Fetish Series: Orgies, Swapping, etc…

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Note: There are a lot of monogamous people in the kink community. Being kinky doesn’t automatically make you polyamorous. So before I get into the non-monogamous fetishes out there, I want to acknowledge that fact.

Now, when it comes to group-style sex, there are lots of options, and lots of ways it has been done throughout history. I could never talk about them all. Let’s just stick to two so this post doesn’t get too long:

1. Swapping/Swinging: when you are part of a couple and you switch partners, either at a party or through some other means.

2. Orgies: This just covers group sex of various kinds, including even-ratio parties and other scenarios.

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So first, let’s talk about swinging. Even vanilla people do this, and it’s actually really common.

One tradition of swapping that comes from the vanilla world involves putting all the husband’s keys into a bowl, and having wives pick out keys at random. This is called a “Key Party.”

Some people are attracted to this idea because they like the concept of sleeping with a completely random person. For them, it’s just about having new and different experiences.

Other times, people prefer to switch with someone they already know and are attracted to. In the kink community, you see a lot of submissives “loaned out.” One Domme might have a submissive that another Domme is interested in, and so they trade for the night/week/forever. There are varying levels of consent involved there, depending on what has been negotiated. For example, I can swap my Pet out for another pet, or even just loan him out because I want to. However, I wouldn’t give him away/swap him for more than a night. That’s just the arrangement we have negotiated.

Some submissives are really into being loaned out/swapped/or even sold at auction.

Although a key party is really different than a Domme loaning out her submissive, all these fetishes kind of fall under the same umbrella of switching/swapping.

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Like the section above, orgies are also not exclusive to the kink community. There were plenty of hippy orgies back in the sixties, and vanilla people still get drunk at parties and do this sort of thing. In fact, I have been in a few vanilla orgies, so I know that vanilla folks still have group sex even though the sixties are over.

Many people like the idea because it involves a wide variety of people and experiences in a single setting. Of course, it is also involves a lot more risk of STDs, so you should make sure that you are aware and comfortable with the dangers.

Most orgies are planned, and involve and even split of males/females. However, gang bangs would also fall under the category of an orgy.

Many people who find the idea of group sex disturbing wonder why anyone would chose to do it. Here are some of the reasons:

Exhibitionism: Many people really enjoy being watched. For them, sex is more exciting when people can see. For some kinky folks who like humiliation play, being whipped/fucked in front of people can also play into their fetish, as the natural tendency is to be embarrassed by being seen naked or vulnerable.

Watching: Some people really enjoy watching their partner have sex. They can see facial expressions, body movements, and all the things that are hard to see when they are not at a distance. In addition, some people have a cuckold fetish, so rather than focusing on watching their partner, their interest is in watching their partner having sex with someone else.

Variety: Our instincts as humans tend towards variety. As we see in monkeys, females have an instinct to have many partners in order to have many different sets of DNA (and may the best sperm win) and males have an instinct to spread their DNA as far and wide as possible. So this is basically a way for us humans to indulge some very primal instincts.

There are more reasons that people enjoy orgies, but that should be enough to give you the basic idea of why it might arouse some.

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Obviously there are a lot of other ways that people enjoy sex with more than one partner. Every guy has given some thought to a MFF threesome, and in my experience, every girl has given some thought to a MMF threesome.

Actually, in the polyamorous community you often find a lot of triads or groups of people dating each other. This make sense if you may not get everything you want from one partner. For example, I am bisexual, so I enjoy having a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I am also a switch, so I enjoy having a Dom and a sub. That can be as few as two people or as many as four, and some of them may date each other as well. This is one of the many ways people may end up having sex in a group.

So again, remember to be tolerant of those with different fetishes. Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.

Generally Accepted Terms

I have lamented before that every community used different terminology for different things, and how this can be confusing if you travel a lot. Every scene has their own inside jokes. However, there definitely are some terms that are generally accepted in all scenes, and it’s important to get them right. People can’t make informed and consensual decisions if they are not properly informed of what is going to happen, after all. And we do always strive for safe, sane, and consensual fun.

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Munch: A munch is when a group of kinky folks get together in a vanilla setting. This often involves going somewhere that serves food, so the term “munch” refers to that. However, I have also attended munches at theme parks, disused prisons, and various other interesting locations.

Note: When you agree to go to a munch, you are expected to dress vanilla unless otherwise specified. It is mostly about getting a chance to meet people, and it is generally assumed that the discussion of kink will be saved for more private areas where no one can be overheard and “outed” by accident to a co-worker of family member.

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Workshop: This is when someone who has some sort of area of expertise chooses to teach the basics to others. This is generally in a private space, like a home or rented club. Dress as specified, because sometimes a group doesn’t want to attract attention, and will ask for vanilla dress. My favorite workshop that I have attended was at a public dungeon called the CSPC, and again, this was strictly for learning purposes. Play is not on the table for such events.

Note: When you agree to go to a workshop, you realize there will be frank discussions about kink-related things. A good presenter usually makes handouts, and sometimes brings another person to demonstrate a specific thing (for proper flogging techniques, I might bring my husband and demonstrate on him.)

play party

Play Party: For a play party, you can expect it to be at a private home because most are. Usually you will be invited to bring your own toys, and other people will bring theirs. It is okay to actually use the toys, and sometimes toys can be shared between consenting folks, so make sure to bring cleaning agents if you plan to bring toys and loan them out. Again, you may be asked to dress vanilla so as not to attract attention to the house of the host, or you may be invited to dress in kink attire. Always ask.

Note: When you agree to go to a play party, you are obviously consenting to seeing people naked. After all, a good flogging session doesn’t involve clothes. You will see other people playing. Note that you must always give a decent amount of space for a scene, so the Dom has room to swing things and not hit you. Remember that it is never okay to interrupt someone else scene or try to involve yourself if you were not invited, and it is never okay to touch someone else’s toys without permission.

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Orgy: These can be at swinger’s clubs like The Velvet Rope and Club Desire, or they can be at a private home. Generally it is expected that you will bring condoms (regardless of your gender) and that you will follow the same rules as a play party in terms of respecting someone’s space unless invited. Even at an orgy, rape is still not okay. Dress, again, depends on the host. Many people who host parties do not want their neighbors to know, so vanilla clothing is often expected.

Note: Going to an orgy does not mean you consent to sex. You can just go and watch. People are still expected to respect your personal space unless invited into it, and you should still negotiate all scenes before they take place. You are consenting to see people naked, but this does not mean you have to be naked. Remember to give everyone space and, as was the motto of Club Sesso, “Don’t be a creep.”

Remember: If you organize events, you need to use the correct terms. People need to know what they are consenting to in advance. You do not want to create an atmosphere where people feel uncomfortable, because this reflects poorly on the community as a whole, and no one should want to do that.

An Orgy I Went To

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So while I was on vacation I went to an orgy. (I also went ice fishing and to an amusement park, but I guess you guys don’t want to hear about that, huh?)

First: It’s kind of hard to define what an orgy is. This was 6 couples (or 12 people) who started out just switching partners with each other and ended up sort of just having sex with everything around. I have no idea if it was planned or not, because my pet and I were the only English speakers there. It seemed unplanned, so I’m going to assume it just started out with some couples at a sex club and ended with a more orgy-like setting.

When I told my friends I was at an orgy, they had several questions. So I’ll write this post as a question and answer, since it seems like a fair format to do this topic in.

1. How many people did you have sex with?

Um… I’m not really sure. It’s all kind of a blur. I’m pretty sure that I had sex with all of them. But you know, it’s a dimly lit room and not everyone is memorable. It’s not like we got to exchanging names or talking about our lives with each other.

2. Was it fun?

A lot of it was fun, yes. I had some really interesting sex. And of course, it was all Asians, so I got to be the hot foreign girl with the big, blue eyes and the shaved pussy. Asian men go nuts over a shaved pussy. They all want to pet it and rub lube on it and stuff because Asian women don’t usually shave.

It was also fun from the perspective of watching my pet, which I always enjoy doing. I don’t mean to brag, but my pet has 6-pack abs, a beautifully toned body, and a huge cock. He is way hotter than the guys in porn. And yes, I do know how lucky I am. So watching him walk around, watching him fuck, and anything else I ever watch him do is just awesome. And anyway he gets this “sex smile” that is so brilliant and lights up my whole world.

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3. What about STDs?

This is a very valid question. Yes, I do worry about STDs. That’s why I use condoms. All the guys were annoyed about this because they weren’t using them with the other girls. But I insisted and they complied. My pet had the same experience with the girls, who saw him reach for a condom and said they didn’t like it, but he put it on anyway.

Still, STDs are spread from skin-to-skin contact and they are caught from oral sex as well as vaginal and anal sex. It’s totally possible to get something even using condoms and dental dams and being careful. So when I got home to the USA I went and got a full STD panel. Some of the tests require a wait of a few weeks before you can take them, so always ask your doctor if it’s too soon to take certain tests. My doctor thought it was silly of me to wait for the AIDS test, because he said it’s rare that it’s takes longer than a week or two to show up in your blood. But he agreed that it’s okay to be cautious and told me to come back in a few weeks for that one.

I do this all the time. I have been tested for STDs at least 40 times in my life. The tests have not always come back negative, but everything I have ever caught was easy to treat. Yes, I worry every single time.

But here’s the thing; I am not willing to live my life according to fears of what might happen. I am as careful as anyone can be given my lifestyle, and I am accepting of the fact that it might not be enough. I fly in planes even though they sometimes crash. I drive a car even though sometimes car accidents happen. I went skydiving even though sometimes parachutes don’t open. And I went to an orgy even though I might get an STD.

Some of my friends feel that this is irresponsible behavior. Maybe so. But I like sex, and I like unique situations involving sex. I feel that the risk is small, and that it is worth it. You may make a different choice, and that is okay too.

4. How do I get to be part of an orgy?

It’s funny because the ones I have been part of were surprise situations. I think it usually is. I don’t think there are a lot of planned orgies. (Though there are a lot of swingers clubs for older married folks.) I do not think I can answer this question. All I can say is; you increase your chances when you hang out in certain types of places around certain types of people.

5. Were there any negative parts?

Yes, there was one. A sort of overzealous guy was watching me and another guy have sex, and he tried to stick his fingers inside of me (while the other guy was inside of me). He had finger nails, and they cut me. This was actually when I tagged out of the orgy and left everyone to their fun.

6. Would you do it again?

Yes! With the exception of the very end, it was actually a lot of fun. I know it’s uncharacteristic for a girl to admit to even liking sex, let alone promiscuous orgy sex. But, it was fun! There was one point where I had 3 guys around me all playing with me at once and I felt like a total sex goddess. It was just like being in a porn. I love sex that feels just like a porn.

I'm including a frog orgy at the end because I have a terrible sense of humor and because the picture made me laugh

I’m including a frog orgy at the end because I have a terrible sense of humor and because the picture made me laugh