Until recently, porn addiction was not a topic that I had ever thought about. However, as I have mentioned before, someone I love is going through a divorce. As the party who is listening and trying to be there, I am shocked to see the inside of the relationship as described to me.
Apparently it’s wrong to watch porn according to some people. And, if you watch it, you will become deviant in your sexual interests.
That is (I am told) bad.
As I understand, the person in question was expected to never watch porn or get any new ideas, and instead have the same boring sex for the rest of his life. Because being interested in reading about or watching sex acts in order to expand your pallet is “cheating,” and also “gross.”
So it made me wonder: Why is the term “porn addiction” a thing?
I look back through history on dildos from Egypt and wood carvings of sex acts from the Middle Ages in Europe, and what I see is a society that had always had pornography and sex toys.
These things seem to have been part of life for as long as humans have had the written word and the ability to make pictures.
(And by the way, if you Google “naughty woodcuts” you’ll see that none of us in the kink community have shit on the generations of the past. They got off to wood cuts of a cat with a penis surgically stitched to its face, and a woman trying to feed said cat a fish. Don’t ever tell me that society has gotten more kinky, because if you ask me, we have toned it down.)
Humans only have a few really basic urges. Food, Water, and Sex.
So if that is the case, then how can being interested in sex be a mental illness (i.e. “porn addiction”)? Doesn’t it stand to reason that if you are not interested in sex, that is the more unnatural position?
I feel like their needs to be a speech here about puritan values and women being taught to hate sex and feel shame about it, but I have said all of that so many times that I can hardly stand to think about it anymore.
Slut shaming is wrong.
No really, it is.
If you don’t know why slut-shaming is wrong, please click the links above before we continue.
Anyway, yes. I think slut shaming is part of the problem here. After all, as far as I can tell, “porn addiction” is largely considered to be a male problem. Women either don’t watch porn, or are too ashamed to admit it and then be branded as sluts.
There is also a valid argument to be made that the only women selected for studio porn are unnaturally skinny, and the only men selected have unnaturally large penises. Some unreasonable standards are being sold, and if people buy into them, I can see how that would be damaging.
I applaud the companies that are starting to look for more realistic models, and to make the experience closer to those experiences that people are likely to have.
However, I enjoy my idealistic porn. It doesn’t make me less interested in my husband. It’s a fantasy, and that fantasy is not what I expect reality to be like. In real life, there are so many other things involved. There is touch, and there is a person’s breath on your skin. There is lust, or sometimes even love.
When I am alone without all those real physical cues to arouse me, I do need a bit more.
I suppose the thing that is making me so nuts is hearing someone berate themselves for their porn addiction ruining their marriage, and struggling to see the validity of the argument.
By all means, comment if you can help me understand. Tell me why porn addiction is a real problem. Because I guess that as a person who watches porn, goes to swingers clubs, and is in a polyamourous marriage, I am just too open-minded to understand the issue here.
Sex is a basic biological instinct. It’s one of the few things that really drive us. Porn is one of the oldest forms of art for this reason, and I feel like an interest in both sex and porn is healthy and natural. I don’t think “porn addiction” is the real problem. I think if a person watches “too much” porn, it is because they are more adventurous than their partner, and not sexually satisfied by the relationship.
It seems to me that if you find yourself “addicted to porn,” then you’re probably with someone who has a lower sex drive or less interest in sexual variety than you. And if that is the case, then your only options or to continue to be sexually unsatisfied, or to find someone different.
Again, just my opinion. Comment if you think you can explain it to me differently.