Female Dommes

I get a lot of questions from women about how to dominate men. I have written a few posts about it before, but since everyone asked for more:

First: It is all about attitude.

I use music to get into the mood. I like Selfless, Element a440, Hardwire, Faderhead, and Children of Bodom. I find them to be very empowering bands. I put on my clothes and set up the scene I want to play while listening to loud music. Setting up a scene is really important because you want to have all your toys out where you can reach them. It breaks the scene up if you have to stop and go looking for something.

Second: It’s all in your head.

Yes, you can whip your sub. You can tie them up, blindfold them, spank them, and force them to pleasure you. There are definitely a lot of dominant actions that you can do to another person.

However, it’s not so much the whips and chains that matter. Most of BDSM is selling the idea that you are in control and helping your sub get into a headspace where they are yours. You can do this with words, actions, or whatever makes you feel comfortable. I like to make sure to push them into positions and manhandle them in such a way that they feel forced into each position, but like I said, you can also use verbal degradation or anything else you want.

Third: The problem with penetration.

There is definitely a perception that being fucked is a submissive act. The problem there is that men have penises; even submissive men. And they want to stick them in things. So how do you deal with that?

Well, one way is to take control of every aspect of it. Lay back and tell them exactly what to do. Instruct them on how fast they can go, make them stop when they are getting into it, and don’t let them cum without permission. Use subtle forms of control to ensure that even when you let a sub male penetrate you, they know that you are the one in control.

And of course, you can always get a strap on, lay down on the couch, and tell them to fuck themself. Make sure to use lube since boys don’t make their own.
Finally: Extras Help.

If you are having trouble finding your inner Domme, that’s okay. It’s not always easy. So start by buying yourself some sexy leather or vinyl so you can feel like you look the part. Get some fuck-me boots and practice walking in them.

Then get some toys. Yes, you can use rope or gear ties for cheap DIY bondage, but that won’t help you feel powerful (unless it does, in which case you rock!) However, most of us feel more empowered by leather cuffs. One, it eliminates the hassle of tying knots that your sub might get out of. Two, it looks cool and feel fun to put on them. And try out all the whips at the store until you hold the one that makes you feel like a Goddess.

I know, gear is expensive. And to some it may not be necessary or worth it. But I know that on the days when I am just not feeling it, putting on my vinyl helps. And so does pulling out and arranging my whips and cuffs and floggers and such.

This is just a few things that I find helpful, but as always, do your thing.


Fetish Prom 2013 in Phoenix Arizona


Prom 2013 CoverPhoto

Prom 2013 CoverPhoto


So I went to a Horns and Halos event over the weekend. It was Fetish Prom 2013. I have to say, it was a really killer party. One of my very favorite bands, Hardwire, played the prom. And the headliner was a band called Hanzel and Gretyl. I hadn’t heard of them before, but they were pretty good. There were performances by all kinds of cool people, like Defenz Mechanism. There was so much good stuff that it’s a little hard to describe it all. I guess that’s the best way to really describe a prom- it’s sensory overload of kink.

Defenz Mechanism

Defenz Mechanism


I loved the vendor section with so many whips and chains to look at. The Violet Wand demos amused me to no end, since I brought my favorite pet and he loves electricity. The venue was comfortable, though I prefer indoor events. Club 910 Live was not the best location ever, but it wasn’t bad. The crowd was full of beautiful people, and there were even suspensions by Steve Hayworth.

Girl in a cage

Girl in a cage

When people in other countries or even other scenes outside of Arizona ask me to describe a Fetish Prom as I know it, the best I can do is this:

Whatever your fetish is, you will get to see some of it at Prom. People in cages, people suspended by hooks, people being beaten, music, strippers, and a whole lot of amazing costumes and outfits. A Fetish Prom is a chance to check out all the aspects of the fetish community and see what you like. It’s also the Disneyland of kink, because you can try things. Pet got put in a cage, hit on stage, electrocuted, and many other things. He ran around like a kid in a candy store trying everything, which is exactly what Prom is for.

Beatings on the side stage

Beatings on the side stage

I have never seen anything like Arizona Fetish proms anywhere else. I have seen wonderful gathers of cool people, and been to great munches and dungeon parties and all kinds of things. There is a lot of great kink stuff out there in the world. But Prom is something different. It’s huge. It’s over-the-top, and it’s amazing. I won’t even get into the after party here. That’s a whole other story. For now, I just want to thank James Bound and all of the good guys at Horns and Halos for another great night of crazy, kinky fun!