Happy Halloween!

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I don’t normally post personal pictures on my Magically Delicious Super Slut blog, but I just love Halloween so much that I wanted to share pictures from last Halloween with you.

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This year, I am in on vacation for Halloween.

 

But while I am away, please enjoy my Mummy Meatballs, Candy Corn Cookies, and even a chicken from “50 Shades of Chicken” (A book my friend gave me.)

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This one is tied up with bacon! It was totally amazing, although I definitely had help with the chicken. (The rest I did on my own.)

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It was a great party, and the first time I actually made food of any kind specially for Halloween.

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I’m not really the sort of person who sees a thing in a magazine and then tries it, but in this case, I did.

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Halloween is my very favorite holiday, so I hope all you kinky kids have something special planned.

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I can’t wait to come home in November and tell you about my adventures on my trip!


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The Other Side of “Be Welcoming”

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Recently I wrote about how it’s nice to be welcoming to new people. This is because someone I love in Phoenix was thinking about going to his first munch, and I didn’t want him to feel out of place. When I wrote that, I was thinking about it from the point of view of the newbie.

However, it turns out I can have more than one point of view. I realized that a few hours ago.

Today I logged into fetlife.com and got yet another message from someone who is ‘curious’ about what it’s like to submit to a woman:

“Well [I am curious about] the aspect of you being a Domme. I am very curious about becoming a sub. I have spent so much of my life in all aspects of, being a dominate type a alpha, I’m very intrigued in surrendering, submitting and giving up all control to a lady. So I’m curious what your take on that would be.”

So this is someone who is new to the community and I had just said we should be welcoming, right?

But it turns out that I am so tired of being welcoming. Every one of these messages I get (and why do they all have a picture of their dick as their profile?) is the same. They have always been the same, since 20 years ago when I was going to APEX get-togethers in Tempe, Arizona after High School.

No one with any experience ever sends me an interesting message about wanting to play. It’s always newbies expecting me to instruct them on the ways of kink.

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I would like to publicly admit that I am a hypocrite and kind of an asshole.

Yes, I really am.

Because my response was:

“I am sorry. It’s just I am way past the stage of ‘curiosity.’ I have been in the community for 20 years and worked as a professional Dominatrix. So I have had 20 years of guys who are ‘curious’ asking me to tell them what it’s like to be dominated by a lady. It’s actually WHY I started my kink blog.

No offense, of course. I just have done enough teaching, and workshops, and bringing people into the fold. My interest at this point in my life is in meeting someone who already knows what they like/want out of life and kink, so that I don’t have to do all the work anymore.”

So I realized that I should have been more specific in my first post.

I guess what I meant was that it’s good to be friendly to new people at a munch. But if someone on fetlife asks you to take on the enormous task of teaching them about the community and being their mentor, well, that is another story.

I didn’t realize until I replied to the fetlife message above how sick I am of being so nice all the time. I am sick of helping new people find their way into the community and holding their hands. I don’t want to do it anymore. And now when anyone asks me “I want to know what it’s like to be dominated by a woman” I can’t bring myself to care even a little.

Good for you, person who is new to kink and curious.

I hope you find a great mentor who will make you love kink as much as I do.

I just don’t want it to be me.

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Sex Worker Rights

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Recently I wrote a blog entitled “I am not a hooker” after this military douche expected me to show him around a sex club just because I wrote about it on my blog.

(And I wrote about it years ago, mind you.)

A friend of mine is a sex worker, and took offense at the term “hooker” being used in a negative context. I am always one to admit when I am wrong, so I promised to write a post to apologize for my mistake.

Yes, I was upset that yet another white American man felt entitled to my attention. I really find it completely unacceptable the way those type of men so often act like you owe them something because they think they’re so fucking special, (when actually you don’t owe them shit and no one does and they should all fuck off.)

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However, my disgust at the rudeness of the man in question (and his subsequent stalking of me which I had to put a stop to) are no excuse for my acting as though sex work is not a valid career choice. Women at places like the Bunny Ranch in Nevada are providing a wanted service, and they are making more money than I ever will by doing it.

Sex work should be legal and destigmatized, and I support the fight that all sex workers are in to be legalized as career professionals.

So I apologize to my friend, and to all the sex workers I may have offended. It’s true that I personally have never engaged in sex work, but I don’t disapprove of it. I didn’t appreciate the military douche acting entitled, and I did not mean to disparage sex workers in the process of teaching him a lesson in propriety.

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Porn Addiction

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Until recently, porn addiction was not a topic that I had ever thought about. However, as I have mentioned before, someone I love is going through a divorce. As the party who is listening and trying to be there, I am shocked to see the inside of the relationship as described to me.

Apparently it’s wrong to watch porn according to some people. And, if you watch it, you will become deviant in your sexual interests.

That is (I am told) bad.

As I understand, the person in question was expected to never watch porn or get any new ideas, and instead have the same boring sex for the rest of his life. Because being interested in reading about or watching sex acts in order to expand your pallet is “cheating,” and also “gross.”

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So it made me wonder: Why is the term “porn addiction” a thing?

I look back through history on dildos from Egypt and wood carvings of sex acts from the Middle Ages in Europe, and what I see is a society that had always had pornography and sex toys.

These things seem to have been part of life for as long as humans have had the written word and the ability to make pictures.

(And by the way, if you Google “naughty woodcuts” you’ll see that none of us in the kink community have shit on the generations of the past. They got off to wood cuts of a cat with a penis surgically stitched to its face, and a woman trying to feed said cat a fish. Don’t ever tell me that society has gotten more kinky, because if you ask me, we have toned it down.)

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Humans only have a few really basic urges. Food, Water, and Sex.

So if that is the case, then how can being interested in sex be a mental illness (i.e. “porn addiction”)? Doesn’t it stand to reason that if you are not interested in sex, that is the more unnatural position?

I feel like their needs to be a speech here about puritan values and women being taught to hate sex and feel shame about it, but I have said all of that so many times that I can hardly stand to think about it anymore.

Slut shaming is wrong.

No really, it is.

If you don’t know why slut-shaming is wrong, please click the links above before we continue.

Anyway, yes. I think slut shaming is part of the problem here. After all, as far as I can tell, “porn addiction” is largely considered to be a male problem. Women either don’t watch porn, or are too ashamed to admit it and then be branded as sluts.

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There is also a valid argument to be made that the only women selected for studio porn are unnaturally skinny, and the only men selected have unnaturally large penises. Some unreasonable standards are being sold, and if people buy into them, I can see how that would be damaging.

I applaud the companies that are starting to look for more realistic models, and to make the experience closer to those experiences that people are likely to have.

However, I enjoy my idealistic porn. It doesn’t make me less interested in my husband. It’s a fantasy, and that fantasy is not what I expect reality to be like. In real life, there are so many other things involved. There is touch, and there is a person’s breath on your skin. There is lust, or sometimes even love.

When I am alone without all those real physical cues to arouse me, I do need a bit more.

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I suppose the thing that is making me so nuts is hearing someone berate themselves for their porn addiction ruining their marriage, and struggling to see the validity of the argument.

By all means, comment if you can help me understand. Tell me why porn addiction is a real problem. Because I guess that as a person who watches porn, goes to swingers clubs, and is in a polyamourous marriage, I am just too open-minded to understand the issue here.

Sex is a basic biological instinct. It’s one of the few things that really drive us. Porn is one of the oldest forms of art for this reason, and I feel like an interest in both sex and porn is healthy and natural. I don’t think “porn addiction” is the real problem. I think if a person watches “too much” porn, it is because they are more adventurous than their partner, and not sexually satisfied by the relationship.

It seems to me that if you find yourself “addicted to porn,” then you’re probably with someone who has a lower sex drive or less interest in sexual variety than you. And if that is the case, then your only options or to continue to be sexually unsatisfied, or to find someone different.

Again, just my opinion. Comment if you think you can explain it to me differently.

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Munches

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My favorite munch that I ever went to was in Portland. We got together to make ginger bread houses. I had actually never made a ginger bread house before, and I really had fun with it. The person throwing the munch had arranged to buy kits for each of us and candy (which we reimbursed her for) and everyone brought snacks to make it kind of a pot luck.

It is still a really cool memory because I like to try new things, enjoy pleasant conversation with new people, and feel accomplished at the end of it all.

I have not ever made a ginger bread house since, but I am really glad to say that I was able to do it once in my life. And it was even with cool people!

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So my husband and I are going on vacation, and I was trying to think of somewhere to have a munch while on our trip. I looked at the Raccoon cafe (only two sad little raccoons) and all the bars and restaurants I like, but here’s the problem with that:

It’s loud in a restaurant, bar, or club.

I always felt like the point of a munch was to talk to people and get to know them. I thought it was to introduce friends, and make new friends.

It’s hard to do that in a loud and crowded environment.

Anyway, it made me think of how I would rather go hike to a temple and sit around in a circle chatting than go to a bar and scream over music.

What is your favorite place to hold a munch?

 

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I Am Not A Hooker

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Recently a very rude man named Fabian Riley sent me this message:

“Hello, i read your review on club Desire. I would like you to accompany my girlfriend (Korean) and I (American).”

That is an exact quote of the entire message.

So first: Do not slip in that your girlfriend is Korea when talking to a white girl who has lived in Korea.

Yes, we know your girlfriend is Korean. We know you talk shit about white women who are “too bitchy” and you love your submissive and obedient Korean. We get it.

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White guys mostly act like all Korean women are the same, too. You hear them say things like “They all look the same and they’re all quiet, so who cares which one you end up with.”

I lived in Korea for three years, and I never got over the total lack of respect that most white American men had for Korean women, and how openly they talked shit about white girls as well. The judgement, the rudeness, and the piggish attitudes sickened me.

Second, I like the presumption that I would have any desire at all to spend any time with some twerp who couldn’t even bother to compose a well-written message to me.

My first response was the obvious:

“I wrote a review of the club when I went with my husband. I am not a hooker.”

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Even when I worked as a professional dominatrix back in the day, I never had sex with clients. I hit them. That is what a dominatrix does.

So yes, I have been paid to hit people.

But no,  you can not pay me for sex.

Naturally he then said that he actually expected me to want to go to the club with him and his (Korean) girlfriend just because I am a magically delicious super slut.

I have said this before and I will say it again:

I am a slut. I am actually an amazing and magically delicious slut. But I am not YOUR slut. I don’t owe YOU sex just because I like sex. I chose who I have sex with, and it is absolutely only people who treat me with respect.

It is insane to think that you could send a disrespectful message about how you expect me to want to go to a sex club with you (American) and your (Korean) girlfriend as though I should somehow feel honored that you would ask.

No.

I choose who I fuck, and I only fuck people who respect me. When I do, I assure you that it is mind-blowing and earth-shattering and you will never forget it. I am that good.
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But only with people that I choose!

I am so sick on men acting like I owe them my attention. I don’t owe you anything at all. I write this blog about all the sex and fun that I have, but that doesn’t mean I owe YOU sex or fun. You haven’t earned it. YOU are just some guy who can’t see how sexist, racist, and shitty you actually are.

When I declined and said there was no reason for me to want to go, he actually told me “Oh yes, I forget some people are not as much of a free spirit as me.”

Yup.

He actually said that.

To me.

I swear, some people are so worthless that you just have to write a blog about it, aren’t they? Way to go Fabian (what a douchy name.) You are totally one of those people worthless enough to deserve a written and public smackdown.

Ladies beware if he messages YOU next!

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Halloween Count Down

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I know that not all kinky people are into the Goth look, or into Gothic things.

I understand.

Lots of people in the community are regular folks who just like to get freaky in bed.

And that’s fine!

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However, I am an old-school Victorian Goth from the 90’s, and I love all things dark and creepy.

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Halloween is my very favorite holiday, and every year waiting for it is like a child’s count down to Christmas.

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I love going to a pumpkin patch and picking out the perfect pumpkin to carve! I love going to haunted houses! I love buying up half of the Spirit Halloween store in my neighborhood! I love dressing up in silly costumes and handing out candy to the kids! I love throwing spooky Halloween parties with ridiculous food and dry ice in the punch!

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This post goes out to all of you who love Halloween just a little bit too much:

Happy Halloween! I hope it’s a wonderful day for all of you.

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