Role Play

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There is something really sexy about the idea of having sex with someone that you don’t know. The anonymous aspect is just so exciting because it’s irresponsible, dangerous, and stupid.

However, something I learned ages ago with one of my favorite exes is that with a little imagination, you can absolutely have sex with strangers without actually doing it

I used to ask him about the kind of girls that he always wanted to fuck, but would never date. As a geek, he couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who didn’t read and have an avid interest in science. However, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t into the idea of fucking the kind of girl who –How shall I put this?–  Um, the kind of girl who watches TV shows about celebrities and follows girls who do makeup tutorials on YouTube.

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So I got a blonde wig because stereotypes, and some slutty preppy clothes. I bought some makeup that was in those nude shades real girls wear (rather than my signature purple.) And, I did a glance over some really inane topics of conversation.

Meanwhile, he asked me what kind of guy I wanted to fuck but would never date. That’s actually hard for me because I just go for people who interest me and it doesn’t matter what they are like. I’m one of those annoying people who thinks everyone has redeeming qualities. But, since I got to order up a little variety, I asked for a cowboy. Yes, I insisted on the hat, the boots, and that southern drawl (which I actually think is really sexy under some circumstances because of this court jester from the Renaissance Festival this one time…)

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Anyway, we agreed to “meet” at a bar. Then we got dressed separately (me at a friend’s house.) When I got there, I pulled up a stool at the bar and ordered a drink. A girl down the bar started a conversation with me, and I had to think my character out more than I thought I would have to all of a sudden. Turns out her name was Candy and she was from a small town in Ohio. She came to Phoenix to go to cosmetology school so she could be a hairdresser.

Just when I was running out of information on Candy, a cowboy sidled up to the bar and ordered a whiskey, straight up. He was perfect. My T-shirt wearing geek had transformed into a guy wearing a clothes that actually let you see his abs! He tipped his hat to me and said “Hey there, little lady. Can I buy you a drink?” Of course I ordered the most absurd drink in the bar, filled with enough sugar to kill a horse. (That is what Candy would do, after all.)

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We had a few drinks, and then “Clive” suggested in a perfectly charming way that we go and get ourselves a room for the night. By the time we got back to the room, we were both tipsy and really getting into our characters. And when we had sex, it was just like fucking someone else.

I tell you this because I have a lot of people write to me and say that the passion has gone out of their relationships. They ask what they can do to bring it back. I have lots of suggestions, and have given quite a few in the past. However, this is one of my favorite ways to have a really good night with the person you love. Ironically, it is by pretending to be with someone else. But hey; if it works, it works; you know?

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Orientation Series: Sexual

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So far in the orientation series, we have talked about kink/vanilla, gender identity, and poly/monogamous people. The last pizza of the puzzle is a person’s sexual orientation.

Here is some of the things considered to be sexual orientations:

Straight: Attracted to the opposite sex.

Gay: Attracted to the same sex.

Bisexual: Attracted to men and women.

Pansexual: Attracted to everything.

Asexual: Not really attracted enough to anything to want to have sex.

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Now, these are narrow boxes created by narrow people. That means they don’t cover all the shades of sexual orientation that there are. For example, my husband is Heteroflexible. This means that he is mostly attracted to women, but he is also kind of just down to fuck. If there was a line of people of various genders, he would go for the female ones. But, if there is not a willing woman about or if the mood strikes, well then, whatever.

The most important thing to remember about orientation is to not let people force you into a box. People are fluid and adaptable, and they do not belong in boxes. If you are a lesbian who is mostly into girls, but you think you might want to have sex with a boy, then don’t let your lesbian girlfriends dissuade you! Try it. Maybe you’ll like it.

My sexual orientation out of gate was straight. This is because before puberty I still considered myself a boy, rather than what I am now (a boy living in a girl’s body.) And before puberty, I only had eyes for women. There was this girl named Samantha that I can remember wanting to kiss so bad that I thought the whole world must be able to hear my thoughts creaming out of me. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair and touch all of her skin and breathe in her smell. She was tall, blonde, and extremely pretty. I wanted her more than I ever wanted anything.

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I never got Samantha to give me the time of day, but I did find my very own pretty blonde when I was twelve. Her name was Summer, and she actually looked a lot like Samantha. We messed around every time she slept over.

Back then, I never looked at boys. I saw them as friends, but not as anything to be interested in. Girls at school talked about this or that famous boy being hot, and I was unable to think of anything to say. My celebrity Crush was Cindy Crawford. Then later, Angelina Jolie.

I went though puberty the summer before High School (which is really late, and I like to think my sheer determination to be a boy is what delayed it a few years). I started to unwillingly take on some female traits, because as I have said, form sometimes dictates behavior. You might be a boy inside, but you become at least partly female once you start getting periods and realize the enormous burden that your body is dictating that you must carry.

Periods. Birth Control. Pregnancy. Menopause. Holey shit.

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In High School I experimented with dating boys. It didn’t really fit. But then, sex with girls hadn’t exactly fit either (since I couldn’t have sex with them the way I instinctively thought that I should.)

However, I can’t remember being attracted to a boy until college. His name is not important. We called him “Pretty.” He was annoying as hell, but he was so delightfully feminine. He didn’t grow hair on his face because he was Native American. He had soft angles and curves. He wore his hair long. And, he was a moody little bitch. I was in love at first sight. Somehow his feminine qualities made it make sense.

After awhile, I started to genuinely appreciate men. I mean, I still don’t check them out in the streets. I never got that far. And I do still turn my head every time for a pretty woman. BUT, there is something about sex with men that is easy and fun. Their bits fit bits fit with my bits, and if I don’t think about it too much, I can just be in my body instead of in my head.

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However, I have found myself attracted to all sorts of people. Sometimes it’s pheromones (like the court jester I ran away with this one time.)  Sometimes it’s an intellectual attraction, like my rocket scientist. And sometimes it’s just convenient and easy and who cares cuz sex is fun?

I mean, sometimes I think people overthink it too much because it’s just sex. I have had sex with most of my friends, and it’s just one of those things were you think “I wonder what it would be like?” And, if it’s bad, of well. We move on because I am a goddamn adult and I can do that. Sometimes it’s good, and it becomes a thing we just do whenever we are in the same place and it’s not a big deal.

However, I respect that some people really just NEED to be in a box. Those people tend to pick a label, ignore all feelings to the contrary, and try to stick with their entire lives. And hey, that’s cool. If you want to be in a box then you should be. However, I notice that these people can sometimes be really judgmental about people like me. So for those of you who really love to cling to your label and only be one thing: I am totally cool with that. But, you know, leave me alone about what I am into. Because, like, it’s just everything.

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I Am Not Sneaky

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Recently I made a new friend who I liked enough to have over at my house. However, I didn’t want her husband and my husband to sit there feeling weird while we talked, so I invited some of my other friends to make it more of a party, and less of a high-pressure situation.

This new friend of mine is vanilla, but she knew that my husband and I are kinky, and that we have other kinky friends. (That will be important in just a second.)

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So she came to the party and hung out. After a few drinks she asked me to go for a walk with her, and I agreed. And that’s when she dropped this little bomb on me. She said:

“I was worried it was going to be some kind of orgy because you are kinky. My husband and I didn’t know what we might be walking into.”

Now, I know you kinky people probably felt offended when you read that. I admit, I was a little taken aback myself.

However after some thought, I decided that I can see why a vanilla person might think that. I mean, these are people who hook up with strangers without trading STD tests, doing a scene negotiation, or any other preliminaries. They just haul off and have sex with people they don’t know without even talking about it beforehand. Vanilla folks really are just down with surprises. When you come from a group where things are surprises or not discussed, I guess I can see how you might think that other groups would be like that too.

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Those of us in the kink community are decidedly the opposite.

I mean, I have been in the kink community for 21 years, and no one has ever invited me to a surprise sex party. Everyone has always made it clear exactly what will be going on before the party starts.

I have never been to a play party where I was not told in advance what kind of play was okay/not allowed. I never been to a swinger’s party where the rules where not made VERY clear prior to showing up. I have never been to a dungeon where the orientation wasn’t a rule-heavy disclosure with a 5-page waiver to sign at the end.

We kink people really love our paperwork, discussion, and negotiations. We are not into surprises.

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When you think about it, it makes sense. If you are dating someone who has toys like a 15 inch dildo and a single-tail leather whip, you know damn well that you want to make your limits known up front before anything with ropes or handcuffs gets going.

Upon reflection, I realize that the kink community taught me to dislike surprise. When I was a kid I was fine with it. However, years of scene negotiations and consent forms later, I have become more open-minded and less inhibited than before, but also really not into surprises.

And you know what? I am cool with that. I will take the way I am over a vanilla person any day. No offense you lovely vanilla folks. You’re good people. But I will always be way more cautious and into full disclosure up front than a vanilla person will ever be.

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Lelo

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I want to thank the company Lelo for making sex toys for women.

I saw an add recently for the ORA 2, and I was absolutely thrilled that they actually made a sex toy which focuses on the tip of the clitoris (which is the part you want to stimulate to get a woman off.)

Most sex toys “for women” are dildos. And since women don’t really cum from penetration, this is pointless. It’s just another misconception about what men think women want, instead of what women actually want.

So Lelo is a breath of fresh air.

This one is meant to mimic a tongue, which I think is perfect.

Men get sex robots with “realistic hair” and the whole nine yards, but for women, it’s amazing to even get a sex toy that focuses on things that actually get us off.

I hope to get to try one out (of course they don’t ship things with batteries to Guam, but I am taking a trip to the US over the summer, so we’ll see…)

I’ll review it and let you ladies know if it actually feels like a tongue.

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Little Whore

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I met a girl recently who is open about her sexuality and fun, which is not something I get to experience often on Guam. We stayed up all night talking and had a great time. In the morning, I was thinking about something she said, and I sort of laughed about it. She said:

“I’m a little whore so I get tested all the time. I’m super-paranoid.”

So first of all, you should all get tested before every new partner because being responsible is cool. I like that my new friend feels that way.

However, what I want to talk about is my amusement over what might make someone a “little whore.”

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See, she didn’t give a number, and neither did I.

Obviously I call myself a “Magically Delicious Super Slut” because I think that slut-shaming is wrong, and that women should be allowed to be proud of being slutty in the same way that men are.

However, I just think it’s funny that neither of us gave a number. It was like “I am cool with you being a slut, but I don’t want to find out that you think 30 people is a lot when I have slept with 200.”

It just made me giggle that even among sluts, we still fear slut-shaming because of the world that we live in.

So let’s remember: Don’t slut-shame. Women should be allowed to be proud of being slutty little whores, because that is what equality is really all about.

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Promoting Your Blog

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I have never actually promoted this blog.

I wouldn’t really know how to start, I guess. I have had a few guest posts over the years, and those have helped gather me a few loyal fans.

I have even done a few guest posts as well, because I am told that is an important thing to do in order to network in the blogging world.

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In addition, I have written about some popular places like Club Desire, and that has helped me gain a few followers as well. And there’s posts about awesome places like The Velvet Rope and the CSPC. That helps.

It’s been three years, and I still only get about 150 hits a day on the site. However, I consider that pretty good when I think about how I started out “screaming into the void” without a single follower.

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However, I do want to ask for advice. I don’t want to hire an SEO company or anything sketchy like that.

I am just curious how other people promote their blogs, or if you had any suggestions. I am hardly a professional blogger. I just do this in my free time. However, I know some of you that read are professional bloggers, and I thought you might have tips.

As always, you can get in touch with me via my email at ladyvioletemail@gmail.com

(Or you can leave a comment on this post, of course.)

Thanks for reading!

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One More Thailand Post

The Airport in Bangkok

The Airport in Bangkok

A while ago I wrote about looking for the kink scene in Thailand. Sadly, I didn’t find kink.

What I did find was all the things Bangkok is famous for. Yes, there are huge markets full of people selling fake college degrees and scorpions to eat. There are lady-boys and prostitutes and wives for sale. And, there are ping pong ball shows and various other strange diversions.

So one hot, sweaty night in Bangkok, I was on Khoa San Road. It’s a famous spot where tourists gather, and where there are a lot of bars and clubs. A tuk-tuk driver came up to me and showed me a menu. It only had a few things on it. There was “Fish in Pussy,” “Eel in Pussy,” “Smoking Pussy,” and a few others.

I should mention that when I came to Thailand, I had no plan for what I would do. I showed up with the idea that I would go where the day took me. Sometimes I followed tourists around. Sometimes I hung out with locals. But every day, I went wherever the day took me. When the tuk-tuk driver showed me the menu, I decided the day was taking me to see a sex club.

Before I continue I want you to know that I feel really bad for going to a sex club in Thailand. I used to work at a Thai restaurant in the USA with a mail order bride. And I read Night Market to learn more about the sex trade in Thailand. I feel awful supporting such a huge, terrible industry. I am a bad person for going to see a ping pong show, and I do know that. Okay; so now that that is cleared up, here’s what happened…

We got to the club and the tuk-tuk driver told me he would stay outside. I walked into the building he gestured to, and it looked a little like a strip club. At the moment I walked in, there was a girl on stage with ping pong balls. An older lady came up and asked me what I wanted to see. I told her (from the menu) that I wanted to see an Eel show. I paid her 600 baht, which is about $20 US. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is. I was living very comfortably off of 100 baht a day for most of my time in Thailand.

The older lady took me to a private room and a woman came in with eels in her pussy. I mean; I didn’t know that. You couldn’t see them or anything. She was wearing a stripper-like outfit and she just pointed to the chair and told me to sit. Then she got on the bed, spread her legs, and pushed live eels out of her pussy.

You know, I was going to go into details about the eels… but it really ruined hentai for me and it was pretty tragic. The whole experience kind of made me sad. I felt really bad for the girls that worked there.

I guess the moral of this story is; don’t go to a brothel unless you can handle it. I am still feeling far to guilty about that night to describe it in too much detail. I’m not even sure the girl was 18. She looked really young. So… yeah. That’s the trouble I got into in Thailand.