They’re Tied Up: What now?

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Pre-Scene Ritual

So first, there are pre-scene things you should do. I have written about them before. They are things like discussing scene ideas with your partner, making a welcoming setting with music and toys laid out, and attending to personal grooming such as cutting finger nails and filing off the rough edges. Particularly when bringing in a new person who wasn’t into kink, I recommend a BDSM checklist as part of your pre-scene preparations.

Over time, these pre-scene things often become a ritual which helps you to get into the right head space for kink. Getting into the right head space is really important, so focus on making your pre-scene ritual a time when you gear up for what you want to do.

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Restraints

For most submissives, some sort of restraint is required to get them into their head space. So, you’ll want to consider your options. You can always go quick and dirt and tie someone up with gear ties. They are great on a budget and they are really effective. I use them a lot, because even after 20 years in the scene, I am not trying to be fancy.

That’s just me. You do you. But there is sometimes beauty in simplicity.

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If you want to put more effort into the restraints part, you can buy cuffs and clips and go that route. There are lots of different kinds of restraints if you are willing to spend the money. Spreader bars can be used between cuffs, as well as chains. And you can always clip the cuffs directly to one another if you feel like making your sub into a pretzel for a little while.

You might go all out and make or buy furniture to attach cuffs to. Spanking benches, stocks, and St. Andrew’s Crosses can all be fun. Of course, furniture can also be extremely pricey and take up a lot of space. It’s hard to hide from children, too. Because of this, furniture isn’t for everyone.

If you can’t have furniture at home, remember to look up local dungeons online. You may find that there is somewhere within driving distance where you can try out a sex swing, cross, or spanking bench.

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If you want to be really, really fancy, you can learn shibari and make tying your sub up a prominent part of the scene. This works fine all on its own, or it can be done in conjunction with installing hard points around the house to suspend your sub from or to tie them to.

Remember that shirabi can be dangerous and you can really hurt people if you do it wrong, so learn from competent professionals online or at your local dungeon.

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Scene Ideas: Orgasms

Once your sub is restrained in the method of your choosing, you can move on to other things. If your sub is a girl, I highly recommend that you start with orgasms. People can withstand a lot more pain if they are in a state of arousal. Personally, I am not lucky enough to be one of those girls that can get off from vibration. We’re all different and that is just my cross to bear. And, since fingers are too rough, I require direct clitoral stimulation with a tongue.

Some of my favorite scenes where I was the submissive started with a few orgasms from some very devoted boys who had talented tongues. God bless all the fabulous boys and girls who love to eat pussy. You are the real heroes.

If your girl is lucky enough to get off from vibration, you have options! There are lots of vibrators on the market. However, just skip them all and get the magic wand. I have played with a lot of girls, and I know that it’s a matter of force. The magic wand has the most force behind it, and therefore it does the best job. I know some men get hung up on big vibrators (“It’s bigger than my dick and I don’t like that.”) But just get over it because her orgasms aren’t about you.

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Remember: Unlike men, women only need a minute or two in between orgasms. So you only need to take a brief pause instead of a 20 minute rest.

If your sub is a boy, you don’t want to let him have an orgasm. Men cum, and then they wilt. It’s really boring. That doesn’t mean you can’t tease him. You can! But if you let him have an orgasm, that will probably require a long pause in the scene or be the end of it.

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Scene Ideas: Impact Play

There are lots of different things that you can use for impact play. Be creative if need be! A wooden spoon from the kitchen is a totally valid toy for impact play, as are books in place of paddles. If you are on a budget or if you are traveling, you can use anything.

I have some homemade toys, which were gifts from people (because DIY BDSM can be fun.) For example, I have a ping pong paddle given to us by friends. They covered it with a plastic material with the word “Pet” cut out of it, because that is what I call my husband. They also gave us a homemade whip which is from a material that looks like faux alligator skin.

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I go for simple with restraints. I like gear ties. However, when it comes to impact play, I love my whips and floggers. I think for me, the look of the toys themselves is one of my fetishes. I love the way a flogger looks draped over a chair. I love the way it looks being slowly dragged across someone’s skin. I love the way it looks flying through the air. They are beautiful toys, and from the first time I saw my first flogger, I have been totally hooked.

Remember that with whips and floggers, a steady pace and a figure eight motion is best. Start slow and gradually build intensity over time. With paddles you can also build intensity, or you can go hard and take breaks in between.

The key is really to watch your sub. I had a girl who wanted me to straight-out beat on her for as long as I could with a flogger. The harder, the better. I hit her until my arms were sore and she begged for more. However, some subs are more into the suspense than the actual pain. For them, you want to pause a lot to let them absorb the fact that they are restrained and being hit, and let them enjoy it. It’s often more the idea than the pain, so keep that in mind.

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Scene Ideas: Pushing Your Sub

You also want to do things to push the limits of your submissive. This can mean face-fucking them until they cry. It can mean tightening the nipple clamps until they scream. It can mean working your way from inserting a finger to inserting your entire fist. Get a violet wand and electrocute them in various sensitive areas.

Your goal as a Dominant is to put your submissive into sub space. The restraints are a good start, and so are all the other toys and play. But in the end, you are probably going to need to push their limits in some way in order to really push them into the head space that they want to see.

Remember: You should never push them beyond the boundaries that you have agreed on in your scene negotiations. If they say “no fisting” then you don’t do it. 

However, within the boundaries that your sub has set, it is good to push them as much as you can so that they feel properly abused.

This can mean different things to different people, so you may want to Google and go through lists with your sub and talk about new and different ideas.

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Scene Ideas: Untie Your Sub

Of course the stereotype for BDSM is tying people up and hitting them. It’s what they write about in all the books. However, anything at all can be kinky if you do it in a kinky head space. You may untie your sub and tell them to serve you a glass of lemonade because you need a break. As long as they get the glass, pour the lemonade, and present it to you in the mindset of a sub, it’s still part of the scene. In fact, service-oriented subs often love the chance to make you a sandwich, pour you a drink, serve you your food, and then rub your feet while you eat.

Don’t be bound by the restraints. I know it’s easy to get that way if you learned about kink from popular culture. However, kink is a mindset. Anything at all can be kinky if you make it that way.

Order your sub to kneel for you so you can use them as a foot stool while you watch TV. Order them to rub your feet. Order them to do the helicopter with their penis if they are a boy, or to bounce their boobs for you if they are a girl. Whatever you can think of that would be degrading to them can be fun.

Some people prefer to call this “training,” (as in teaching your sub how to crawl around.) I think this has been built up a lot in books, but it’s not everyone’s fantasy. Personally, I find it to be cumbersome and not as interesting as watching a girl cum over and over or watching a boy squirm while I hit him. However, some subs read a lot of Anne Rice and really want to be “trained.” So, that is another “off leash” activity, if you will pardon the borrowing of a dog-training expression.

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Scene Ideas: Talk

Remember that falling into silence is often the mark of a lazy Dom. Most subs prefer you to talk to them. For example, if you are torturing them by stretching them wide open, maybe narrate as you do.

“Oh look, now I have three fingers in your tight little pussy. I bet you like that, you little slut. And now we’re up to four fingers. Do you like that? Oooo, now I have my whole fist inside of you. I bet you love being stretched open like the whore that you are.”

That kind of thing can help to  make a sub feel like they are being included in the scene. Sometimes a sub can disassociate and disengage (so it’s almost like everything is happening to someone else.) Talking to them keeps them with you in the scene, and forces them to confront the things that are happening to them. That can help push them into sub space more quickly.

Now of course, check with your sub about this. Not all of them like to be talked to. Some prefer to disengage from a scene and just let things happen to them. This is why BDSM is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing where you can use the same moves on everyone. Each person will have different preferences, and part of the fun of kink is learning the ways that new people want to be tortured.

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After Care

The most important part is After Care. Make sure that you cuddle your sub after each scene. Let them come down from the endorphins.

Once they are calm, it’s always a good idea to talk though the scene and see how they felt about various parts of it. If they felt really excited by the violet wand, but really turned off by the animal-tail butt plug, you want to know that for next time.

A lot of times I run into guys on fetlife.com or on dating websites who want to just play one scene or just have a one-night stand. This is antithetical to everything kink, in my opinion. A good kink relationship involves getting to know someone and learning to know them. A sub has to get to know me to know the right way to get me off. A have to know them to know the right way to hit them. It all takes time, and learning and negotiating is part of the fun.

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Fetish Series: Clothes

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I know a guy who has a pair of high heels under his bed. They’re not for him. He just hopes to find a girl who will wear them. It’s sort of like a Cinderella fetish, I guess (since shoe size is a thing.)

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Me? I am completely in love with leather and latex. I could watch people walk around all day in leather or latex clothes, because I think they are so amazingly sexy.

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My Pet adores anyone in Goth clothes. His theory is that anyone gains two points of attractiveness when they are dressed up as a Goth. So a 6 automatically becomes an 8.

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And there are a lot of fetishes about clothes! Not just kink fetishes either. Lots of vanilla people are really into specific clothes that turn them on.

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Here is a list of just a few of the many, many clothing fetishes out there:

-Hoods
-Masks
-Lingerie
-Leather
-Latex
-Uniforms
-High Heels
-Corsets
-Cross-Dressing
-Formed Feminization
-Collars & Cuffs
-School Girl Outfits

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I guess you could say that School Girl outfits are uniforms, but I gave them their own category because it seems like every single guy on Earth has a Fetish about School Girl uniforms, though not necessarily about any other uniforms.

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It seems like all clothing-related fetishes belong in the same category. And yet, there is often judgement when some people think that some clothing-related fetishes are “too weird.”

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Example:

“I am completely fine with school girl uniforms even though it sexualizes children, but adult diaper play is sexualizing babies!”

“I don’t think that women in collars and leashes are weird, but I don’t like it when a Domme makes her male sub wear a dress.”

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Now look; I know that you might not be turned on by a girl in a diaper, or a guy dressed as bacon. Maybe men cross-dressing isn’t your turn on, or you get a little uncomfortable with women in “men’s clothes.”

That’s fair.

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However, I would ask that you not judge people who like different clothes than you do. I think all of us have some kind of clothing fetish, even if it’s just a guy in tight jeans and a cowboy hat. Most vanilla people have clothing fetishes, too. So let’s try to be tolerant of the fact that everyone is into different clothes and that’s okay.

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Rope Bondage

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Lately, I have been asked a lot about how to get better at rope bondage. I must admit, rope bondage isn’t something I do. I have talked before about how I prefer gear ties and cuffs. However, I have nothing but respect for those who practice this noble art.

Because I can’t tell you a lot about how to do it, I wanted to give you some resources:

The Two Knotty Boys are wonderful! I saw them do a show at the CSPC in Seattle, and I can’t tell you how impressed I was. They move with a style and grace that is rivaled by few.

My other recommendation is Twisted Monk. They can give you good ideas. If you visit their page, you’ll find lots of useful instructional videos that you can watch and practice along with. If you want to learn the art of rope bondage, these are some men who can help.

Please remember to keep safety in mind. One of the reasons I don’t do rope bondage is because I worry about missing the signs and causing damage to my rope bunny. Remember to keep something handy to cut ropes fast, just in case a toe starts turning blue!

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Pretty Little Princess

The couch I tied her to

The couch I tied her to

She walked into my house nervous. Yet, it wasn’t the bad kind of nervous where you have an edge of fear and dread. It was the excited kind of nervous where you’re like a puppy jumping up and down. She was glad to be here.

This is meant to be a stand-alone scene. It is just a moment in time. We don’t really know one another, and we may never see each other again. But right now, in this moment, she wants me to Dominate her. She wants to be my little slut, and do all the things I say. She wants to please me.

Still, I don’t start right away. I  negotiate. I am always keen to get the ideas for a scene straight beforehand. That way, I can avoid anyone being disappointed later. When we are finished I tell her to strip. She is shy, and only takes off her shirt. I let it be, because I will enjoy undressing her anyway.

She is a work of art.

I imagine she weighs about 100 pounds, and she is slender, with curves in all the right places. Her ass has just enough shape to make it attractive  and her breasts are just big enough for my hands. Amazingly, I can see her stomach muscles. I take a moment to appreciate how much she must work out, and how impressive the results are.

I start by pulled her breasts out of her bra and using it to prop them up. They look nice this way, and I can appreciate her adorable, round nipples. I squeeze them until she flinches a little, so I can get an idea of how hard to be when we play. She said beforehand to be gentle and I will try, but I am not known for gentle.

Slowly I remove her skirt, and her panties. I have her step out of them. As I bend down to  toss them aside, I am distracted by her beauty and I find myself kissing all of her while she stands nearly naked in my living room. I kiss her legs, her ass, her back, and all along her shoulders and neck. I bite her ears softly, and she sighs a little. I want to drink in every inch of her.

I am almost ready to hit her. I take off her bra, and her breasts are free to rest against her body. She is certainly not the first  girl I have played with, but as I look at her in the candle light now, I am sure she is the most stunning! I know I should order her around, hit her, and fuck her. She came here to be abused. Yet, it’s so hard to stop licking her, covering her skin with kisses and nibbles and squeezes. As my hands run along her perfect body, I can not imagine anything more lovely.

I am reminded suddenly that I can be sentimental. I am not typically, because I mostly play with men. (They are much easier to get.) Yet, they do not evoke this sort of passion in me. For this delicate and beautiful creature, I could write poems. I could walk through fire if she asked. Women are so dangerous to me, and yet, so lovely. I am enthralled.

I tear myself away from her body and step back. I examine the toys I have. She brought a riding crop, and so I think I should try that first. I enjoy the way a good crop feels like an extension of myself. It’s like a little hand on a stick. I can use it to caress her breasts, but then I can pull it away and use it to slap them. I do this now, only lightly. I love the way they jump! She squeaks, because she was unprepared for the pain.

“Hold still now,” I whisper.

There’s no important reason to tell a submissive to hold still, I suppose. It’s meant as a command that can not be followed. Who can hold still and take it when they are really being hit? So when the victim jumps or squirms, you tell them they have earned more punishment because they were naughty.

Yet, as I begin to hit her harder, she does not jump. I actually hit her really hard a few times and welts raise on her back. Still, she doesn’t move. She stands up straight with perfect posture; feet together and shoulders back. She has been trained extremely well, and I am very impressed. It seems there is nothing about her that is not pleasing.

I switch to my flogger, because I enjoy the way it sounds when it slaps someone’s back. Her tiny frame makes a smaller target than I am used to, but I am surgical with my flogger. I can hit someone exactly where I mean to and exactly as hard as I mean to. I love when you get to know a toy well enough that you can use it as if it where part of your own body.

When I am done her back is red all over, with some pretty impressive welts on it. She hasn’t moved an inch and has hardly drawn a quick breath. Such a good girl.

I bend her over for a little bare-hand spanking, because I enjoy the way it feels on my hand. Of course though, once she is bent over, I can only think of her pussy, and I begin to rub her.

I command her to move then, and I tie her to my couch. Her arms are tied to the back, and her legs are spread wide apart. She looks wonderful tied there! I inspect her pussy and find it trimmed, and smelling lovely. I start to lick her, and she reacts then. She squirms and begins to moan in the most wonderful way. I slide a finger inside her, and find that she is so tiny and tight! I love the way her pussy grips my finger as it slides in and out. She moans louder and it sounds like she is about to cum, so I stop. I am not ready for that yet.

“No no,” I say. “I want to play so much more first.”

I untie her, and clip her cuffs on her hands together behind her back. I push her down on her knees in front of the couch, and tell her to pleasure me using only her tongue. While she does this, she must also keep her balance, with her hands restrained behind her. I giggle a little when she slumps forward, trying to find where she should be without her hands, and while blindfolded.

When she licks me it is perfect. Her tiny little tongue is so soft, and it feels amazing. I loose myself for a moment and forget where I am and what I am doing. All I can think about is her, and how good she feels. I particularly love the way she leans in and just rubs her face in my pussy. I can not enjoy it when someone goes down on me unless they love doing it. She does. I am in awe.

At some point I throw her on the table and fuck her with my strap on. I love the way she screams!  And, when I get frustrated that I can’t be pressed against her while I am fucking her, I stop, and I pick her up. I hold her there, with her legs wrapped around me like a tiny koala. I love being pressed against her like this. We fall onto the couch and roll together. We end up with me sitting, her on my lap, cuddling and rubbing and kissing each other. It’s the most amazing feeling ever! She plants little kisses on my forehead and I melt inside.

As we wind down, she whispers “That was perfect.” I wish I was a more eloquent person, because I want so much to express my happiness to her. Nothing I can think of in my head sounds good enough, so I cuddle her that much harder and whisper over and over that she is beautiful, as we go upstairs to bed.

I fall asleep with her in my arms, and I think she is perfect. Yes, it was a stand-alone scene. It was just a moment in time, and she will leave in the morning. Right here right now though, for this moment, she is my pretty little princess and I am the happiest Domme on Earth.