Overwhelmed

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I don’t usually get too personal, but I am just going to do a quick update.

While we were on vacation, my husband was hit by a car. This obviously ruined the vacation, but also has left us with a lot to deal with.

In addition, I am really busy with work and holiday cards (I send out about 100 holiday cards each year.)

So I think you might have to forgive me for being unable to find time to write. I know a lot of you check in every week for the new posts and I am sorry to do this, but my life has overwhelmed me and I need some time.

I’ll be back.

In the meantime, happy Kwanzaa, Merry Hanukkah, Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, or you know, good whatever-you-celebrate.

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Dating Online and the Community

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The subject of dating has come up a lot in my life lately. You all know by now about the person I love in Arizona who is going through a divorce. I have been struggling to help him find things to be happy about now that he has lost his home and family.

It’s not easy.

His idea for dating was to go back through old flames and see if any of them were still around. I guess that makes sense. When you are hurt, go for the familiar.

Of course when that didn’t go well, I suggested online dating.

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He tried valiantly to meet girls off several sites, but none were very interested in talking abut ideas, and instead wanted to talk about people and events. If you don’t get the joke there, look up Eleanor Roosevelt.

So thus far, he has met with limited success and this has made him decide to give up on dating for the time being. I tried in vein to change his mind, and tried to talk about the virtues of getting to know new and exciting people, and how wonderful falling in love is.

Then I logged into Fetlife and I remembered that he’s right.

Dating does suck.

My bad.

I was wrong.

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Let me tell you about the two new prizewinning jerks who sent me messaged while I was trying to sell the idea that dating is wonderful.

Jerk Number One:

This guy messaged me with “Wat up you down to fuk?”

Let that sentence (bad grammar and spelling and all) sink in to your brain, and then realize that this is not a person I knew. This is a random stranger. I guess he’s new to the area (that’s literally all his profile said) and he doesn’t realize that it’s a small pond, and you can’t afford to be an asshat to even one person.

I tried to be polite, and respond by saying that he would benefit from having a profile picture and some information about himself. I went on to suggest that he should maybe treat women like people and start with “Hello.”

(No really, you can treat women like people. They even actually are people. I know that is hard for some folks to grasp, but it’s true!)

Naturally, Jerk Number One wrote back:

“Ur ugy anyway u fat cunt.”

So that’s one more swing and miss for me trying to civilize the masses one guy at a time. I honestly don’t know why I try. I should just ignore them like most girls do.

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P.S. It’s hilarious how some guys whine “I message girls all the time and they never respond.” See? That’s how you know they are a jerk. They send nasty messages all the time and women ignore them because most women don’t respond to abusive dickwads. If they were nice guys, women would respond. That’s how that works. 

Jerk Number Two:

This guy actually started out perfectly nice, and said he’d like to play scenes with me.

Normally, anyone who will talk to me nicely gets coffee at least. However, I noted that he was 65.

Now, I was molested as a child, so I have a thing about not dating older guys (and this one is ten years older than my father!) I am just not okay with it. If there are girls out there looking for a “daddy to spoil them” then more power to them! You do you. But I personally don’t do older guys.

I very nicely said that I am on the younger side of the 30’s (as indicted by my profile) and that I am uncomfortable dating older men. I offered to get coffee anyway, saying I am always happy to meet new people.

So what does this guy do? He writes back telling me that we’re all the same on the inside and that age doesn’t matter. Apparently it’s all a state of mind and I am a judgmental bitch.

Now, I doubt that he would have responded kindly to a 90-year-old woman hitting on him. So, I would submit that he is likely judgmental and prejudice about age himself; but only when the woman is the older party.

So that reminded me how much I hate dating, and how sometimes creepers hang out on fetlife.com these days just harass women. I hate that. I like to think of the kink community as a bunch of really nice people who all want to at least be friends. I like to think of us as inclusive and connected as a group by common weirdness.

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And yet, so often lately it seems like real world interactions ruin my hopeful views.

What happened?

I have been part of the kink community for 20 years and I never had to deal with the type of assholes that are around these days. Is this just how men are now? Have they all become total losers?

I mean, I never used to get harassed this much. I used to meet nice people through fetlife.com. Hell, I met my husband (who is my very favorite Pet) through fetlife.com! I feel like nearly every message I used to get resulted in a friendship, and I still think fondly of all those amazing people I used to meet around munches and fetlife and fetish proms.

And yet, lately it’s nothing but penis pictures and guys saying “Wut up slut.”

It’s like the quality of available males has diminished in the last decade to the point that there simply are not any more worth talking to. I haven’t met anyone worth my time in ages, and that is disappointing.

So maybe the person I love in Arizona is right. Maybe it’s time to give up on dating for awhile. At least I will always have my beloved Pet, so that is something!

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Club Yesica in Seoul

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I have written before about a sex club I attended in the Gangnam district of Seoul named Club Desire. Club Desire was my first experience with a South Korean Sex Club, and I am glad that I got the chance to see Club Yesica this time around during my brief escape from Guam.

The first time I went to Club Desire I was acting off directions I found on the Internet, and the person I spoke to had a very limited understanding of English so it was all a bit terrifying. A young girl wandering down dark alleys based on Internet directions has all the potential to go wrong, doesn’t she?

In contrast, going to Club Yesica was very easy. I simply called the number, which is +82-010-2831-9588, and a very kind man in charge of foreign guest relations was able to give me directions to a local landmark, and then come meet me in person to walk me into the club. It was far more like meeting a friend than it was like going to a sex club because of the kind welcome.

Koreans, or foreign people in possession of a Korean ID number, can go to the Korean page of the website and make a reservation. The rest of us need to call the number to make a reservation, but can visit the English version of the website for a menu. Selection and price are very similar to Club Desire. In other words, expect to spend $200 on a small bottle of whiskey because that’s your price of admission per couple. If you’re an exhibitionist like me, it’s worth the steep price.

Now I want to clear a few things up because I always get questions:

First, don’t be that guy who messages me to ask “Can I go there by myself?” There are a lot of things you can be in the world which are varying degrees of pathetic. A sex club owner might be too nice to tell you this, but I am not: Being a single guy at a sex club is the height of pathetic. You are not going to get laid because everyone else came as a couple, and no one’s fetish is letting the creepy weirdo at the bar fuck their girlfriend. So what you end up being is a sad and alone voyeur who makes everyone else uncomfortable and that is not a cool thing to be. Just don’t do it.

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Yes, I am telling you that if you are a guy you need to bring a date. They have hookup clubs in Korea, and if you need to meet a girl you should go to one of them. But take a girl with you to the sex club or don’t go at all, okay?

Second, Korean sex clubs are not like US sex clubs. If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I have reviewed several US sex clubs, including The Velvet Rope and Club Sesso. These clubs are designed to have lots of dark corners and small spaces for people to sneak off to, and are more like a playground for adults to have sex in.

However, from my experince with Korean sex clubs I should warn you that they are very different. It’s just some lockers by the door (for your phone because obviously you can’t take pictures,) a bar area, and then an open room full of love seats. That’s basically it besides the bathroom.

Sex clubs in Korea also seem to be a group experience in a collective culture, so be prepared to wait and drink and smoke while everyone arrives and gets comfortable in one big room. If you wait until around 1:00am, they will all start having sex on their individual love seats, and you and your partner can do the same.

If you have sex before then, in my experience, you won’t start a trend. I am not sure why. But the last time I was at Club Desire with a partner and we had sex before it was “sexy time,” everyone just ignored us and carried on smoking and drinking.

Oh, and while my husband likes to pretend he doesn’t know the rules at Club Desire, remember that you can’t get away with that at Club Yesica. They are able to tell you the rules in English, so you have no excuse. Don’t approach couples and ask to switch partners. Use the bar tender as an intermediary. And make sure you get a towel and lay it down before you have sex so you don’t make a mess on your love seat. Try to follow the rules and be polite and respectful. According to folks at the club, Yesica knows the owner of Club Desire and the swingers scene in Korea is small. If you do anything to offend, you could find yourself kicked out of the entire scene, rather than just one club.

I have to confess that this last trip to Korea was sort of a mess because my husband got hit by a car in Seoul. I actually attended Club Yesica with a friend because my husband was too injured to make it. It was a really stressful vacation, and none of it went as planned. So, by the time I got to Club Yesica I was far too tired to stay as late as I would have needed to stay in order to have sex there. I wanted to, but I was just falling asleep on my feet by midnight.

I did get the chance to see a lot of great costumes (they were having a costume party the night I attended) and one very memorable dance by Batman. I got to check out the club, and see that it gets very busy (I was there on Friday night and they were full!) I even had a chance to talk very briefly with the owner, Yesica, who was very kind and welcoming.

I regret missing “the good part” of the night, but as I said, sometimes things just don’t go according to plan. Maybe next time I am in Korea I will be able to go back with my husband (who is expected to recover from being hit by the car.)

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