Kink Evolution

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Kinky very well might just be the way a person is. It has always seemed that way to me. But ideas that excite us do not always stay static. We all start somewhere, and usually we sort of change bit by bit over time. Most of us start out with simple things. Basic restraints and maybe a blindfold. Some teasing with a feather or maybe even a little novelty flogger.

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Most sex shops sell some kind of BDSM starter kit these days, because of the popularity of books dealing with the subject. And of course, household items like kimono ties and karate belts are good starting items.

Over time though, we often get into more complicated stuff. Because most of us that are into BDSM are just addicted to excitement, and to variety and experiences.

A Dom of mine who I adored as a Dom has evolved into more of a Sadist. This is a natural progression for a lot of people. As someone who is not a Masochist, I am ever so slightly disappointed. But I accept it, because I understand that he was bound to evolve.

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I think everyone changes over time.

Where a blindfold was once all you needed, maybe a rope suspension starts to seem like a good idea too. And little by little, we wander father and father down the rabbit hole.

I know lots of people who started out saying, “Oh, I’d never play with hooks in my skin.” And before too long, they ended up part of a “hookers” group like suspension merriment. (Yes, that video is taken in a backyard. There aren’t a lot of venues that let hookers work there, and since Suspension Merriment is based out of Arizona, there is never weather to worry about anyway.)

Things that started out as hard limits become soft limits, and then over time they even become things you enjoy.

Kink is all relative. After all, I know vanilla couples who think that anal sex is kinky. To most of us, anal sex is tame, but anal hooks and butt plugs are sort of exciting.

So how do you deal with it when a partner of yours evolves and you don’t?

Well, this is where you find yourself either learning to like new things, or setting limits for them in play. And this is also why polyamory is a good idea in the kink world, because it’s very hard to find someone that matches up 100% with all your kinks. It’s hard to get everything you could ever want from just one person. (Though I’m not saying it is impossible.)

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My toy bag has grown a lot over the years to include new and different things. I think that is pretty normal, according to what I have seen.

The real key is constant communication. Always figure out a way to express your needs. If you can’t do it in person (too shy or something) then try writing e-mails or letters. I prefer in-person myself, but because people can be shy, I also accept written scene ideas. I do prefer paper-and-pen letters to e-mail though, because we all know Google and the NSA are reading our electronic correspondence.

Anyway find a way to talk to your partners or partners and tell them what you need. And if you can try new things and evolve together, that’s always best.

Paying for Sex

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Disclaimer:

My European friends (and many of my Asian friends) will argue that there is nothing wrong with having sex with a hooker. To them, it is a well-established industry with girls who choose to have sex for money. They do not see it as inherently wrong.

As a side note; they do laugh at the idea of strip clubs, (which is a United States invention as far as I can tell.) I haven’t encountered them anywhere else in the world except Mexico, and then mostly in towns along the boarder where people from the US can go to them. The rest of the world seems puzzled at the idea of paying a woman to tease you.

Point is; I imagine most of my readers are from the United States of America. That means they think naked girls teasing you is fine, but having sex with them is dirty. I don’t know how the line came to be drawn there. I am certainly not agreeing or disagreeing about where a country draws its lines about the sex industry. I just want to say in the disclaimer that I do not think hookers are “bad.”

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However, this story took place when I was 19 and going through a bad breakup, and no one should do any of the things in it. I am only writing about it because someone told me that paying girls to have sex is a somewhat common fetish, and of the two hookers I have slept with, this is the one that is easier to talk about.

The story begins with me and some friends driving down to Mexico one hot summer day. We were headed for a beach, and hoping to get into some trouble if we could. I think when you are 19, trouble is your idea of fun. It was myself and four guys I knew. Also, there was one girlfriend along for the ride. We were in a huge SUV.

That night we went from strip club to strip club. But of course, in Mexico they’re not exactly “strip clubs” like in the USA because they are not regulated by the government. That means the girls can choose to quote you a price for anything you might want, and you can choose to pay it. In Mexico prostitution is technically illegal. However, they were having trouble at the time with the Federal police doing more extorting of the government than actual police work. So, the laws were more like suggestions at that time.

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Anyway, one of the boys I was with gave one of the strippers a large sum of money to have sex with me. He did not tell me this in advance. I had no idea what was going on when a very attractive Latino girl walked up to me completely naked and started to kiss me. I was drunk, baffled, and pretty amused. After a bad break up, a hot girl coming onto you even in dubious circumstances is sort of welcome. (Also, I had the judgement of a 19-year-old.)

Because we had been at the beach all day, I was in a bikini and a hip wrap. At first she didn’t mess with my clothes much, other than to stick her hand inside my bikini bottom and start playing with my clit.

I guess I could have stopped her, but there is a sort of natural response that happens to a person who likes women, and who is confronted with a naked woman trying to arouse them. I really didn’t think too far into what was going on or why. I just sort of leaned back and let her play with me. She moved my bikini top out of my way to suck on my nipples. kissed my neck, and caressed me all over. Eventually she moved my bikini bottom out of the way and started to lick me.

After about 10 minutes of this, I felt myself getting close and I started to scream. Then, I had this amazing orgasm that lasted for what seemed like forever. I remember looking down at her and seeing her smile, as though she was very pleased with herself.

However, it’s after the orgasm that the alcohol clears out of your brain and the arousal goes away, and suddenly things become very clear. Here is what I saw:

I had been on a chair in the corner of the bar, behind a table. Someone had moved the table, and a whole lot of people were staring at me. Oops! Not my first time having sex in front of people I guess, but certainly my first time doing it in public. I slunk out of the bar shortly after, as you would imagine.

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