A Letter of Reference

Palace in South Korea

Palace in South Korea

Disclaimer: If we’ve been lovers then maybe don’t read this. Or if you do, don’t get offended. I mean no offense, and this isn’t about you.

I said I’d write an ex a letter of reference. Laugh if you want, but he’s still a good friend and he thought it might help him with ladies he tries to date in the future. Writing this is going to make me wish we were still dating and that I was still in Portland, Oregon. But I guess I’ll do it anyway.

I met him while he was stationed in South Korea in the Army. We went for drinks, which turned into dinner, which tuned into smoking hooka. Eventually I asked him if he wanted to come home with me.

So I brought him home. Our first time having sex was intense. I could feel him trying to figure me out. He tried a lot of interesting things and I liked all of them.

Korean Flag

Korean Flag

Over time though (I guess it took him a few weeks) he had it down to an exact science. He could get me off in 10 minutes or less, and always made it a point to do so before any penetrative sex happened. And ladies, that is the mark of a good guy. If he focuses on figuring out how to please you right off the bat, and then always makes sure you cum before him; he’s a keeper.

I had a rocket scientist who did the same thing, and I have to say, it is amazing what I will put up with from a guy who can make me cum. Seriously, looking back I know he was kind of a prick to me. But the sex… well… I would have done anything to keep having it.

Anyway my point is, Dante (as he goes by lately) is one of those guys who is just really selfless and fun in bed. And if he doesn’t know how to do what you like, he’ll learn. I was into kinky stuff and he wasn’t, so he went right out and bought rope and learned shibari without a thought or complaint. He was very motivated to make sure that he could do anything I wanted done to me. And he watched videos on flogging and other kink things so as not to be one of those annoying guys that goes “Well what do you WANT? And how do I DO all those things?”

Example of shibari

Example of shibari

I never had to explain a thing. I didn’t have to teach him to use a flogger, or show him how to make me cum, or anything the hell else. He figured it all out on his own, and did a damn good job of it.

So guys, take note; this is exactly how you please a woman. If you’re not behaving like this, then you should.

And girls, pay attention: I can’t give anyone a higher recommendation than I’m willing to give Dante. Seriously. The man is a god in bed. I don’t keep track, but I’ve had sex with somewhere around 200 people and Dante is in the top 5. When I say something is good, take in account that my pool of comparison is large.

Most sex I have is nice, but unfulfilling unless I get myself off. No offense to those I’ve slept with who were good but not god status. Cuz, sex is like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still good. It’s better than NO pizza. And it still fulfills the need for touch and companionship and all that stuff. Orgasms are a bonus for us girls, as the oxytocin (bonding hormone) from just having sex is wonderful for us.

And let’s be honest, there just aren’t a lot of guys out there who focus on pleasing their partners above all else. Most people are selfish, because that is normal.

Anyway, I’d like to ask that no one take offense to this post. If I’ve had sex with you more than once, then obviously I like it. And not everyone can be a sex god, okay?

Flogger

Flogger

 

Setting Up a Scene

Some paperwork and my Domme hat

Some paperwork and my Domme hat

I was asked to walk through setting up a stand-alone scene involving sex. I am going to give that a shot now. (Remember I don’t  have that much experience outside a dungeon, and my ideas are not meant to be taken as anything other than suggestions.) To define what I mean; stand alone scenes would be those that are not part of a relationship. Both parties have agreed they want to play, but they are not dating.

To start, I like to do paperwork. (Pictured above).

Yes, this can feel really silly sometimes. Paperwork is not the first thing most people think of when they think of sex. So let me explain why I do it.

1. Submissives often feel nervous about telling me what they want and what their boundaries are. In addition, many service-oriented subs are most interested in pleasing the person they are allowing to Dominate them, and so that further complicates things because they’re both shy about talking, and not keeping their own desires and limits in mind. It can make it hard to get solid answers to things. Having a checklist with “yes” and “no” is nice and solid.

2. There is a certain amount of nervousness that is always involved in playing with someone. If you don’t know the person well, that can be compounded quite a bit. Paperwork is a nice way to easy into things. You’re talking about sex and that makes things start to get exciting. But, it’s structured and feels safe.

3. If you plan to hit a person hard enough to leave marks, it never hurts to have a checklist where they said they wanted that (just in case). Most people are sane and nice enough. However, the odd crazy person can slip by and having consent forms and a checklist of things your submissive agreed to may not get you out of trouble, but it sure as hell won’t hurt.

I like to make tea during the whole paperwork experience. This is because it helps calm a person if they are sipping tea, since it’s such a normal activity. Also though, it sets a time limit. You have a cup of tea, but then it’s time to begin the scene. To clarify; I don’t mean a set-in-stone kind of thing. I just mean that in your head you can keep in mind that a cup of tea is about the right amount of time for a scene negotiation, and that when you clean up the teas cups you can sort of lead into play from there. It’s a nice way to naturally transition.

Dressing up helps too, in my opinion

Dressing up helps too, in my opinion

Second; clothes!

Sure, in a relationship you might not care about what you wear. I know a couple who like to play in pajamas because they want to be comfy while they play. That’s totally cool and like I always say; do your own thing! However in a stand-alone scene, I find that clothes can add an air of credibility to something that might otherwise feel uncomfortable. It’s hard to explain why, but it’s one of those things that I have noticed from trying it both ways. My guesses as to why it works are:

1. Big Domme boots and a scary hat and tend to help people find subspace. Playing with someone you don’t really know, it can be hard to feel trusting enough to go into subspace with them. However, there is just something about the boots that gets people’s attention and makes them feel more compliant.

2. I usually slip into the Domme role fine and feel 100% at home there. However some people can trigger a moment or two of nervousness or doubt. The right clothes can really give a person confidence though- as any social scientist will tell you. A big part of having the right head-space is often dressing the part.

Of course there is probably more to it, and it may be different for everyone. I can only speak to my own experience. It just seems to me that clothes make a big difference.

Make sure your toys are laid out and in easy reach

Make sure your toys are laid out and in easy reach

This is pretty obvious I guess, but make sure the toys you plan to use are all laid out. This allows your submissive to inspect them first and make sure they feel okay with everything. They may want to test the size of a ball gag or make sure a dildo doesn’t look too big. And of course, it also makes it easier for you later when you’re actually playing the scene.

I don’t have a picture for the last one. It’s common sense of course, but make sure to avoid leaving anything sharp or dangerous out. You may throw your submissive around. They may stumble. It’s best to make extra sure that all sharp edges and dangerous things are out of your play space. Also make sure there is nothing that will be in your way when you swing a whip or flogger or whatever.

In general, I focus on creating the best experiences I can. That means attention to detail, and it also means being mindful of all the little things you can do to set up a scene beforehand. That way, when you start to play, you’ll have nothing to worry about but the way you and your partner or partners feel.

Pretty Little Princess

The couch I tied her to

The couch I tied her to

She walked into my house nervous. Yet, it wasn’t the bad kind of nervous where you have an edge of fear and dread. It was the excited kind of nervous where you’re like a puppy jumping up and down. She was glad to be here.

This is meant to be a stand-alone scene. It is just a moment in time. We don’t really know one another, and we may never see each other again. But right now, in this moment, she wants me to Dominate her. She wants to be my little slut, and do all the things I say. She wants to please me.

Still, I don’t start right away. I  negotiate. I am always keen to get the ideas for a scene straight beforehand. That way, I can avoid anyone being disappointed later. When we are finished I tell her to strip. She is shy, and only takes off her shirt. I let it be, because I will enjoy undressing her anyway.

She is a work of art.

I imagine she weighs about 100 pounds, and she is slender, with curves in all the right places. Her ass has just enough shape to make it attractive  and her breasts are just big enough for my hands. Amazingly, I can see her stomach muscles. I take a moment to appreciate how much she must work out, and how impressive the results are.

I start by pulled her breasts out of her bra and using it to prop them up. They look nice this way, and I can appreciate her adorable, round nipples. I squeeze them until she flinches a little, so I can get an idea of how hard to be when we play. She said beforehand to be gentle and I will try, but I am not known for gentle.

Slowly I remove her skirt, and her panties. I have her step out of them. As I bend down to  toss them aside, I am distracted by her beauty and I find myself kissing all of her while she stands nearly naked in my living room. I kiss her legs, her ass, her back, and all along her shoulders and neck. I bite her ears softly, and she sighs a little. I want to drink in every inch of her.

I am almost ready to hit her. I take off her bra, and her breasts are free to rest against her body. She is certainly not the first  girl I have played with, but as I look at her in the candle light now, I am sure she is the most stunning! I know I should order her around, hit her, and fuck her. She came here to be abused. Yet, it’s so hard to stop licking her, covering her skin with kisses and nibbles and squeezes. As my hands run along her perfect body, I can not imagine anything more lovely.

I am reminded suddenly that I can be sentimental. I am not typically, because I mostly play with men. (They are much easier to get.) Yet, they do not evoke this sort of passion in me. For this delicate and beautiful creature, I could write poems. I could walk through fire if she asked. Women are so dangerous to me, and yet, so lovely. I am enthralled.

I tear myself away from her body and step back. I examine the toys I have. She brought a riding crop, and so I think I should try that first. I enjoy the way a good crop feels like an extension of myself. It’s like a little hand on a stick. I can use it to caress her breasts, but then I can pull it away and use it to slap them. I do this now, only lightly. I love the way they jump! She squeaks, because she was unprepared for the pain.

“Hold still now,” I whisper.

There’s no important reason to tell a submissive to hold still, I suppose. It’s meant as a command that can not be followed. Who can hold still and take it when they are really being hit? So when the victim jumps or squirms, you tell them they have earned more punishment because they were naughty.

Yet, as I begin to hit her harder, she does not jump. I actually hit her really hard a few times and welts raise on her back. Still, she doesn’t move. She stands up straight with perfect posture; feet together and shoulders back. She has been trained extremely well, and I am very impressed. It seems there is nothing about her that is not pleasing.

I switch to my flogger, because I enjoy the way it sounds when it slaps someone’s back. Her tiny frame makes a smaller target than I am used to, but I am surgical with my flogger. I can hit someone exactly where I mean to and exactly as hard as I mean to. I love when you get to know a toy well enough that you can use it as if it where part of your own body.

When I am done her back is red all over, with some pretty impressive welts on it. She hasn’t moved an inch and has hardly drawn a quick breath. Such a good girl.

I bend her over for a little bare-hand spanking, because I enjoy the way it feels on my hand. Of course though, once she is bent over, I can only think of her pussy, and I begin to rub her.

I command her to move then, and I tie her to my couch. Her arms are tied to the back, and her legs are spread wide apart. She looks wonderful tied there! I inspect her pussy and find it trimmed, and smelling lovely. I start to lick her, and she reacts then. She squirms and begins to moan in the most wonderful way. I slide a finger inside her, and find that she is so tiny and tight! I love the way her pussy grips my finger as it slides in and out. She moans louder and it sounds like she is about to cum, so I stop. I am not ready for that yet.

“No no,” I say. “I want to play so much more first.”

I untie her, and clip her cuffs on her hands together behind her back. I push her down on her knees in front of the couch, and tell her to pleasure me using only her tongue. While she does this, she must also keep her balance, with her hands restrained behind her. I giggle a little when she slumps forward, trying to find where she should be without her hands, and while blindfolded.

When she licks me it is perfect. Her tiny little tongue is so soft, and it feels amazing. I loose myself for a moment and forget where I am and what I am doing. All I can think about is her, and how good she feels. I particularly love the way she leans in and just rubs her face in my pussy. I can not enjoy it when someone goes down on me unless they love doing it. She does. I am in awe.

At some point I throw her on the table and fuck her with my strap on. I love the way she screams!  And, when I get frustrated that I can’t be pressed against her while I am fucking her, I stop, and I pick her up. I hold her there, with her legs wrapped around me like a tiny koala. I love being pressed against her like this. We fall onto the couch and roll together. We end up with me sitting, her on my lap, cuddling and rubbing and kissing each other. It’s the most amazing feeling ever! She plants little kisses on my forehead and I melt inside.

As we wind down, she whispers “That was perfect.” I wish I was a more eloquent person, because I want so much to express my happiness to her. Nothing I can think of in my head sounds good enough, so I cuddle her that much harder and whisper over and over that she is beautiful, as we go upstairs to bed.

I fall asleep with her in my arms, and I think she is perfect. Yes, it was a stand-alone scene. It was just a moment in time, and she will leave in the morning. Right here right now though, for this moment, she is my pretty little princess and I am the happiest Domme on Earth.