In a recent discussion with a friend, he said “I know she’s crazy, but the crazy ones are the best in bed.”
And I said that if he felt that way, he wasn’t doing it right.
I couldn’t explain properly at the time (it was after a few drinks). So I’m going to try to explain now.
Let me start by saying that I have done things for some guys that I could never have done for others. Every relationship has it’s own chemistry and it’s own dynamic. But in general, it is much easier to be kinky and fun with someone who makes you feel sexy.
So how do you make a girl feel sexy?
Well, I suppose there is a certain amount of accounting for individual personality that is required. And I understand that. But remember that I am always speaking in general, and I know there are exceptions to everything I say.
With that said, some guys are nervous or shy. They aren’t able to be shamelessly attracted to a girl and to express that in a way that she can see. That is fair. If you’re shy, just do your best. If it means writing sexy e-mails or poetry or whatever it takes, then do what you have to do to make your female partner feel as desired as you can.
Some guys just aren’t that into the girls they are sleeping with. They may think their partner is fine to have sex with in the dark, but would get no delight from seeing them in lingerie because they are overweight or proportioned in a way that seems unattractive. And if THAT is your problem, then maybe you should be with someone else. Or, learn to find the person you’re with attractive. Because if YOU don’t think she’s attractive, then she’s not going to feel attractive.
I use a lot of different things to show and to tell a girl that she is perfect and gorgeous and fun. I make sure that I tell them every single day that I think they are beautiful and sexy. I make a point of stroking their hair, touching them every chance I get, and constantly complimenting them. I find the features I like the most and point them out often. So perhaps she has beautiful eyes the color of a stormy sea. Perhaps she has adorable little freckles. Maybe she has a really great butt. But whatever I can find to love, I passionately love those things and express my love for them often.
(Note: No amount of flattery is too much. You literally can’t go overboard with this.)
I also plant suggestions. Perhaps I love the way they dance, and so I tell them that often, and then playfully slip in the idea of a strip tease someday. Or maybe I think they would look great in something silk and slinky, so I buy something for them and encourage them to wear it. Maybe I buy some sexy shoes, and tell them how great they look and ask that they keep them on when we play. Or perhaps a shade of red lipstick that I buy, so they can wear it on sexy nights out.
Women will act a lot more outgoing and do a lot more with someone who makes them feel wanted and attractive, and because of this, it should always be your goal to make that happen.
I know that for myself, I had some body issues after I had cancer. And some people made me feel worse about them. And with those people, I found it necessary to blindfold them or have the lights off when we played. As a Domme, I need to have confidence. And I can’t have that with someone who makes me feel unattractive.
Then some boys would just embrace me exactly as I was. They would kiss every inch of me, and note every scar with care. I remember the first time someone kissed the scar on my side, and told me that I was all the more beautiful because of the things that I had survived. It made me feel sexy, and also appreciated. And that helped me to be more exciting for them than I am for most people.
I know it’s true for me, and I’ve seen it be true for other girls. The more sexy you feel, the crazier you can be in bed. I did a strip tease for my tattoo artist once because he made me feel beautiful. He said that no one on Earth was more beautiful to him, inside or out. And he constantly made me feel sexy enough that I could do things like strip slowly and wiggle my body like I was still a teenager without scars or stretch marks or any of the imperfections we collect on our way through life.
My point is; you don’t need to date a girl with issues to have fun in bed. That’s a silly thing to think, and it’s a stereotype that has always frustrated me. All you need to do is show a girl that they’re on your mind, and appreciated in your bed.
For a boy who constantly made me feel like a sex goddess, I broke several soft limits and did things I’ve never done with anyone else, including making videos of us having sex, some water sports, and even letting him suck on my toes (I’m usually pretty self-conscious of my enormous feet.) For him I would be happy to be on top, always thrilled to give blowjobs, and in general try anything suggested at least once. And it was FUN. I loved feeling that way. I loved having my scars kissed, and my shape appreciated, and my flaws adored. For him I was the quintessential freak in bed.
I can’t be like that for everyone. Some people just don’t make me feel sexy. And so I blindfold them and I have some fun, but I don’t go out of my comfort zone. I don’t branch out, experiment, or take risks. I don’t dress in cute lingerie for people who don’t make me feel like they want to see me naked.
So yes, it is true that crazy girls have less inhibitions. But perfectly sane girls shed inhibitions easily if given the proper motivation. With that in mind, make sure your partner knows how much you adore them, and then I promise you, you’ll have awesome sex.