Munches and Thoughts

ticket to ride

I have had some time now to rest and relax, and to reflect on my trip.

I had to cram a lot of things into far too small an amount of time, so I was only able to make it to two kink events.

Sydney Board Game Munch

I want to say that the Sydney Board Game Munch was fabulous, and it really helped me get an idea of what the scene there is like. Plus, I played two new games; Joking Hazard and Ticket to Ride. Both were a lot of fun! It’s wonderful to be around kinky geeks because we all have so many little quirks in common, and I feel so much less strange around other people who are kinky and geeky.

Sydney Monthly Munch

Second, the Sydney monthly munch was nice, and I wish I could have stayed longer. It was really delightful to be around kinky people again, and to be able to talk about kinky things. I played a game of BDSM Jenga, which I hadn’t done since Korea. That was a lot of fun. And, I talked up my books and passed out business cards.

All The Gratitude 

I had spoken to a guy named Kinky Panda online before I came, and it was wonderful to meet him and to hear his thoughts on kink, Australia, and everything else. Plus, he introduced me around a little to other people, so I didn’t feel like a stranger in a room of cliques I wasn’t part of.

By the way, that is something that I think a lot of people overlook- making a connection before you go somewhere.

It’s important because kinky folks are often secretive. This is justified, because being “outed” can ruin someone’s life. Therefore, being mindful of that is important when traveling. Join some groups and chat with some people before you go to a new spot. Ask to be introduced around at events. It really helps.

I was glad that I had put in the effort, and that I had lucked out and met a really cool person who knew everyone. So if you are reading this, thank you Kinky Panda. You are the bomb!


The Bad News

However, it was not all sunshine and roses.

Being around a community again also reminded me of some of the bullshit that you have to deal with. I guess I had completely forgotten that stuff. It’s amazing how isolation makes things fade away from the forefront of your mind.

Yet, you have to remember that I did spend twenty years in the community before I came to Guam. And, it turns our that memory floods back quite quickly with the right trigger.

My time with the Sydney kink community inspired me to want to tell you a few things that I think need to be said more often. But, don’t take this as a reflection on Australia! This stuff applies to every community I have been in, in South Korea, France, the USA, etc…

Again, I want to emphasize that I loved the Sydney community and I loved Australia. BUT I also remembered some old gripes that my subconscious has had a lot of time to turn over and think about since I have been forced to live in solitude the last four years.

So, here goes:

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1. Do not criticize events unless you are planning to pay for, create, and promote your own. This awful woman at the board game munch went on and on about how she was tired of seeing rigging work at kink parties. After awhile, I really wanted to scream in her face for being such a whiny downer when she has never planned a single party.

I have planned parties with burlesque dancers and had people complain that they wanted rigging. I have planned parties with rigging and had people complain that they wanted bands. I have planned parties with bands and had people complain that they wanted parties with scenes. And, I have planned parties with scenes only to have people bitch that there were no dancers.

Look: unless you have something constructive to say (Example: I like burlesque dancers, but I think instead of a stage with entertainment I would prefer a vendor area) then keep your mouth shut. And you know what? Even if you have something constructive to say: Say it nicely. We promoters work hard for you!

Planning events is a thankless job. I never made much money at it (and what I did I always put straight back into the scene.) I just did it because I wanted to be able to go to good parties, and there weren’t already good parties going on. So, I made some. And I really don’t think that people who just show up to things and whine add anything to the world. I think they are just soul-sucking harpies without an ounce of happiness inside them.

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2. Do not make generalizations because it makes you sound like an asshole. The same loud (and quite rude) woman who was whining about events basically said that all riggers are rapists. She went on and on about it.

When I said that I had never raped anyone and I didn’t think it was a fair thing to say, she simply carried on with her stream of vitriol towards anyone who does rope work (now I am often too lazy to bother with rope, but I do know how to do rope work and I do think it is a beautiful art form.)

The thing about people who want to attack an entire section of the community and slander them with lies is that their words do not reflect on the people they are talking about. Nothing that Angry Girl said about riggers in any way affected my opinion of the rope community in Sydney. What it did affect was my opinion of the girl saying the nasty things. I found her to be bitter and mean. Her words made her look horrible, and thereby improved my opinion of riggers in Sydney considerably. I now think that they must be fabulous people, because a really terrible woman doesn’t like them.

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3. And finally: Kink is an orientation. Those of us who are kinky were born this way, and it is not something that we can change. To say that we don’t have to be this way is to not really understanding what kink is. If you think that kink is not an orientation, then you don’t belong among us.

It is just like those men who say that doing certain things will “turn you gay.” You know what I mean. All those pastors who claim that men listening to Taylor Swift or watching Frozen will turn them gay. Those men only think that because they are already gay, and they are lashing out at the things that make them feel like having sex with men (which is most things since they are already gay.)

If you think kink is not an orientation, that is only because it is not your orientation. Maybe you think you are into kink because you like shemales or furries. But if you don’t understand that kink is an orientation, then you are not really one of us. You have just someone who has a fetish.

Because, if you were kinky, you would know that it is how we are. I feel it in my bones. It is as much a part of who I am as my sexual orientation, and I couldn’t change it if I wanted to.

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In conclusion:

I really did have a good time in Sydney, and I am glad that I went to some munches while I was there. However, it did remind me that some people in the community just suck. It’s a shame, but it is how it is. They make drama, criticize instead of create, and generally ruin everything that others work hard to build. And the worst part is that they think their shitty attitudes are good for the community because they think everyone needs to hear what they have to say in order for things to get better.

This is a lie.

Things in a community get better when people STOP bitching and moaning, and start doing actual things.

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You are either the person who says that riggers are rapists and that they are the worst people in the community, or you are the person that learns Shibari and puts on beautiful displays for your fellow kinksters.

You are either the person who whines that events are not good enough and that you don’t like the entertainment, or you are the person that plans events and does the best you can to make them awesome.

You are either the person who creates drama and is mean to new people, or you are the person who keeps a blog and helps new kinksters to learn about BDSM.

Don’t be the shitty person. If your life sucks and you are miserable and bitter, fine. But keep that toxic shit to yourself. When you whine and bitch, it doesn’t say anything about the people and things you complain about; it says something about you. No one likes the person who complains all the time. No one wants to be around that person, and no one values that person’s opinion.

I would urge all of you to be the change that you want to see in the world. That is how we have a good community.

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My favorite munch that I ever went to was in Portland. We got together to make ginger bread houses. I had actually never made a ginger bread house before, and I really had fun with it. The person throwing the munch had arranged to buy kits for each of us and candy (which we reimbursed her for) and everyone brought snacks to make it kind of a pot luck.

It is still a really cool memory because I like to try new things, enjoy pleasant conversation with new people, and feel accomplished at the end of it all.

I have not ever made a ginger bread house since, but I am really glad to say that I was able to do it once in my life. And it was even with cool people!


So my husband and I are going on vacation, and I was trying to think of somewhere to have a munch while on our trip. I looked at the Raccoon cafe (only two sad little raccoons) and all the bars and restaurants I like, but here’s the problem with that:

It’s loud in a restaurant, bar, or club.

I always felt like the point of a munch was to talk to people and get to know them. I thought it was to introduce friends, and make new friends.

It’s hard to do that in a loud and crowded environment.

Anyway, it made me think of how I would rather go hike to a temple and sit around in a circle chatting than go to a bar and scream over music.

What is your favorite place to hold a munch?



Be Welcoming


Someone I care about is going through a break up.

On the one hand, that always sucks. No one wants to see people they care about in pain.

On the other hand, he’s always been interested in kink. And, his wife of nine years was not. In time, this break up might end up being an opportunity to explore more of himself.

At least, that’s what I hope.

The problem is that he doesn’t know anyone in his town who is into the kink scene, and he’s nervous about going to a munch by himself.

I am so used to stopping in new places and being excited to pop in to a munch and meet new kinksters. I don’t think of them as scary; I think of them as a social affair.

However, I had to step back and think about my first kink event.

I was nervous. I didn’t know anyone, and I went by myself. At first, no one talked to me. I just hung out in the corner of the coffee shop and just watched people talking.

However, I went again the next week and the one after that. Eventually people did talk to me, and I started to make friends.


I guess I just wanted to remind everyone that we all had a first munch. We all had those nervous feelings about jumping from fantasy to reality. The experience is universal, and it is something that we should all try to remember when we see a newbie at a munch.

Remember your first time. And when you see someone new, go say hello. Be friendly and be welcoming. Our community can always do with new members, and you never know what amazing new person you might meet.


Reaching Out


My husband and I are planning a trip to South Korea in October as a vacation. We are always interested in meeting new and interesting people, so if you are going to be in South Korea in the last two weeks of October, let me know and we’ll plan to meet up.

When we travel, we always try to go to kink places in that area, so if anyone is aware of a fetish club in Korea, let us know. We have been to Club Desire, and to hook up clubs, but a dungeon would be lovely.

Also, we will try to attend at least one munch while we are there.

Obviously we are going for vacation, so we’ll be hiking in Seoraksan and visiting Jeju Loveland and such, but it’s important to us to try and work a little kink into every vacation. So if you have ideas, let us know!

(As always, if you are planning a trip to Guam, let us know!)


Of Ginger Bread and Holiday Cheer

This is my first ever ginger bread house

This is my first ever ginger bread house

In my life, I have planned a lot of kink events. I am currently trying to organize a play party during my upcoming trip to South Korea (as an example.) And from fetish proms to munches, it’s often hard to figure out how to entertain people.

Well Friday I went to a fetlife munch in Portland where we made ginger bread houses. I missed America (it is my home after all!) And I really missed American holidays. I can not tell you how exciting it has been to be here for carving a pumpkin on Halloween, eating turkey on Thanksgiving, and now making a ginger bread house for Christmas.

This is not to say that Chuseok and Lunar New Year weren’t fun. They were. Korean holidays are lovely and there are beautiful cultural experiences to be had all over the world. But in the end, there really is no place like home for the holidays.

Anyway, this was one of the cooler munches I have been to and I thought it was a really awesome idea, so I had to share. Maybe others will see this post and get inspired to throw their own ginger bread house munch someday.

Happy Holidays to all the kinksters out there!

All the pretty houses together

All the pretty houses together



My summer was full of travel in the form of road trips and overseas flights. I saw cool places, had sex with awesome people, and all-in-all it was a great summer.

However, it’s time to settle down. It’s time to pick a place and stay for awhile. I’m pulling up a patch of the universe and calling it home. And that patch of the Universe is Portland, Oregon in the USA.


I’ve only just arrived. I haven’t had time to go to a munch yet or check out one of the many sex clubs that Portland is meant to have. Hell, I have barely had the chance to hang my clothes up in my new closet!

If you are from Portland or you are living there now, please feel free to suggest cool places and cool things to do. I am all ears.


After some very tropical weather in Korea and a terrible dry heat in the desert, I admit that I this 70 degree weather in Portland is all I can think about right now. It’s so fucking pretty outside that I can hardly stand it!

So my first adventures out of the house where to Oxbow Park and Eagle Creek, and various other forest trips.

But if you just give me a week or two to enjoy the amazing weather, I promise to get serious about meeting the folks in the kink scene here.


I’ll get to the kink scene right after this next hiking trail…