose the one you get along best with. I married my best friend and we have great chemistry and similar ideas about the world, as well as a few common interests. We have great conversations and we’re able to reason through rough patches without fighting.

But that doesn’t mean that I am going to build it up in my head and say that my husband is ‘The One’ because that is nonsense.

Here’s what you do; you pick someone and you say “I want you.”

That’s all.

There’s no big secret and no one person that is perfect for you. You just pick a person and you decide to make it work with them, and then you do.

Maybe those of us in the BDSM community are farther removed from the Disney ideals. I don’t know. But my friends know this stuff, and it isn’t until I watch a sitcom or talk to some vanilla folks that I even remember this stuff is out there.

So please, can we just admit that love, with anyone, needs to be maintained to last? And if you really love more than one person, you can put in that maintenance. It really is that simple.

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Used As a Toy

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Not too terribly long ago, I went to visit my favorite pet. I’ve written several scenes involving him on this blog, and I hope you won’t mind one more.

I was too lazy to use rope on him. I simply had him strip, and then put leather cuffs on his ankles and wrists. I linked them together with clips.

(*Which you can buy along with almost anything at stockroom.com. I don’t have any affiliation with them, but I do dig their selection and they are very discrete. )

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After he was tied up I blindfolded him and spent some time teasing him. I played with his penis, fingered his ass a little, and nibbled on his ears. I felt myself starting to get all dripping wet, the way I do when I tie him up and tease him. So, I rubbed my wet pussy against his leg and whispered “I can’t believe how horny it makes me to tease you like this…” He trembled as he felt the lips of my pussy brush all along his legs. And I said “What should I do next, my pretty pet?”

He answered “Whatever you want.”

I thought about un-cuffing his wrists from his ankles so I could stretch him out and ride him for awhile. But then I thought, “He did say whatever I want, so maybe I’ll just ignore him and spend some time on myself…”

I rolled over on my back and started to rub my wet fingers on my clit. I could feel it swell and become harder as it filled with blood. I moaned.

Poor pet, blindfolded and stuck on his back with his ankles and wrists locked to each other, was completely unable to make a move to join me. He struggled against the cuffs, but they were too strong. He pleaded with me, “Oh mistress, let me help!” but I ignored him.

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I reached for my dildo and stuck it in my ass, pinning it against the mattress under me. I started to move against it, but not thrust the way a guy would. Just a gentle grinding that hit all the nice spots inside of me. I kept moaning while listening to pets’ pleas.

It was then that I decided I needed another dildo.

Since I did not have one, I decided to use my pet. I un-clipped his ankles from his feet, while keeping his ankles clipped to one another and his wrists clipped to one another. This gave him just enough freedom of movement to follow my instructions as I told him: “Get on top of me and slide inside of me, but do not thrust. Hold completely still.”

I then began to grind softly against both his cock and the dildo, moving just enough to massage my clit on the inside while I rubbed the outside.

Pet tried to start thrusting but I grabbed the riding crop by the bed and hit his ass with so much force that the whole room echoed and I screamed “Bad pet! You are just my little fuck toy, do you understand? I am not here for you to get off. You are here for ME to get off, and for that to happen I need you to hold still.”

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He held still then, but made sad little whimpering noises while I continued to grind softly against him and the dildo, until I finally came up to the edge of orgasm, and spilled wonderfully over into twitchy happiness.

Once I recovered, I whispered softly in Pet’s ear: “Good pet. You’ve done well. And as your reward, you may fuck me now, as hard as you want.”

After such an intense orgasm, his thrusting inside me felt amazing. I let him ride me as hard and fast as he could until he finally asked me “Mistress, may I cum now?”

“Yes pet, I said softly. Yes, you may cum now.”

He shuddered and fell on top of me. I unhooked the clips that bound his wrists and ankles, but left the cuffs on.

He would remember, as long as we laid in that bed, that I owned him and he was my toy.

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I Have Been Upgraded

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So I headed out to Deep Roots Tattoo shop in Seattle, Washington last week. My purpose was to obtain a tiny magnet, implanted in the skin of my ring finger. I wrote about Steve Haworth before, and the cool body modifications he does.

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Of course now, I am having a little bit of trouble typing, so I’ll keep this short:

After m finger was numbed with ice, a small cut was made and the magnet slipped in. Then a stitch was put in my finger to hold the wound closed.

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This implant, when healed, will allow me to sense magnetic fields. I am super-excited about it, and I will let you all know how it goes once I’m healed and can type easily again.

I know this isn’t strictly BDSM related, but I wanted to share this adventure, and I do feel like many folks in the community are into body modification. (Or at least, that has been my experience.)

Steve is doing an East Coast tour in a few weeks, so if you are interested in getting your own upgrades, make sure to check him out!

And don’t worry; when I’m all healed up I’ll let you know how the magnet is working out.

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