Yes, Valentine’s Day is a stupid Hallmark Holiday. That’s true. But it means a lot to some people, and this can get very complicated if you are poly. So, what do you do when you are in three relationships and everyone wants to be together on Valentine’s Day or go to a Valentine’s day event together?
I wish there was an easy answer to that question.
The truth is, there are no easy answers and it’s simply a matter of doing a lot of negotiation and figuring out how to find a solution that works for everyone.
Basic Tips That May Help:
1. Do not commit to anything until you are sure! If your primary says “Can I go out with someone else for Valentine’s Day?” and you say yes, make sure you mean it. Don’t think you can get a date, not get a date, and then sit alone hating someone who gave you a fair chance to say no.
By the same token, do not commit to going on a date and then back out at the last minute because someone has a meltdown. Honor your commitments, and take care of hurt feelings on the right person’s time.
2. Don’t try to be with everyone at once. I know, it’s hard. Maybe you are on a date and someone else is texting you, and you know they are home alone and sad. Maybe you want to keep checking on them. Don’t.
You need to do your best to be where you are when you are. If you negotiated a date with someone, don’t go out with them and then spend all your time on the phone with someone else.
3. Be mindful of gifts. Maybe that guy you went on three dates with doesn’t need a card. But your boyfriend of a year does, and your primary probably deserves a very thoughtful and creative gift.
Whatever you do, do not just get everyone the same thing!
There’s probably a lot more, but those are just a few basic things that might be good to keep in mind. Remember, if you don’t know something it is okay to ask. You can say “Do you need me to spend Valentine’s Day with you?” or “Do you feel that we have known each other long enough to exchange gifts?” And remember, if you are asked these kinds of questions, please be honest. If you don’t communicate the things you want, you are not very likely to get them.
To my beautiful Pet:
Thank you for being the very best part of my day, every single day. There are many people that I love, but no one else that I like to be with day in and day out. I never get tired of you.
Happy Hallmark Holiday!
I love you.