This is not a kink post. This one is for everyone. I recently read this article, called “A Women’s Right to Say Meh.” And now I feel obligated to reiterate something I have said before, but which most men still don’t know.
Women do not cum from penetration.
It’s not that it doesn’t feel nice. It can. But it’s not how we get off. And I am so sick of men thinking that it is. Let’s examine a scenario:
A man and women find themselves deciding to have sex. The man is pushy about taking the lead (which pretty much always happens) and does a few things he considers foreplay in order to build to what he thinks of as sex, which is the penetration part. He sticks it in and thrusts until he gets off, and then whispers to the girl “Did you cum?”
(Most girls just read that and saw red as they remembered how much they hate that moment of sexual frustration and jealousy and misery right after.)
This plays out in bedrooms across the planet every day, and just writing that made me want to go punch a random dude in the face because I am so mad that this is still a thing.
I don’t even have sex with guys anymore if they can’t tell me how a women gets off. I just laugh and tell them no. This makes it look like I don’t like sex; and that’s not true. I love sex. But I want to have an orgasm too, or what is the point?
The sexist thing a man ever said to me while text-flirting on a dating site was: “I want to tear your clothes off and lick you’re pussy until you cum all over my face.”
(I still get a little wet just thinking about it.)
That demonstrated not only an understanding of female orgasm, but an enthusiasm for it. He wanted to do a thing to please me, and of course, that made me want to do things to please him.
Women are all different, so some of us can be kind of complicated. Female genitalia is not standardized, and so some of us like our labia played with, while some of us find it annoying. Some of us are okay with you using a finger in our ass while you lick our clit, and some of us are not. Different things feel good to different women. But the universal fact is that the sex organ we have which causes us to orgasm is simply NOT in our vagina. It’s not. Honestly. Look at an anatomy book. The clitoris is very real, and it lives above the vaginal opening. And if you don’t directly stimulate it, the woman you are playing with is not going to have an orgasm.
When I tell most men this, they get angry. They insist that their ex could cum from penetration and that I am just being difficult. This is unfortunate, because it falls back to basic instincts, and how under it all women are just afraid to offend a man’s masculinity (a thing he defends with his life) and admit that they didn’t “get off” from his repeated thrusting. Well look; of course women can’t cum if you don’t stimulate the thing that causes that to happen. If I rub your toe over and over but never touch your penis, will you get off? No? Well there you have it. Plain and simple.
Often when women say no to sex, it is not because of the cultural nonsense that brands them a “whore” if they have sex and enjoy it. Many women are over the stupid social connotations and are willing to admit that sex is fun and they want to do it. But that doesn’t mean they want to have bad sex. If it’s just going to suck, what is the point?
I think we have all had enough moments where we lay in bed next to a guy who has just got off from pounding our pussy, and he’s happy and euphoric from orgasm; and we want to stab him in the throat because he says “Did you get off?”
No. No we did not. We don’t just magically get off without help.
And some of the guys that know women don’t cum from penetration still consider it the woman’s responsibility. They say things like “why aren’t you touching yourself?” during penetration. Guys, for the record: Unless your penis is very, very tiny, I cannot masturbate while you’re thrusting. You’re in my way.
And who would want a repeat performance with a guy who thought he was “good in bed” because he told you to masturbate while he was busy trying to get himself off? My god! I would rather be at home by myself with a nice book or some porn and my toys. The whole point of having you there is supposed to be to make the experience better for me than it could have been if I was by myself. If you can’t do that, then why would I want you there?
The simple fact is that most men suck in bed.
That’s right guys. Most of you are awful. And unless you get better, there is no reason for us to want to have sex with you. If a girl seems “meh” about sex when you bring it up, that is probably because you didn’t bring it up in a way that appeals to her. So read some stuff online, look at a diagram of female genitalia, and learn how to please a woman. Then, let her know that you know how and that you are willing to do it every time.
My very fondest memories of nights spent with a man was a guy who insisted that he wanted to get me off at least twice before “the penetration part.” Sometimes we never got to that part. Sometimes he would be exhausted after my second orgasm and just curl up with me and fall asleep. He was one of those rare guys who loves to watch other people squirm; a people pleaser who saw the female orgasm as a fun puzzle to solve. He was happy just making me happy, and for that, I would have followed him to the ends of the Earth and walked through fire to make him happy. Because, when a woman finds a man who is actually good in bed, she will do anything to keep him.
I once heard this piece of advice given to a boy:
“Now look; a women doesn’t want a man around all the time. Sometimes they find you an annoyance, because they would rather be in sweat pants eating ice cream with their girlfriends. A woman can easily find another man, and so she considers him replaceable. She’ll walk right out the door on you. But if you can please a woman in bed, she’ll have her hand on the doorknob, and she’ll turn around and decide to stay.”
This is true. In High School I was the girl dating the one guy who knew how to give good oral sex, and every girl in school tried to steal him from me once I opened my big mouth and told them about it.
Other guys at the school were confused. They had seen him in the locker room and, because they think women care about big penises, were always saying “but he’s got a small dick, why do they like him?” The answer, of course, was that the tongue that knows what it is doing is worth a hundred giant dicks. We can get a dildo for that part. We don’t need an actual man. But no sex toy made replaces the feel of gentle tongue stokes across the clit.
So anyway, because I have been trying to date lately and I have run into a few guys who are obviously clueless about the female orgasm, there it is guys. We don’t cum from your penis, so please stop assuming that we do and learn how to eat pussy.