This is the most stupid and childish rant I will ever subject you to. I’m sorry, but I needed to say it somewhere. Please bear with me.

So, I have always tried to stay far enough outside of people’s circles to avoid the drama. I absolutely don’t see the point of getting worked up over other people’s lives.

Recently at Fetish Prom an ex of mine called me over and tried to make me jealous because he was there with another girl. Now of course, being poly, this does not bother me at all. And he should have known that, since he and I had never dated monogamously and in fact, I have always been more in love with the people I was dating other than him. He’s really more of a back-up guy. Not responsible enough to be allowed to be an emotional primary, and too bipolar and given to lying to really be trusted with much.

I suppose often HE was only dating ME, but that’s just because he’s really annoying. (He earned the name “Pretty” because he was good looking, but my friends claimed his looks were his only positive feature. As my friend Elyse used to say; he’d be the perfect guy if we could just sew his lips shut.)

It was actually really sad to see him at prom because he is loosing his hair, and it was one of his better features. He really did used to be pretty. But now… well… a balding head and a gut ruined it. Not to mention the obvious laziness of not brushing the hair he has left or dressing up at all.


Some people age gracefully, but when Pretty came up and tried to start shit with me, I was actually sad for him at how poorly he has aged. It took me off guard. How had this happened so suddenly? When did he get so fat? What made his hair fall out?

I hoped that my casual avoidance would cause him to give up, but he promptly set about trying to bother my husband. I am grateful that the husband is patient, though he is only 23. I am extremely grateful that he simple listened quietly and walked away. Had he risen to the provocation (at one point Pretty even said “I bet you want to hit me, don’t you?”) it would have been giving Pretty what he wanted. Because for whatever reason (maybe because he got ugly and the girl he was with wasn’t very attractive?) he clearly wanted drama to happen.

So this is sort of my PSA to all the people who post their drama on Facebook or who try to start physical fights like little kids; just stop it.



You know, we are adults and we are kinky. That should make us very responsible people. I am currently responsible for the lives of my two boyfriends in Oregon and my husband, and so I am very careful about STD tests and condoms and all of that. That’s how a mature adult acts. We fill out paperwork, get signed consent forms, trade STD tests, and talk things out when we’re upset.

I can not tell you how much I have grown and changed in my lifetime, and it amazes me that some people can stay mentally in the same place they were 25 years ago, and not grow an inch.

If you’re upset about a breakup and you want to do something about that, the correct thing to do is not to attempt to fight with the person who was the other half of said breakup. It is not to try to fight her husband either. And yes, I overheard all the shit-talking that was carefully done in my earshot, but that was also childish.

I was upset about the breakup a year ago when it happened. So I made a photo album of all the good times over the more than a decade that we saw each other, and then I got rid of it. I also wrote about it a little. I think, in a weak moment I might have brought it up to my husband long enough to say I was a little bummed.

But after about a month of being sort of sad, I moved on. Because the thing is, shit happens. I am grateful for the people I still have in my life, and they don’t need to see me all sad. And because I have them it’s hard to be sad. I get a lot of emotionally support from my little harem.

Now yes, Pretty was always immature. He was always kind of a pathological liar who was bipolar. And you may wonder why I kept him around at all. But to be fair, I have been very busy over many parts of my life. Too busy to be a single human. I needed to have someone to deliver my magazine to venues while I was at work, and to run errands for me while I was running shows. I needed a gofer, and for more than a decade Pretty did that with minimal attention required in return.

Of course, I’m doing less in my 30’s than I did in my 20’s, so I really don’t need a gofer anymore. And I realized that among other things during the breakup a year ago.

But to try to cause drama so long long after… well… don’t be like that, folks.

My point is, no amount of provocation will drive me to have a verbal argument or a physical fight. I’m a grown up, and if you want to act nasty, I will ignore you. I will not hit you, nor will I yell at you, nor will I act like an immature asshole. I do not come down to that level.

I hope all of you are like this as well. I’d like to think most of the community is. I hope you can all act like adults in public, and avoid using verbal or physical violence unless it is part of a pre-negotiated scene. Drama is stupid, and if you didn’t leave it back in High School… well… you’re kind of stupid too.

And what did I do at prom? The same thing I always do. I smiled and said “I’m just here for the party.”