Guest Post by J.D. DeLemont

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Hi, my name is J.D. DeLemont, and I want to ask for your help. With the Magically Delicious Super Slut’s permission, I am writing this post to beg you all to help promote my book Love & the Desert.

This book portrays kinky characters as normal human beings who are freaky in bed, and attempts to highlight important issues in the community (like consent!) It’s more exciting than all that though. It’s really just a fun story about a girl who just happens to be a kinkster. The first book is only a little kinky, and as the series progresses the characters go deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole (to show a normal progression of a person from private desire to integration into the community.)

Why should you help me promote the book?

Good question! I’m glad you asked. You should do this because it is the first book in a series that will be released over the course of 2016 which explores various aspects of kink in a healthy light. We as a community need more books that explore kink as something average people do.

How can you help?

Good question! In these modern times, most authors have to pay for a PR campaign from a professional firm to launch their career. So instead of doing that (because I can’t afford to), I am going to depend on my fellow kinky folks to help me. Here are four simple things you can do:

One: 

Write a review on amazon.com! No, you don’t have to read the book to do this. The computer program assigned to determine a book’s popularity does so based on a number of arbitrary things, like how many reviews a book gets- but it can’t read! You could literally write anything and be helpful.

Example Review: “OMG swan attacks!”

(Yes, there really is a swan attack in the book.)

This will help the book to appear higher in search results, and that allows new people to discover it and potentially even buy it and read it. So go to amazon.com, search for “Love & the Desert” by J.D. DeLemont, and then click “write a review!”

Two:

Tell your friends! Word of mouth is really important and it does make a difference. Do you have a friend who likes romance novels? Great! Tell them about the book. Do you have a friend who enjoys geeky things like Star Trek and S.C.A.? Great! The book is full of that, so you should tell them about it. Maybe you know someone from Phoenix, Arizona? Well great! The book is set there, and they will surely be amused to read about actual places they have been and can go to again like the Scottsdale Civic Center and the Nile Theater.

Word of mouth makes a difference and if you tell people and they tell people, it will mean a whole lot more than a $20,000 PR campaign ever could!

Three:

Ask about it at your local bookstore! Everyone has a cute local bookstore like The Poison Pen or Changing Hands. Those wonderful examples of independent bookstores that hold on in our communities and continue to be awesome places to meet authors and attend book signings. But, they won’t stock a book unless there is a demand for it. Most of them have a request list, comment card, or suggestion box. So go in, and ask if they carry “Love & the Desert” by J.D. DeLemont. When they say no, simply recommend that they carry it!

Four:

Buy the book. I know this is a drastic step and the only thing on this list that costs money. But if you buy the book, you will be doing wonderful things like helping to support an artist, and cancel out the negative karma that 50 Shades brought into our little world! It’s not an expensive book. It’s not like it’s a hardcover or something. Think of it! For under $20 you can fund a penniless writer. It’s really a donation to help fight world hunger, because I am hungry. And more than that, it’s a donation to help me write more in the future. Creating culture takes time and caffeine, and you can help me have these things!

Of course you will have my eternal gratitude if you do any of these things. You can write to me at jddelemont@gmail.com and tell me of your valiant efforts, and I will in turn send you good karma straight through the Internet! Or you can visit my site and comment on how crappy my book is and what you want to see in the next one instead, and I will listen to whatever you have to say!

Thanks for reading!

End of Year Thoughts and Wishes.

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First, even though I write about my husband and our poly relationship all the time, it seems like I still get people being surprised/upset when they find out that I am married. So just to clear that one up, I am still married, and social conventions are still dicks.

Though I haven’t been able to date much since I got stuck on Guam, I still think slut-shaming is wrong (and that’s one of my best posts in all my years blogging.)

I update my lists of people you should check out and books you should read all the time, so make sure to check those out if you are looking for resources. I even have a whole subcategory of just book reviews.

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I have been meeting a lot of folks on Guam, and this has definitely led to some posts about how women are people and you need to talk to them like people, but also a lot of posts about helping people learn about kink.

All in all, it’s been a good year. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I started this blog just to amuse a friend who pestered me to share what I knew. He’s off in South America somewhere now with his wife, and for some reason, I am still writing.

Well, I guess I do it for those of you who read, since wordpress gets all the ad revenue and I don’t get a dime. No matter. Thanks for reading! Cheers to your 2016!

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Parts of a Scene

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A friend asked me how long an average kink scene is, and I had to think about it because it seems like it is different for everyone. I thought it would be easier, instead of giving a time, to break down each section.

Scene Set Up

Before your intended arrives, there are things you need to do! First, get a dungeon playlist together. Nothing that is going to make you guys laugh. (Unless you want that in the scene.) I guess what I mean is, nothing that will make you break character when you don’t want to.

My favorite bands for play are element a440, Hardwire, Faderhead, and Selfless. But of course, I throw in Marilyn Manson or NIN from time to time, or whatever I am in the mood for that has a good beat. Sometimes it’s a Children of Bodem kind of day, or a Cradle of Filth Day. Obviously not everyone has my taste in music, but that’s just what I like.

Set out your toys! You don’t want to go rummaging for things, so set out all the toys you want to use and make sure they are all clean. If you will be using condoms, set those out as well. Make sure everything you might need is already out and ready to go.

I usually take about 30 minutes to an hour to select my playlist, layout my toys, and prepare any required paperwork.

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Scene Negotiation

I like to make tea, because I think it’s easier to talk about sex with a warm cup of something in your hand. I also enjoy using forms for new subs, because I think it makes it easier for them to tell me what they want and what their limits are. For men who will be using toys that make marks on women, I always suggest one of the forms you consider is a consent form, making it clear exactly what is being consented to. Hitting? Leaving marks? Sex? Get it in writing, just in case.

Scene negotiation is about communication. Establish safe words, talk about limits, suggest roles, and discuss general things you want. Also, discuss STDs and trade tests before agreeing to have sex without a condom. Discuss how you plan to prevent pregnancy (if applicable). Just get all the issues on the table.

With a new person, this often takes me an hour. But with someone I play with regularly, it’s more like a 15 minute ‘what should we try today’ kind of thing.

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Play Part

Then comes the actual tying up. Of course I have talked about rope not being my favorite thing. I am more the cuffs and collars type. But whatever you do to restrain your sub, then you get into the various ideas for what to do.  Obviously there are lots of toy options from nipple clamps to floggers and whips. There’s knife play and fire play and any number of fun games to play with someone when they are restrained.

Note: Please please please don’t just do what you see in porn. I know we have all watched stuff on kink.com and I am not saying that is a bad thing. But do not just use vibratos and be lazy. Put in some effort. There is nothing worse than a lazy Dom who just ties up their sub, straps a vibrator on them, and goes out for a smoke. (Unless she asked for that, in which case do ahead.)

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Sex Part

The sex part and the play part can totally overlap. I am not trying to tell you how you have to run a scene or anything. However, if you’re whipping and spanking and such, there is usually a level of physical distance between you that makes sex impossible, so I am assuming that most of us do the sex part after the play part.

I have written before about how sometimes sex is a long affair if you get one of those wonderful guys who is obsessed with giving women multiple orgasms. (Miss you all the time Dante!)

Anyway, how long this takes is up to you. I am going to say about an hour, because that seems about right.

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Aftercare

This is really important so please don’t skip it! Resentment builds up way too quickly in kink relationships when it comes to things that both parties don’t enjoy. It’s harder to talk about than vanilla sex.

So, hold your sub. Pet them. Tell them that they are beautiful and that they are a good girl/boy. And invite them to give you feedback. Be genuine. You want feedback. It’s okay if they are too shy to speak up the first few times. Just keep asking.

I guess this is usually 30 minutes to an hour.

So, how long is a scene? I have no idea. I guess my point is that it all depends on you.

Rope Bondage

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Lately, I have been asked a lot about how to get better at rope bondage. I must admit, rope bondage isn’t something I do. I have talked before about how I prefer gear ties and cuffs. However, I have nothing but respect for those who practice this noble art.

Because I can’t tell you a lot about how to do it, I wanted to give you some resources:

The Two Knotty Boys are wonderful! I saw them do a show at the CSPC in Seattle, and I can’t tell you how impressed I was. They move with a style and grace that is rivaled by few.

My other recommendation is Twisted Monk. They can give you good ideas. If you visit their page, you’ll find lots of useful instructional videos that you can watch and practice along with. If you want to learn the art of rope bondage, these are some men who can help.

Please remember to keep safety in mind. One of the reasons I don’t do rope bondage is because I worry about missing the signs and causing damage to my rope bunny. Remember to keep something handy to cut ropes fast, just in case a toe starts turning blue!

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Motivations

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I recently had a conversation that made me want to point something out that everyone may not realize.

Some folks get into kink because they have a passing interest. Maybe they feel like they are missing out on secret fun that everyone else is having, or maybe they just want to spice up the sex life in their relationship. But the point is, they came into the idea as adults.

At munches, people often talk about how they got into kink. For people who get interested later in life, the answer is often simple: a book they read, a movie they watched, overhearing a conversation, etc…

This is a completely valid way to get into the community.

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On the other hand, some people were born kinky. I know that to the first group, that doesn’t seem possible. To them, it’s a pastime to enhance their life. But many of the people that tell their “how I got into kink” stories at munches have to go back to childhood to explain.

I learned how to masturbate at five years old (which is about the age that most little girls figure it out.) I fantasized about getting kidnapped by the Borg from Star Trek, spankings, and other non-sexual but kinky things. It would be another ten years before I even realized that other people thought about sex when they masturbated.

Over the years, I have met a lot of people like me; all with similar stories. We always thought about kinky things from a young age. And for us, vanilla sex is missing something important.

Both groups are equally valid, but certainly it’s amazing to realize how different people are, and how we all came to the same place from different perspectives.

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