Setting Up A Scene


One of the most common questions I get is how to set up a scene. I have written about this before, but it never hurts to go over something again. (Please click the links to see more information.)

Note: For me, I find that the atmosphere is the biggest thing that can improve/ruin a scene. I take special care to set up an atmosphere that is conducive to play, and I recommend that you do this, too. With the right music, you can hit a submissive longer and harder. With the right toys laid out, you can quickly switch from one punishment to another.

In other words: A little work in advance can make everything better later.


First: You should have already done scene negotiation with the person that you are setting up the scene for. That is an important step, and you should never play a scene with someone until you have talked about limits and STDs and all of that.

Second: You should have already made a playlist of kinky music to have sex to. Music is important because it helps you get into the right headspace.

Third: If you have your scene negotiation done and a good playlist ready to go, then it’s time to figure out what you plan to do. If you’re using a trap-on or a dildo, you might consider rubbing it down with some coconut oil before hand (so you don’t have to struggle with lube while you are in the middle of something.)

I like to lay out all my whips and paddles so that I can see all my options at a glance. It’s also nice so that my sub can see them before I blind fold them. (Keeps the imagination going.) If you are doing anything with rope, laying it out in advance is really important. You will bore the crap out of you sub if they have to wait for you to untangle or uncoil ropes.

Anyway, once you have your toys laid out and prepped, you’re ready to play!

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Since it has come up before:

Remember that at the beginning of the scene, you should move slowly. Things like impact play are better with a slow build up. My favorite toy is a flogger, and I find that it’s always best to hit softly at first, and increase intensity over time.

Setting up a scene in advance, and then building up your scene slowly, are the keys to making it more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Also, remember if things get stale that there are lots of fetishes out there, and you can always renegotiate and try something new if you need to!

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