Yes, there is the adventure of meeting new people and maybe falling in love. That part is great! But there is also the frustration of putting yourself out there and getting back a lot of garbage.
So I will give you these two examples of garbage from my inbox this week.
Guy Number One:
The first guy said:
“Wut u up to i want to fuk.”
He had no profile picture, and no information filled out about himself. So for all I knew, he could be an 800 pound serial killer. He probably was.
When I replied back and said that he would do better to talk to women like people (i.e. say “Hello” to them first) and to fill out his profile a little, he quickly messaged back and called me an “ugly whore.”
Now, I am a slutty, dirty whore. That’s true. I am a magically delicious super slut. I have a lot of very hot, very nasty sex and I love it. I have threesomes and orgies and I do all the things that your girlfriend thinks are gross.
Anyway, I was just giving actual helpful advice. I didn’t point out the spelling or grammar errors in his original message, although there were many. I genuinely think men who message women with idiot stuff have never been taught better, and so I nicely offered to help.
So naturally, he called me an “ugly whore.”
Guy Number Two:
First off, you should know that I am 34 years old. My husband is 25. That should give you an idea of the age range that I hang out in.
Guy number two is 68 years old. He messages me to say that he wants to hang out.
Now, he was polite, and I appreciate that. So I say that it is a shame the island is so small and that we have so few chances to hang out with new people, but that I don’t think he’s my type.
He could have left it at that, but he didn’t. He just had to know why.
I was as nice as possible. I said “There is a more than 30 year age gap between us, and that makes me uncomfortable because even my dad is only 25 years older than me. Imagine if I 98 year old messaged you. It would be kind of like that.”
After all, I am just trying to politely explain that I am not into daddy-daughter stuff or age play or any of that (and of course my profile does reflect my interests). I am uncomfortable with older men due to being molested when I was young, and someone older than my dad just grosses me out beyond words to think about.
So naturally he sent back a nasty message about how no matter how old we get, we are all the same inside, and that I was discriminating and a bitch. Because, I guess, who cares if I have hangups that are personal to my history and insurmountable in my mind?
I understand that dating can be frustrating. I have a friend just dipping her toes into the dating game after years of not even trying, and I have been doing my best to be encouraging and helpful. I know it’s hard.
However, on fetlife.com I expect a certain standard of behavior. I expect people to greet me in a manner befitting my persona, and to accept any kind rejection with returned kindness. We’re all into different stuff, and that is okay.
I guess it’s partly Guam, which has shown me little in the way of viable options. The one nice guy I met was ordered off to Nebraska before we got a chance to really hang out. It is a small island.
Still, we can maintain our decency as a community, can’t we? We can be polite and encourage those who are new, or who don’t fit in quite right, can’t we?
Mostly I never check my Fetlife anymore because of the sort of people who have messaged me since I have been here. But I have been disappointed each time I have checked it and that is too bad.