Watching My Husband Have Sex



One of the things people talk about when they advocate for monogamy is about picturing their lovers having sex with someone else. They say they simply can not handle the thought; that it is too awful to think about. Often, in a relationship, the parties involved begin to feel a sort of ownership of each other, and of course this extends to sex.

In fact, I have seen jealousy in the many extremes over the course of my lifetime. Once, a member of my D&D party found himself kicked out of his home by his girlfriend. I offered my couch as a place to stay until he sorted out what to do, and inadvertently opened myself up to the private details of his relationship as they continued to fight in my hallway long after he had moved out. He was vocal about he details.

It seems that she felt that even looking at another woman on the street was cheating, as was watching pornography and talking to other girls. When they had been together, she had gone so far as to “supervise” our D&D quests, sitting in while not playing just to make sure he wasn’t looking at any of the female players while he played his character.

It is not my wish to judge this type of relationship. Cheating is whatever you and your partner agree to, and that can be anything from emotional connections with others to physical love. It can be anything from your subscription to Playboy, to talking to a female coworker. And where you set limits in your relationship is none of my business.

However, I would like to say that just as I am willing to respect your right to consider pornography cheating if you wish, I think it’s also important to consider the other side of things. Perhaps my standards for what is considered “cheating” can be equally valid to your own?

With that said, I happen to really enjoy watching my husband have sex with people other than myself.

For us, cheating is defined as lying to the other person about a relationship. It’s fine to form emotional attachments with other people (I was rather attached to my recent boyfriends in Portland, and he’s been attached to many of his lovers as well.) But we were always honest about it.

I think we knew at some point along the way that we share a bond that is unique for both of us; one of mutual love and respect that is somehow deeper than other attachments that we form. I couldn’t explain why. It’s still too new for me to understand. It will be three years in the spring, and in that time I can’t say I’ve ever really figured out how it works. We are just alike in a way that is fundamental to who we are, and it allows us to understand each other in a way that is comfortable and fun for us both.

As it turns out, we both enjoy going to sex cubs, having threesomes, and other variants on “traditional” sex. And this has allowed me opportunities to see my husband in ways that I couldn’t see him if we were exclusive. I have been able to watch him whisper in another girl’s ear during an orgy, telling her that she was beautiful and asking if she would like to have sex. And I have been able to watch her giggle and say yes, and then to see him take her in his arms and watch how things played out. Seeing him so completely enthralled in what he was doing at the time; the way he forgot about the room full of people and saw only her… and to see him so focused, in a way he never is about anything but sex…

To me, it was fascinating. And certainly it made him seem more attractive to me. Here were these beautiful girls, far prettier than me, excited to have sex with him. Moaning in pleasure. Laying back, closing their eyes, and giving themselves over to the moment…

When I see my husband that way, it reminds me how beautiful he is. It makes the silly things fade away. Yes, he drops food on the floor when he eats. Yes, he will leave all his clothes in a pile (clean and dirty!), smelling them to see if he can wear them. He has habits that I find perplexing or don’t entirely understand. But those are silly things. What do they really matter?

Another occasion where we had a threesome with a stunningly beautiful girl in Korea, I was watching them have sex after I had played with her, and I was amazed at how they were more beautiful than people in a porn. And yet here they were, giving me this little private show. And I got to see them at their most vulnerable, and in such a state of being laid bare before me, in every sense. And they were just gorgeous.

It’s not the same as the cuckold phenomenon, where a person enjoys being deprived while their partner engages in sexual contact with someone else. I couldn’t find a name for our fetish. We just enjoy seeing every aspect of one another. We like to see how we each behave, from up close and at a distance. And we like to see other people be charmed by each other.

All I know is, when I watch people have sex with my husband, or fall in love with my husband, or laugh at his jokes even; I am proud beyond words. And it reminds me how great he is, and how lucky I am to have him. It reminds me that his good points far outweigh anything bad, and that the relationship will always be worth the effort I put in, because I get so much back.

Lately I have been on a military base around a lot of monogamous people who think that my husband and I can’t possible love each other, because we have an open relationship. And this does seem to be a common view. But somehow, for us, it is the opposite. We love each other more, because other people love us too.

So I guess that I’m just asking once again for tolerance. Everyone is different, and each relationship is unique. Let’s remember that, and try to respect everyone’s unique view of life.



8 thoughts on “Watching My Husband Have Sex

  1. This is so beautiful.. You are living out what I have been trying to explain to my partner for some time.. *sigh* It’s nice to know that there are couples out there living this way and it’s not just some ideal I concocted in my mind.. It’s sad though that my partner and I are so far off…

    • It is a struggle to have a partner that sees things like this very differently. I dated a vanilla guy for quite awhile and we were monogamous. I loved him, so it was not terribly hard, but I did get that stab now and again of knowing I was missing out on other things I wanted to do.

      • That’s how I feel something – Many people have asked me when are we getting married and with how things are, the idea scares the hell out of me, I really do love my man but I cannot see myself being with him and only him, sexually, for the rest of my life… He has mentioned that we could try sleeping with other people and inviting other people but he has never done anything to act on it.. and as the dominant in the relationship I would expect him to do something about it.. I don’t think I should have to ask, especially since he knows i have trouble being faithful to him… We’ve been together 5 years now and I have sent him to sleep with other women, which he did, but as yet he has not taken my desires in that respect into consideration…. 😦 I don’t want to cheat on him, but I don’t want to feel like I am denying myself… So I find myself in this miserable place – a place that some might call compromise.

      • That sounds really complicated.

        I don’t think you can ever understand a relationship from the outside, so it’s no good if I try to give you advice about it.

        But how about some general advice?

        I got my husband into this sort of thing by taking him to a place called Club Desire. The one we went to was in Seoul, but there are clubs like it in most major cities around the world.

        There, you are given a couch in a public room. You may sit and watch. If you are feeling frisky you may have sex with each other. Or if you are really daring you may approach others about swapping.

        My husband loved it! And that is how I got him hooked.

        Also, he likes Club Sesso and The Velvet Rope in Portland (both swingers clubs).

        It’s true that as a submissive it can sometimes seem awkward to take charge of your sex life. I am sure that is true. But that doesn’t mean you can’t suggest places to visit…

  2. Pingback: Watching My Husband Have Sex | Threesomes and Variations

  3. I loved you statement “we enjoy seeing every aspect of each other. You’re right, that’s nit cuck, and it even goes beyond compersion. It’s a interesting and thrilling thing to see every aspect of someone you deeply love. More than just getting satisfaction from their satisfaction. I wonder if there is a single word that captures that? Whatever the word, I think we both have it! Thank you for the great post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s