Period Sex

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To start: 50 Shades of Grey is a terrible series of books that portrays BDSM as abuse.

I am pretty upset about literally all the things that have been stirred up by these books/movies, and I have written about this before. No one should read those books, no one should watch the movies, and no one should judge my subculture based on those lies.

Kink is awesome.

But remember: 50 Shades of Grey is not kink.

It’s abuse.

If you want to get some handcuffs and try it, you should. But don’t act like all women should submit to physical and mental abuse, and like all men should be rich and buy you everything you want.

That’s just not the case.

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As much as 50 Shades is just horrible, the series did bring up a few things here and there that are worth talking about.

One of those things is period sex.

If you ask guys who have read the books what the most disgusting part is, most of them will skip right over the objectification of men as wallets with a penis, and skip right over the abuse of women that the series portrays.

Instead, they will say that the period sex is the most disgusting part.

I have two things that I really want to say about that.

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First: Women have to deal with periods. A lot of the time that really sucks. Periods come with bloating, pain, cramps, diarrhea, and embarrassment forced upon women by society. Science hasn’t really bothered to look into how to lessen the symptoms (since most scientists are men.)

Unless you have periods, you really can’t understand how horrible they are.

Society often shames women for having periods. You see it all over culture; where TV, movies, and magazines say it’s gross. Men on TV or movies often say they won’t have sex with a woman who is bleeding, and act as if the very idea is revolting.

Even the bible makes it out to be some shameful, dirty thing that is “unclean.”

Let me point out that it’s not pleasant to have a period, and it’s just adding insult to injury for people to act like the very act of being female and having a normal body that does normal things is somehow wrong and shameful.

I have had enough.

This is for all the men (and some women) who participate in the culture of associating periods and period sex with shame and disgust: Y’all need to grow up.

If your girlfriend/wife/lover is willing to have sex with you on her period (and she may not be because of the pain and diarrhea and stuff) then you should absolutely do it and not complain. Women put up with guys getting cum all over everything all month long. Many women think that cum is gross, but they don’t shame guys for cumming or tell them that they are foul and horrid for having normal biological functions.

Don’t act like a child about something that is normal, natural, and not a all shameful.

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Second, I am really tired of the whole “women are too emotional” thing.

Yes, sometimes estrogen surges can make women sad. That’s true.

However, testosterone makes men violent and irrational all month long.

Everyone has a right to have feelings, and to express those feelings. If you really care about the person that you are with, you will be willing to listen to them and help them through difficult emotions and situations.

So let’s try to act a little bit more rational and understand that equality is important. Don’t act like periods make women irrational, because they don’t. And definitely don’t act like periods are gross, because they are not. No one shames men for having biological functions. Let’s remember not to shame women, either.

Best Of Post

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Well, it’s time for those of us who use the Western Calendar to think about the new year. I suppose those who use the Lunar Calendar might be thinking ahead as well. Anyway, it’s the time of year when you see a lot of “Best Of” posts.

So, I decided to do the Best of the Magically Delicious Super Slut. That way, you can send a link to this post to your friends who aren’t already reading, and they will perhaps be impressed enough to come back.

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The most popular posts are always sex club reviews. You guys sure want to get out and fuck in front of people, don’t you? Unfortunately I have only lived in two countries, so most of my reviews are from those countries. There’s Club Desire and Club Yesica in South Korea, and then The Velvet Rope, The CSPC, and Club Sesso in the US. You should definitely let me know if you want to write a guest post about a sex club you have been to somewhere else. I would love to add to the collection.

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I put a lot of work into my Fetish Series. I’ll be honest; I am probably on an FBI watch list for Googling some of those things. However, it was a good series that covered a lot of ground, and I think it worked well to illustrate the point that there is a lot out there in terms of fetishes, and none of it is inherent bad.

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I have always been a huge supporter of women’s rights, and I am a huge fan of women standing up for themselves. So, you should definitely read about why Slut Shaming is Wrong. Lots of folks didn’t get the message and continued to send ignorant comments my way, so then I wrote Slut Shaming is Still Wrong. They are still some of my favorites.

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Of course I feel far too fondly about the post I wrote a few months after my wedding. It was a long-standing joke among my friends that no one would ever “catch me,” and that nothing on Earth could drag me to the alter. When I finally did get married, (only with the promise of an open relationship,) I was surprised to find that my friends were traditionalists in many ways, and expected me to conform to typical social conventions.

Of course there is a lot of educational stuff too, but I suppose you can find that on pretty much every kink blog these days, so it’s not really what makes me unique.

So now you have a Best Of post to show your friends, and if you missed any of those posts, maybe now you can take a second to check them out. Happy New Year!

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Overwhelmed

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I don’t usually get too personal, but I am just going to do a quick update.

While we were on vacation, my husband was hit by a car. This obviously ruined the vacation, but also has left us with a lot to deal with.

In addition, I am really busy with work and holiday cards (I send out about 100 holiday cards each year.)

So I think you might have to forgive me for being unable to find time to write. I know a lot of you check in every week for the new posts and I am sorry to do this, but my life has overwhelmed me and I need some time.

I’ll be back.

In the meantime, happy Kwanzaa, Merry Hanukkah, Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, or you know, good whatever-you-celebrate.

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Sex Worker Rights

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Recently I wrote a blog entitled “I am not a hooker” after this military douche expected me to show him around a sex club just because I wrote about it on my blog.

(And I wrote about it years ago, mind you.)

A friend of mine is a sex worker, and took offense at the term “hooker” being used in a negative context. I am always one to admit when I am wrong, so I promised to write a post to apologize for my mistake.

Yes, I was upset that yet another white American man felt entitled to my attention. I really find it completely unacceptable the way those type of men so often act like you owe them something because they think they’re so fucking special, (when actually you don’t owe them shit and no one does and they should all fuck off.)

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However, my disgust at the rudeness of the man in question (and his subsequent stalking of me which I had to put a stop to) are no excuse for my acting as though sex work is not a valid career choice. Women at places like the Bunny Ranch in Nevada are providing a wanted service, and they are making more money than I ever will by doing it.

Sex work should be legal and destigmatized, and I support the fight that all sex workers are in to be legalized as career professionals.

So I apologize to my friend, and to all the sex workers I may have offended. It’s true that I personally have never engaged in sex work, but I don’t disapprove of it. I didn’t appreciate the military douche acting entitled, and I did not mean to disparage sex workers in the process of teaching him a lesson in propriety.

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Porn Addiction

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Until recently, porn addiction was not a topic that I had ever thought about. However, as I have mentioned before, someone I love is going through a divorce. As the party who is listening and trying to be there, I am shocked to see the inside of the relationship as described to me.

Apparently it’s wrong to watch porn according to some people. And, if you watch it, you will become deviant in your sexual interests.

That is (I am told) bad.

As I understand, the person in question was expected to never watch porn or get any new ideas, and instead have the same boring sex for the rest of his life. Because being interested in reading about or watching sex acts in order to expand your pallet is “cheating,” and also “gross.”

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So it made me wonder: Why is the term “porn addiction” a thing?

I look back through history on dildos from Egypt and wood carvings of sex acts from the Middle Ages in Europe, and what I see is a society that had always had pornography and sex toys.

These things seem to have been part of life for as long as humans have had the written word and the ability to make pictures.

(And by the way, if you Google “naughty woodcuts” you’ll see that none of us in the kink community have shit on the generations of the past. They got off to wood cuts of a cat with a penis surgically stitched to its face, and a woman trying to feed said cat a fish. Don’t ever tell me that society has gotten more kinky, because if you ask me, we have toned it down.)

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Humans only have a few really basic urges. Food, Water, and Sex.

So if that is the case, then how can being interested in sex be a mental illness (i.e. “porn addiction”)? Doesn’t it stand to reason that if you are not interested in sex, that is the more unnatural position?

I feel like their needs to be a speech here about puritan values and women being taught to hate sex and feel shame about it, but I have said all of that so many times that I can hardly stand to think about it anymore.

Slut shaming is wrong.

No really, it is.

If you don’t know why slut-shaming is wrong, please click the links above before we continue.

Anyway, yes. I think slut shaming is part of the problem here. After all, as far as I can tell, “porn addiction” is largely considered to be a male problem. Women either don’t watch porn, or are too ashamed to admit it and then be branded as sluts.

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There is also a valid argument to be made that the only women selected for studio porn are unnaturally skinny, and the only men selected have unnaturally large penises. Some unreasonable standards are being sold, and if people buy into them, I can see how that would be damaging.

I applaud the companies that are starting to look for more realistic models, and to make the experience closer to those experiences that people are likely to have.

However, I enjoy my idealistic porn. It doesn’t make me less interested in my husband. It’s a fantasy, and that fantasy is not what I expect reality to be like. In real life, there are so many other things involved. There is touch, and there is a person’s breath on your skin. There is lust, or sometimes even love.

When I am alone without all those real physical cues to arouse me, I do need a bit more.

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I suppose the thing that is making me so nuts is hearing someone berate themselves for their porn addiction ruining their marriage, and struggling to see the validity of the argument.

By all means, comment if you can help me understand. Tell me why porn addiction is a real problem. Because I guess that as a person who watches porn, goes to swingers clubs, and is in a polyamourous marriage, I am just too open-minded to understand the issue here.

Sex is a basic biological instinct. It’s one of the few things that really drive us. Porn is one of the oldest forms of art for this reason, and I feel like an interest in both sex and porn is healthy and natural. I don’t think “porn addiction” is the real problem. I think if a person watches “too much” porn, it is because they are more adventurous than their partner, and not sexually satisfied by the relationship.

It seems to me that if you find yourself “addicted to porn,” then you’re probably with someone who has a lower sex drive or less interest in sexual variety than you. And if that is the case, then your only options or to continue to be sexually unsatisfied, or to find someone different.

Again, just my opinion. Comment if you think you can explain it to me differently.

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Munches

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My favorite munch that I ever went to was in Portland. We got together to make ginger bread houses. I had actually never made a ginger bread house before, and I really had fun with it. The person throwing the munch had arranged to buy kits for each of us and candy (which we reimbursed her for) and everyone brought snacks to make it kind of a pot luck.

It is still a really cool memory because I like to try new things, enjoy pleasant conversation with new people, and feel accomplished at the end of it all.

I have not ever made a ginger bread house since, but I am really glad to say that I was able to do it once in my life. And it was even with cool people!

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So my husband and I are going on vacation, and I was trying to think of somewhere to have a munch while on our trip. I looked at the Raccoon cafe (only two sad little raccoons) and all the bars and restaurants I like, but here’s the problem with that:

It’s loud in a restaurant, bar, or club.

I always felt like the point of a munch was to talk to people and get to know them. I thought it was to introduce friends, and make new friends.

It’s hard to do that in a loud and crowded environment.

Anyway, it made me think of how I would rather go hike to a temple and sit around in a circle chatting than go to a bar and scream over music.

What is your favorite place to hold a munch?

 

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Halloween Count Down

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I know that not all kinky people are into the Goth look, or into Gothic things.

I understand.

Lots of people in the community are regular folks who just like to get freaky in bed.

And that’s fine!

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However, I am an old-school Victorian Goth from the 90’s, and I love all things dark and creepy.

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Halloween is my very favorite holiday, and every year waiting for it is like a child’s count down to Christmas.

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I love going to a pumpkin patch and picking out the perfect pumpkin to carve! I love going to haunted houses! I love buying up half of the Spirit Halloween store in my neighborhood! I love dressing up in silly costumes and handing out candy to the kids! I love throwing spooky Halloween parties with ridiculous food and dry ice in the punch!

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This post goes out to all of you who love Halloween just a little bit too much:

Happy Halloween! I hope it’s a wonderful day for all of you.

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