Best Of Post

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Well, it’s time for those of us who use the Western Calendar to think about the new year. I suppose those who use the Lunar Calendar might be thinking ahead as well. Anyway, it’s the time of year when you see a lot of “Best Of” posts.

So, I decided to do the Best of the Magically Delicious Super Slut. That way, you can send a link to this post to your friends who aren’t already reading, and they will perhaps be impressed enough to come back.

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The most popular posts are always sex club reviews. You guys sure want to get out and fuck in front of people, don’t you? Unfortunately I have only lived in two countries, so most of my reviews are from those countries. There’s Club Desire and Club Yesica in South Korea, and then The Velvet Rope, The CSPC, and Club Sesso in the US. You should definitely let me know if you want to write a guest post about a sex club you have been to somewhere else. I would love to add to the collection.

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I put a lot of work into my Fetish Series. I’ll be honest; I am probably on an FBI watch list for Googling some of those things. However, it was a good series that covered a lot of ground, and I think it worked well to illustrate the point that there is a lot out there in terms of fetishes, and none of it is inherent bad.

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I have always been a huge supporter of women’s rights, and I am a huge fan of women standing up for themselves. So, you should definitely read about why Slut Shaming is Wrong. Lots of folks didn’t get the message and continued to send ignorant comments my way, so then I wrote Slut Shaming is Still Wrong. They are still some of my favorites.

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Of course I feel far too fondly about the post I wrote a few months after my wedding. It was a long-standing joke among my friends that no one would ever “catch me,” and that nothing on Earth could drag me to the alter. When I finally did get married, (only with the promise of an open relationship,) I was surprised to find that my friends were traditionalists in many ways, and expected me to conform to typical social conventions.

Of course there is a lot of educational stuff too, but I suppose you can find that on pretty much every kink blog these days, so it’s not really what makes me unique.

So now you have a Best Of post to show your friends, and if you missed any of those posts, maybe now you can take a second to check them out. Happy New Year!

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Club Yesica in Seoul

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I have written before about a sex club I attended in the Gangnam district of Seoul named Club Desire. Club Desire was my first experience with a South Korean Sex Club, and I am glad that I got the chance to see Club Yesica this time around during my brief escape from Guam.

The first time I went to Club Desire I was acting off directions I found on the Internet, and the person I spoke to had a very limited understanding of English so it was all a bit terrifying. A young girl wandering down dark alleys based on Internet directions has all the potential to go wrong, doesn’t she?

In contrast, going to Club Yesica was very easy. I simply called the number, which is +82-010-2831-9588, and a very kind man in charge of foreign guest relations was able to give me directions to a local landmark, and then come meet me in person to walk me into the club. It was far more like meeting a friend than it was like going to a sex club because of the kind welcome.

Koreans, or foreign people in possession of a Korean ID number, can go to the Korean page of the website and make a reservation. The rest of us need to call the number to make a reservation, but can visit the English version of the website for a menu. Selection and price are very similar to Club Desire. In other words, expect to spend $200 on a small bottle of whiskey because that’s your price of admission per couple. If you’re an exhibitionist like me, it’s worth the steep price.

Now I want to clear a few things up because I always get questions:

First, don’t be that guy who messages me to ask “Can I go there by myself?” There are a lot of things you can be in the world which are varying degrees of pathetic. A sex club owner might be too nice to tell you this, but I am not: Being a single guy at a sex club is the height of pathetic. You are not going to get laid because everyone else came as a couple, and no one’s fetish is letting the creepy weirdo at the bar fuck their girlfriend. So what you end up being is a sad and alone voyeur who makes everyone else uncomfortable and that is not a cool thing to be. Just don’t do it.

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Yes, I am telling you that if you are a guy you need to bring a date. They have hookup clubs in Korea, and if you need to meet a girl you should go to one of them. But take a girl with you to the sex club or don’t go at all, okay?

Second, Korean sex clubs are not like US sex clubs. If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I have reviewed several US sex clubs, including The Velvet Rope and Club Sesso. These clubs are designed to have lots of dark corners and small spaces for people to sneak off to, and are more like a playground for adults to have sex in.

However, from my experince with Korean sex clubs I should warn you that they are very different. It’s just some lockers by the door (for your phone because obviously you can’t take pictures,) a bar area, and then an open room full of love seats. That’s basically it besides the bathroom.

Sex clubs in Korea also seem to be a group experience in a collective culture, so be prepared to wait and drink and smoke while everyone arrives and gets comfortable in one big room. If you wait until around 1:00am, they will all start having sex on their individual love seats, and you and your partner can do the same.

If you have sex before then, in my experience, you won’t start a trend. I am not sure why. But the last time I was at Club Desire with a partner and we had sex before it was “sexy time,” everyone just ignored us and carried on smoking and drinking.

Oh, and while my husband likes to pretend he doesn’t know the rules at Club Desire, remember that you can’t get away with that at Club Yesica. They are able to tell you the rules in English, so you have no excuse. Don’t approach couples and ask to switch partners. Use the bar tender as an intermediary. And make sure you get a towel and lay it down before you have sex so you don’t make a mess on your love seat. Try to follow the rules and be polite and respectful. According to folks at the club, Yesica knows the owner of Club Desire and the swingers scene in Korea is small. If you do anything to offend, you could find yourself kicked out of the entire scene, rather than just one club.

I have to confess that this last trip to Korea was sort of a mess because my husband got hit by a car in Seoul. I actually attended Club Yesica with a friend because my husband was too injured to make it. It was a really stressful vacation, and none of it went as planned. So, by the time I got to Club Yesica I was far too tired to stay as late as I would have needed to stay in order to have sex there. I wanted to, but I was just falling asleep on my feet by midnight.

I did get the chance to see a lot of great costumes (they were having a costume party the night I attended) and one very memorable dance by Batman. I got to check out the club, and see that it gets very busy (I was there on Friday night and they were full!) I even had a chance to talk very briefly with the owner, Yesica, who was very kind and welcoming.

I regret missing “the good part” of the night, but as I said, sometimes things just don’t go according to plan. Maybe next time I am in Korea I will be able to go back with my husband (who is expected to recover from being hit by the car.)

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Promoting Your Blog

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I have never actually promoted this blog.

I wouldn’t really know how to start, I guess. I have had a few guest posts over the years, and those have helped gather me a few loyal fans.

I have even done a few guest posts as well, because I am told that is an important thing to do in order to network in the blogging world.

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In addition, I have written about some popular places like Club Desire, and that has helped me gain a few followers as well. And there’s posts about awesome places like The Velvet Rope and the CSPC. That helps.

It’s been three years, and I still only get about 150 hits a day on the site. However, I consider that pretty good when I think about how I started out “screaming into the void” without a single follower.

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However, I do want to ask for advice. I don’t want to hire an SEO company or anything sketchy like that.

I am just curious how other people promote their blogs, or if you had any suggestions. I am hardly a professional blogger. I just do this in my free time. However, I know some of you that read are professional bloggers, and I thought you might have tips.

As always, you can get in touch with me via my email at ladyvioletemail@gmail.com

(Or you can leave a comment on this post, of course.)

Thanks for reading!

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Reaching Out

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My husband and I are planning a trip to South Korea in October as a vacation. We are always interested in meeting new and interesting people, so if you are going to be in South Korea in the last two weeks of October, let me know and we’ll plan to meet up.

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When we travel, we always try to go to kink places in that area, so if anyone is aware of a fetish club in Korea, let us know. We have been to Club Desire, and to hook up clubs, but a dungeon would be lovely.

Also, we will try to attend at least one munch while we are there.

Obviously we are going for vacation, so we’ll be hiking in Seoraksan and visiting Jeju Loveland and such, but it’s important to us to try and work a little kink into every vacation. So if you have ideas, let us know!

(As always, if you are planning a trip to Guam, let us know!)

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Generally Accepted Terms

I have lamented before that every community used different terminology for different things, and how this can be confusing if you travel a lot. Every scene has their own inside jokes. However, there definitely are some terms that are generally accepted in all scenes, and it’s important to get them right. People can’t make informed and consensual decisions if they are not properly informed of what is going to happen, after all. And we do always strive for safe, sane, and consensual fun.

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Munch: A munch is when a group of kinky folks get together in a vanilla setting. This often involves going somewhere that serves food, so the term “munch” refers to that. However, I have also attended munches at theme parks, disused prisons, and various other interesting locations.

Note: When you agree to go to a munch, you are expected to dress vanilla unless otherwise specified. It is mostly about getting a chance to meet people, and it is generally assumed that the discussion of kink will be saved for more private areas where no one can be overheard and “outed” by accident to a co-worker of family member.

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Workshop: This is when someone who has some sort of area of expertise chooses to teach the basics to others. This is generally in a private space, like a home or rented club. Dress as specified, because sometimes a group doesn’t want to attract attention, and will ask for vanilla dress. My favorite workshop that I have attended was at a public dungeon called the CSPC, and again, this was strictly for learning purposes. Play is not on the table for such events.

Note: When you agree to go to a workshop, you realize there will be frank discussions about kink-related things. A good presenter usually makes handouts, and sometimes brings another person to demonstrate a specific thing (for proper flogging techniques, I might bring my husband and demonstrate on him.)

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Play Party: For a play party, you can expect it to be at a private home because most are. Usually you will be invited to bring your own toys, and other people will bring theirs. It is okay to actually use the toys, and sometimes toys can be shared between consenting folks, so make sure to bring cleaning agents if you plan to bring toys and loan them out. Again, you may be asked to dress vanilla so as not to attract attention to the house of the host, or you may be invited to dress in kink attire. Always ask.

Note: When you agree to go to a play party, you are obviously consenting to seeing people naked. After all, a good flogging session doesn’t involve clothes. You will see other people playing. Note that you must always give a decent amount of space for a scene, so the Dom has room to swing things and not hit you. Remember that it is never okay to interrupt someone else scene or try to involve yourself if you were not invited, and it is never okay to touch someone else’s toys without permission.

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Orgy: These can be at swinger’s clubs like The Velvet Rope and Club Desire, or they can be at a private home. Generally it is expected that you will bring condoms (regardless of your gender) and that you will follow the same rules as a play party in terms of respecting someone’s space unless invited. Even at an orgy, rape is still not okay. Dress, again, depends on the host. Many people who host parties do not want their neighbors to know, so vanilla clothing is often expected.

Note: Going to an orgy does not mean you consent to sex. You can just go and watch. People are still expected to respect your personal space unless invited into it, and you should still negotiate all scenes before they take place. You are consenting to see people naked, but this does not mean you have to be naked. Remember to give everyone space and, as was the motto of Club Sesso, “Don’t be a creep.”

Remember: If you organize events, you need to use the correct terms. People need to know what they are consenting to in advance. You do not want to create an atmosphere where people feel uncomfortable, because this reflects poorly on the community as a whole, and no one should want to do that.

Guilt

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I am going to be ridiculous right now and I am sorry for that. But, I hate living on a tropical island in the middle of nowhere. I am thousands of miles from any good kink communities, and the dating scene here is a nightmare.

So, what have a been doing?

I work a lot. And I snorkel. And I miss things like Cupcake Fetish Parties, the CSPC, and Club Desire. I have been so many cool places and done so many cool kinky things. And now I am here.

I will make peace with this. But for now, I fear I have nothing to write about. I am stranded on an island with nothing much going on. I miss kink. I miss having things to write about here. But I guess this chapter of my life doesn’t get to include much of that, beyond what my husband and I do at home.

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Trying to date Vanilla Folks

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(Note: I should disclose that I am on some antibiotics that are making me feel pretty bad right now. So if I sound meaner than usual, I guess that’s why.) 

I’ve mentioned already how I am currently living on the island of Guam, and how there is a distinct lack of kinky folks here. So as a result, I’ve been talking to some vanilla people.

Now, I know that some vanilla folks are curious and might want to try kink stuff, so I don’t dismiss them out-of-hand. You never know what someone might want to try, and people can surprise you.

However, I do state on all my online dating profiles that I AM kinky, and that I am looking for a kinky partner. Ergo, it would seem to me that it’s obvious enough that I am not looking for someone who wants to have the kind of sex that will bore me. (And I know not all kinky folks are bored by vanilla sex, but without some sort of power dynamic, I can’t seem to get aroused.)

So I bring it up with the vanilla folks who flirt with me. I ask if there is anything they are curious about, or if they have any legitimate interest in kinky sex. And thus far, they have seemed not only disinterested, but frightened.

So I suggest looking up fetish lists or kink worksheets online. I suggest reading up on BDSM to see if they might have interests they are as of yet unaware of.

Thus far, my experience has been that vanilla people are judgmental of my lifestyle and afraid of what it might entail.

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In addition to being judgmental and frightened, a lot of them just kind of bum me out. Here are a few things I have actually had said to me by more than one person:

“Well, there’s about 10 guys to every woman on island, so it’s impossible to get laid here.”

(Let’s talk about how it is not my responsibility to “get you laid.” Your insecurity over not usually being the one guy out of ten that a girl will pick makes you sound unattractive to say the least.)

“I mean, she gave me a blowjob so I guess it was worth going out with her. But then she wanted me to go down on her and I was like NO.”

(You are literally telling me up front that you are a selfish lover and I will get no pleasure from sleeping with you.) 

“I dunno, I mean, I’ll try everything once; but I’m not really into all that weird stuff.”

(You are implying a judgement of my lifestyle while yet again making yourself sound awful in bed.)

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I can’t figure out how guys think that saying things like this to me will make me want them. First, if you’re a guy who expects blowjobs but won’t go down on a girl, then you suck. A lot. And no girl will want you. I don’t agree with all the things they say (because every girl is different and I don’t like what they like in bed) but I think Tammy and Nicole make a great point in their piece “How To Eat Pussy;”

“When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town.”

So look vanilla guys, bragging about how you don’t give head is just sad. I expect oral sex. And I expect a lot more on top of that.

What I imagine when a vanilla guy tells me that he doesn’t even go down on girls is sex like I had when I was 13. Awkward, devoid of orgasm (again people, as Mary Roach writes about in the non-fiction science book Bonk: MOST WOMEN CAN NOT HAVE VAGINAL ORGASMS,) and boring. I’m expecting that you will probably want to kiss a lot (not one of my favorite things), then maybe play with my nipples or something, and then have penetrative sex until YOU get off, while I lay there bored and unfulfilled.

So why would I want that?

Well the answer is that I don’t. I really, really don’t. I could have more fun staying home and watching Porn.

So please guys, if you are vanilla, don’t bother to write to me thinking that I’m going to save you from your sexless life on Guam and give you a pity fuck. I am a slut, but that doesn’t mean I am the slightest bit interested in bad sex. I call myself a slut because I LOVE sex. I enjoy it, and I seek it out often. I like sex clubs like The Velvet Rope, Club Desire, and Club Sesso. I like new and different ways of playing, like the toys invented by Doctor Xtreme.

If you want to impress me, then why don’t you learn a little about kink before you talk to me, and then list specific things you are interested in? As I have said, there are loads of lists online. I recommend the CEPE printable list because it’s comprehensive. But you can look through anything kink-related you like to get ideas.

The key thing to remember is that there is always a power dynamic in the background, and that is what makes kink so exciting. It’s as much in your head as it is outside of your head with whips and chains. And it’s fair to say that if you’re not into it at all, then you probably never will be.

So in spite of your apparent lack of options, I still recommend you find someone else. I know that sounds harsh and I’m sorry, but I’m not having sex with someone just because they’re desperate. I want to have sex I can enjoy too. And I’m not going to compromise my desires for you.

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