Fetish Series


The BDSM community is a group of diverse people. We certainly have things in common, such as our agreement to be accepting of others, and to engage in safe, sane, and consensual play.

However, there is a phrase we often use: “Your kink is not my kink.”

This is meant to refer to the fact that we’re all kinky in different ways. You may be a Furry or a Little. I am neither of those things. However, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t part of the same community.

I get asked about different fetishes a lot.

I think that if we are all part of the same community, then we should probably know about each other’s kinks. We wouldn’t want to misrepresent someone else’s fetish to a vanilla person, right?

With that in mind, I am starting a series of posts on various fetishes. Hopefully by the time I am done, you will all feel very informed about different things that are out there.

Vanilla folks often make out various fetishes to be much more disturbing than they are, and they can be very judgmental about us as a whole. However, some folks in the community can be judgmental too; saying things like: “I am into bondage and impact play, but I think piss play is gross.”

It is my personal supposition that once you understand a fetish and why someone is into it, you will be more tolerant. This series will address that idea.


How to hit on a girl

It’s great if you want to get whipped. It’s just not a good pick-up line.


As requested by a reader, here is something I’ve been mulling over for awhile. This is how to hit on a kinky girl…

On my fetlife profile, I get a lot of people who message me to say things like “I’ve been a very naughty boy and I need to be punished.” Or “I want you to tie me up and fuck me, Mistress.”

This is not from people I know or even from people who are my friends. This is just from random people who happened to see my profile and decide to introduce themselves in this way. Every time, I can not help but wonder if they are serious. Do these guys actually sit at home in front of their computer and think that those are good pick-up lines? Do they actually think I will stop in my tracks and say “My, I certainly am busy, but I’d better drop what I am doing and go spank this stranger.” In what universe does that sound realistic or sane?

I also know from talking to people that many girls who list themselves as submissive have the problem of men sending messages like “What’s up slut? I want to tie you up and shove my balls in your face.”

Both groups of people often send cock pictures along with their graceless pick up lines. I’ll be honest, that last bit is something I happen to appreciate. I really prefer about 7 inches, and it’s pretty disappointing when you spend all this time getting to know a guy, only to find out he has a tiny penis that’s not big enough to reach your G-spot. And yes, I am also disappointed when they are too big. There are guys out there with cocks that are huge, and those are hard on my various internal organs if I choose to put them inside me. The sending of a cock picture helps me to avoid accidentally wasting time on a guy I’ll just be disappointed with later. It’s still not a good way to start a conversation. It’s still rude. It’ll still turn most girls off. I’m just saying that I personally happen to find them a handy tool.

Oh- but I am pretty baffled when a guy sends me a cock picture and it’s tiny and hangs to the right or something. If that’s what you have to open with… well… sorry for you.
My point is, this is not the way to hit on girls.

If you want to get a girl’s attention, you need to do the same thing you would on the street. You need to start a conversation. Not about your balls or how you want to cum on her face. Kinky does not equal porn star or slut. You need to start a normal conversation. Read her profile. Does it say she’s into books? Do you like books too? Okay great! Say “Hey, I noticed you like books. I like books too. What is your favorite book?”

I know his seems like a radical idea, but in order to get a girl to pay attention to you, it’s important that you talk to her like a girl and not a hooker.

A submissive might enjoy being called a whore during sex. She might enjoy objectification and degradation. However, in my experience, the people who enjoy that stuff in the bedroom are twice as likely as a normal girl to demand respect outside the bedroom. As a general rule, you should just treat everyone with respect and pay attention to what they say.

Yes, a point will come when you will need to discuss what a potential partner is into. Perhaps at that time, it would be okay to say you would like to be spanked. However, you should be patient and wait until you know one another.

Oh, and one last thought, I understand if you don’t want to show your face in a profile picture. Maybe you’re a lawyer or in the military or a teacher. Maybe you don’t want to end up in the news. Fair enough. If you don’t want people to see your face, you could still have pictures of you turned away from the camera, or something that gives a general idea of what you look like. Just please don’t do a naked picture as your profile. Lots of guys do the neck-down nude as a profile picture their first time on fetlife. This is a big turn-off for most girls, even if you look really good naked. So please, keep your clothes on in your main profile picture.