Recently I read a book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. I’d been told that I should read it, and I have to admit that it was a good read.
The information in this book is laid out very well. I’ve been trying to explain these same things through various blog posts for ages, but the authors of this book put in more effort to explain the same ideas than I ever have.
For example: “A good slut is not measured by their amount of partners, but by the respect and care with which they treat each.”
Obviously I do sleep with a lot of people. But they are quality people. They are people I have exchanged STD tests with, or at the very least talked with extensively and gone through a scene negotiation with. They are people willing to use protection when we have sex, and who are interested in the same kinks as me.
Each partner should be chosen with care, because sex gets better the more you know someone. Make sure your partners are people that you can get to know, and that you want to get to know.
The book also covers a lot of information about poly relationships and how to make them work. I am often asked about this, and I have written several posts about it.
My favorite quote was about how a relationship with 3 people is way more complicated than a relationship with 2 people. After all, there is the relationship with A&B, the relationship with A&C, and the relationship with B&C. Plus the interaction is different with all three people together.
There is also a lot of good discussion in the book about boundaries, which are very important to negotiate and to respect. And also some helpful tips about managing jealousy.
I can’t say I agree with every single thing in the book, because kink and sluthood and the Poly lifestyle are different for every single person.
However, I would advocate that anyone who is new to the lifestyle read this book. I wish I had read it 10 years ago, because it would have been really helpful for me. Learning to manage all the feelings I had on my own was hard, and this book has very good discussions about that.
So if you haven’t read The Ethical Slut yet, definitely go out and buy it. It’s well worth the price, and it’s a great way to study the basics.