How Do We Cope?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my country, and about how hard it is to see it falling apart. I look around the world, and I see that other places have the same problems with rising income inequality and increased xenophobia. I don’t want to debate which is worse: US immigration camps or Australia’s immigrant prison island. Let’s just admit that we’re all doing it wrong.

For those of us who are kinky, this is particularly hard. They are taking down websites on the thin justification that “you could meet a prostitute” on them. We all wonder if our favorite kink sites will be next.

In addition, we see more puritanical laws going into effect. The government is seemingly bent on attacking anyone they don’t deem as “normal.” As a pansexual queergender polyamorous human, that is making me very nervous for obvious reasons. I know many of your feel the same. I have been watching a TV show called The Good Fight in which they tackle some of the issues we face in this new conservative era, but there is nothing out there that is truly representative of our struggle.

So how can we cope with this? How can we live each day in fear? How can we get past our social anxiety and our legitimate concern about being marginalized and get out of bed in the mornings?

For me, the answer is to fight back. I can’t be on the defensive. I can’t be the one always backing down. I have to be the one who sees he bad thing coming and rushes headlong at it like an idiot. That’s how I am going to cope with this.

I have always voted, but now I am pushing my friends about it. I also “came out” to my friends and family on Facebook so they would know that they know someone who is effected by this climate of hate. And, I am writing a series of romance novels to normalize kink.

Now, before you say that there are already some good books out there that portray kinky characters as normal humans, relax. I know that. But there are not enough of them. There are too many people reading “50 Shades of Grey” and thinking that is who we are. There are too many people who read the Beauty Series and think that kink without consent is sexy.

I want to lend my voice to the people who are writing about BDSM in consensual relationships. I want to write about how we slowly come into our own in the kink community after some soul-searching and some effort. So with that in mind, I’d like to tell you about The Jamie Johnson series.

It starts with a main character in a mostly vanilla relationship with only a little kink. She feels unfulfilled but unsure if she can find better (because I think we all started out that way.) In the second book she leaves her mostly vanilla relationship and experiments with a few sex clubs and stuff. And finally, in the third book, she figures out what she really wants and she finds it. As the character evolves and more kink is introduced, you can watch her grow as a person and become more confident and comfortable with who she is. It’s a process that I think any fully realized kinkster had to go through, and it humanizes us for the “normal” folks.

Obviously, I have made sure to include consent as a huge theme. I hope to show people that kink can absolutely be sexy even after a lengthy scene negotiation. I genuinely think that we are easily vilified and portrayed as “other” because people don’t understand us. This is my best attempt at combating that. And they are modeled after vanilla romance novels (of which I read 26 before starting this project to try to understand them.) This will hopefully make them palatable to vanilla people who will then come to see us as normal.

Book One: Love & The Desert
Book Two: Love & The Rose City
Book Three: Hearth & Home

The first two are on sale now on Amazon, and the third will be available in time for the holidays, so please feel free to give a friend the gift of ethical kink this year!

Guest Post by J.D. DeLemont

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Hi, my name is J.D. DeLemont, and I want to ask for your help. With the Magically Delicious Super Slut’s permission, I am writing this post to beg you all to help promote my book Love & the Desert.

This book portrays kinky characters as normal human beings who are freaky in bed, and attempts to highlight important issues in the community (like consent!) It’s more exciting than all that though. It’s really just a fun story about a girl who just happens to be a kinkster. The first book is only a little kinky, and as the series progresses the characters go deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole (to show a normal progression of a person from private desire to integration into the community.)

Why should you help me promote the book?

Good question! I’m glad you asked. You should do this because it is the first book in a series that will be released over the course of 2016 which explores various aspects of kink in a healthy light. We as a community need more books that explore kink as something average people do.

How can you help?

Good question! In these modern times, most authors have to pay for a PR campaign from a professional firm to launch their career. So instead of doing that (because I can’t afford to), I am going to depend on my fellow kinky folks to help me. Here are four simple things you can do:

One: 

Write a review on amazon.com! No, you don’t have to read the book to do this. The computer program assigned to determine a book’s popularity does so based on a number of arbitrary things, like how many reviews a book gets- but it can’t read! You could literally write anything and be helpful.

Example Review: “OMG swan attacks!”

(Yes, there really is a swan attack in the book.)

This will help the book to appear higher in search results, and that allows new people to discover it and potentially even buy it and read it. So go to amazon.com, search for “Love & the Desert” by J.D. DeLemont, and then click “write a review!”

Two:

Tell your friends! Word of mouth is really important and it does make a difference. Do you have a friend who likes romance novels? Great! Tell them about the book. Do you have a friend who enjoys geeky things like Star Trek and S.C.A.? Great! The book is full of that, so you should tell them about it. Maybe you know someone from Phoenix, Arizona? Well great! The book is set there, and they will surely be amused to read about actual places they have been and can go to again like the Scottsdale Civic Center and the Nile Theater.

Word of mouth makes a difference and if you tell people and they tell people, it will mean a whole lot more than a $20,000 PR campaign ever could!

Three:

Ask about it at your local bookstore! Everyone has a cute local bookstore like The Poison Pen or Changing Hands. Those wonderful examples of independent bookstores that hold on in our communities and continue to be awesome places to meet authors and attend book signings. But, they won’t stock a book unless there is a demand for it. Most of them have a request list, comment card, or suggestion box. So go in, and ask if they carry “Love & the Desert” by J.D. DeLemont. When they say no, simply recommend that they carry it!

Four:

Buy the book. I know this is a drastic step and the only thing on this list that costs money. But if you buy the book, you will be doing wonderful things like helping to support an artist, and cancel out the negative karma that 50 Shades brought into our little world! It’s not an expensive book. It’s not like it’s a hardcover or something. Think of it! For under $20 you can fund a penniless writer. It’s really a donation to help fight world hunger, because I am hungry. And more than that, it’s a donation to help me write more in the future. Creating culture takes time and caffeine, and you can help me have these things!

Of course you will have my eternal gratitude if you do any of these things. You can write to me at jddelemont@gmail.com and tell me of your valiant efforts, and I will in turn send you good karma straight through the Internet! Or you can visit my site and comment on how crappy my book is and what you want to see in the next one instead, and I will listen to whatever you have to say!

Thanks for reading!