Best Of Post

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Well, it’s time for those of us who use the Western Calendar to think about the new year. I suppose those who use the Lunar Calendar might be thinking ahead as well. Anyway, it’s the time of year when you see a lot of “Best Of” posts.

So, I decided to do the Best of the Magically Delicious Super Slut. That way, you can send a link to this post to your friends who aren’t already reading, and they will perhaps be impressed enough to come back.

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The most popular posts are always sex club reviews. You guys sure want to get out and fuck in front of people, don’t you? Unfortunately I have only lived in two countries, so most of my reviews are from those countries. There’s Club Desire and Club Yesica in South Korea, and then The Velvet Rope, The CSPC, and Club Sesso in the US. You should definitely let me know if you want to write a guest post about a sex club you have been to somewhere else. I would love to add to the collection.

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I put a lot of work into my Fetish Series. I’ll be honest; I am probably on an FBI watch list for Googling some of those things. However, it was a good series that covered a lot of ground, and I think it worked well to illustrate the point that there is a lot out there in terms of fetishes, and none of it is inherent bad.

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I have always been a huge supporter of women’s rights, and I am a huge fan of women standing up for themselves. So, you should definitely read about why Slut Shaming is Wrong. Lots of folks didn’t get the message and continued to send ignorant comments my way, so then I wrote Slut Shaming is Still Wrong. They are still some of my favorites.

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Of course I feel far too fondly about the post I wrote a few months after my wedding. It was a long-standing joke among my friends that no one would ever “catch me,” and that nothing on Earth could drag me to the alter. When I finally did get married, (only with the promise of an open relationship,) I was surprised to find that my friends were traditionalists in many ways, and expected me to conform to typical social conventions.

Of course there is a lot of educational stuff too, but I suppose you can find that on pretty much every kink blog these days, so it’s not really what makes me unique.

So now you have a Best Of post to show your friends, and if you missed any of those posts, maybe now you can take a second to check them out. Happy New Year!

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Fantasies Can Be Just That

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I always remind people that it’s okay to want to act out sexual fantasies, but to remember that they don’t have to act out every fantasy they ever have.

Most women have a gang bang fantasy, for example. This is perfectly normal because we did evolve from moneys, and we still have the instincts to collect a variety of genetic material. (This is because competition is essential if we want the best of everything.) Anyway, this is a fine fantasy to have, but it can be a dangerous one to play out unless you know all the men, and you have STD tests from all of them. If not, you run the risk of getting sick.

Now, some people have different risk tolerances than others. It may be that I think something is a perfectly acceptable risk, but you think it’s reckless. When I rode a motorcycle, a lot of people chastised me for being reckless with my life. But, I thought the risk of death or serious injury was low, and so I chose to ride.

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But there are other things besides risk that may stop you. You may be in a monogamous relationship with a partner. Or, you may be in an open relationship with a partner, but they would be upset by your specific fantasy. (Example: A cuckold fantasy you have might not be okay with your partner. Maybe they are okay with you sleeping around, but not while they are there/have to think about it.)

And of course, you may be stopping yourself. Many people who have been raped have rape fantasies (because rape fantasies are really common anyway) but they can’t act on them because it would bring up unpleasant memories. Or, they may be too afraid to ask for those things from a partner who knows they have been through a trauma, because they worry that it will make it look as though they are over the trauma, or like it was never that bad.

I wrote a lot about tolerance when I was doing the Fetish Series. And, I thought about it a lot too. How often do we judge someone for their desires? How often do we make people feel bad for who they are? And I don’t believe for a moment that we can control our fantasies. I really do believe that they are involuntary and come from a part of our mind that is wild.

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And, if our fantasies are as impossible to control as our sexual orientation, then maybe we should be more careful about judging them. Why knows where ideas come from? Hasn’t every writer tried to define the origin of the muse and failed? So let’s not condemn each other for fantasies that we have, or be afraid to tell people.

While accepting that it’s okay to share fantasies and accepting that we shouldn’t judge them, let’s also realize that having a fantasy doesn’t mean you have to do it. Sometimes it’s just fun to dream. We as kinksters often get caught up in living all of our fantasies because we live some of the fantasies that society considers taboo. And that is awesome; I’m not saying that it’s not.

Still, let’s always be willing to admit that some things are just fun to dream about, and there are some things that we might never do. And that’s okay. Staying in your comfort zone is okay.

Safe, sane, and consensual!

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Fetish Series: Review

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It’s been fun doing a series that explores some fetishes in the kink community. I hope you have enjoyed reading! I know that there are about a million more fetishes that we didn’t talk about, and new ones pop up all the time.

However, I just wanted to touch on some of the most talked about fetishes and explore what a fetish is.

If you have suggestions for future posts about a specific fetish, e-mail them to me and I will consider them.

For now, let’s go back to my regular writing about kink life.

Fetish Series posts:

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One: Age play.

(A discussion of different kinds of play related to age as a fetish.)

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Two: Swinging & Orgies.

(A discussion of swinging, orgies, and other forms of group play.)

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Three: Clothes.

(A discussion of various clothing-related fetishes.)

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Four: Impact Play.

(A discussion of whips, paddles, and spankings.)

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Five: Bondage.

(A discussion of bondage and various ways to go about it.)

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Six: Role Play.

(A discussion of types of role play a couple/group might engage in.)

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Seven: Bodily Fluids.

(A discussion of body fluids as a fetish, from blood to scat.)

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Eight: Pushing Boundaries.

(A discussion of more extreme things that are fetisized by some.)

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Nine: Pictures and video.

(A discussion of pictures and video as a fetish, and why you should be cautios of this.)

Make sure to like and comment on the ones you thought were the most interesting!

Fetish Series: Orgies, Swapping, etc…

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Note: There are a lot of monogamous people in the kink community. Being kinky doesn’t automatically make you polyamorous. So before I get into the non-monogamous fetishes out there, I want to acknowledge that fact.

Now, when it comes to group-style sex, there are lots of options, and lots of ways it has been done throughout history. I could never talk about them all. Let’s just stick to two so this post doesn’t get too long:

1. Swapping/Swinging: when you are part of a couple and you switch partners, either at a party or through some other means.

2. Orgies: This just covers group sex of various kinds, including even-ratio parties and other scenarios.

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So first, let’s talk about swinging. Even vanilla people do this, and it’s actually really common.

One tradition of swapping that comes from the vanilla world involves putting all the husband’s keys into a bowl, and having wives pick out keys at random. This is called a “Key Party.”

Some people are attracted to this idea because they like the concept of sleeping with a completely random person. For them, it’s just about having new and different experiences.

Other times, people prefer to switch with someone they already know and are attracted to. In the kink community, you see a lot of submissives “loaned out.” One Domme might have a submissive that another Domme is interested in, and so they trade for the night/week/forever. There are varying levels of consent involved there, depending on what has been negotiated. For example, I can swap my Pet out for another pet, or even just loan him out because I want to. However, I wouldn’t give him away/swap him for more than a night. That’s just the arrangement we have negotiated.

Some submissives are really into being loaned out/swapped/or even sold at auction.

Although a key party is really different than a Domme loaning out her submissive, all these fetishes kind of fall under the same umbrella of switching/swapping.

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Like the section above, orgies are also not exclusive to the kink community. There were plenty of hippy orgies back in the sixties, and vanilla people still get drunk at parties and do this sort of thing. In fact, I have been in a few vanilla orgies, so I know that vanilla folks still have group sex even though the sixties are over.

Many people like the idea because it involves a wide variety of people and experiences in a single setting. Of course, it is also involves a lot more risk of STDs, so you should make sure that you are aware and comfortable with the dangers.

Most orgies are planned, and involve and even split of males/females. However, gang bangs would also fall under the category of an orgy.

Many people who find the idea of group sex disturbing wonder why anyone would chose to do it. Here are some of the reasons:

Exhibitionism: Many people really enjoy being watched. For them, sex is more exciting when people can see. For some kinky folks who like humiliation play, being whipped/fucked in front of people can also play into their fetish, as the natural tendency is to be embarrassed by being seen naked or vulnerable.

Watching: Some people really enjoy watching their partner have sex. They can see facial expressions, body movements, and all the things that are hard to see when they are not at a distance. In addition, some people have a cuckold fetish, so rather than focusing on watching their partner, their interest is in watching their partner having sex with someone else.

Variety: Our instincts as humans tend towards variety. As we see in monkeys, females have an instinct to have many partners in order to have many different sets of DNA (and may the best sperm win) and males have an instinct to spread their DNA as far and wide as possible. So this is basically a way for us humans to indulge some very primal instincts.

There are more reasons that people enjoy orgies, but that should be enough to give you the basic idea of why it might arouse some.

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Obviously there are a lot of other ways that people enjoy sex with more than one partner. Every guy has given some thought to a MFF threesome, and in my experience, every girl has given some thought to a MMF threesome.

Actually, in the polyamorous community you often find a lot of triads or groups of people dating each other. This make sense if you may not get everything you want from one partner. For example, I am bisexual, so I enjoy having a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I am also a switch, so I enjoy having a Dom and a sub. That can be as few as two people or as many as four, and some of them may date each other as well. This is one of the many ways people may end up having sex in a group.

So again, remember to be tolerant of those with different fetishes. Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.

Fetish Series: Age Play

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There’s actually a lot of fetishes covered in the term “Age Play.” So let’s start by breaking them down:

1. Adult Baby Play: This is when someone actually wants to be treated as a baby, including diaper changes and bottle feedings.

2. Daddy/Daughter Play: This is pretty common in the community, but not all “daughters” consider themselves to be “Littles.”

3. Littles: These are people who identify as young children, and have the fetish of being cared for by a loving parent.

4. General Age Play: Any role play where the people are different ages, such as a student and teacher.

Note: Of course there are millions of fetishes, and I can’t talk about every single one. Within the category of “Age Play,” these are some of the bigger subcategories, but this is by no means a comprehensive list.

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“Age Play” is an umbrella for a lot of fetishes. To begin, what is Adult Baby Play? A website called The Daily Diaper offers a lot of good insight and stories, as well as a “personals” section for hookups, (if you’re interested.)

To start, let’s understand that to role play being a baby is to get in touch with a very primal part of yourself. These are people who are looking for bottle feedings, spankings, and to be admired and cared for like babies are.

When you think about it, this fetish sounds sort of comforting. Babies do get a lot of love and attention, and we all enjoy those things, right?

Note: Some vanilla psychiatrists see this as a reaction to not being loved enough as a baby. However, I think all of us can realize that there are plenty of people with good lives and happy childhoods who are part of the kink community. The idea that there has to be something wrong with you for you to enjoy kink is really offensive to me.

So, remember not to let vanilla doctors define your ideas of people in the community. Yes, some of us have issues that we are working out. But I know that for me personally, my kink is unrelated to the issues that I am working out as a human in the world. My kink is not a symptom of “being fucked up.” I just want to make that clear.

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Daddy/Daughter is often lumped in with Littles, but they are definitely different in the eyes of the people who have those fetishes. As the blog “A Little Understanding” explains, there is plenty of room for distinction.

Those who enjoy Daddy/Daughter play see it as an extension of the Sub/Dom dynamic. The “daughters” identify feelings of submission with feelings of being young or vulnerable. The “daddies” identify feelings of dominance with a sort of male nurturing instinct. And so, this results in the Daddy/Daughter relationship.

For some, there is an element of incest involved. So, there are some “daughters” who play the molested child role and squeal “Daddy, you’re not supposed to touch me there!” The taboo is attractive to these people. However, it should be noted that not all Daddy/Daughter relationships are like this. Many sort of gloss over the incest aspect, rationalizing that they are “adopted” or some other story to disassociate the play with the idea of incest.

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Another type of Age Play is the community of people who call themselves “Littles.” These are people who self-identify as children for some or all of the time. The picture above is of a Little in her room. Note the pajamas with feet, the teddy bear, and the pacifier. Littles often ask their mommy or daddy to buy them things, and they often create bedrooms that look like a child lives there. On the website Little Space Online, you can read personal ads and read message boards, if you want more information.

The important thing to remember is that it isn’t about the Sub/Dom dynamic the way that Daddy/Daughter play is. There are all kinds of Littles, but a defining feature is that they spend as much time in the “Little head-space” as they can, and don’t like to spend time in their “Adult head-space” where they are unhappy.

In a similar way to Daddy/Daughter Play, this is not a fetish about incest. Some people may make it about that, but the vast majority of the community glosses over that aspect, because it doesn’t interest them. I would consider incest to be a completely separate fetish that can occur concurrently with Little play, but often does not.

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There are a lot of other age-related fetishes besides the main ones above. For example, many people enjoy role-playing a “student/teacher” dynamic. As a former teacher, I have never found this one very amusing, but I get it. Lots of people had a crush on one of their teachers in High School or college.

Most people think the Lolita phenomenon that is popular in Asia is considered a type of age play. However, all the Lolita girls that I have met are not role-playing being children, and simply enjoying dressing like them. There is no accompanying head-space for them.

Sometimes you have an age difference in a relationship that can feel a little like age play at times. A friend was dating someone old enough to be her grandfather, and while she mostly ignored the age difference, sometimes it crept into her perspective. She was the submissive in the relationship, but whenever a situation would remind her of her boyfriend’s age, she felt like the Domme for a second because she felt like she was caring for him and helping him understand a world that had passed him by.

Similarly, I am married to someone much younger than me. My son is actually pretty upset with me over this (but he should get over it because if I was a man no one would care.) I don’t often think of my husband as younger. However, sometimes I realize that he is when he says or does something, and I have a weird moment of feeling more like a mom than a wife. I try and push that feeling away pretty quickly though, because that doesn’t happen to be my kink.

So, there are a lot of things that the term “Age Play” covers, and we all have various levels of interest in various aspects of the fetishes.

Mainly, I would ask that if you meet someone who enjoys any of the fetishes above, please don’t judge. You may not be personally interested in their kink, but you should do your best to be understanding.

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Fetish Series

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The BDSM community is a group of diverse people. We certainly have things in common, such as our agreement to be accepting of others, and to engage in safe, sane, and consensual play.

However, there is a phrase we often use: “Your kink is not my kink.”

This is meant to refer to the fact that we’re all kinky in different ways. You may be a Furry or a Little. I am neither of those things. However, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t part of the same community.

I get asked about different fetishes a lot.

I think that if we are all part of the same community, then we should probably know about each other’s kinks. We wouldn’t want to misrepresent someone else’s fetish to a vanilla person, right?

With that in mind, I am starting a series of posts on various fetishes. Hopefully by the time I am done, you will all feel very informed about different things that are out there.

Vanilla folks often make out various fetishes to be much more disturbing than they are, and they can be very judgmental about us as a whole. However, some folks in the community can be judgmental too; saying things like: “I am into bondage and impact play, but I think piss play is gross.”

It is my personal supposition that once you understand a fetish and why someone is into it, you will be more tolerant. This series will address that idea.

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