Just pictures

I have so many pictures I really love, and even though I have posted some of them before, I wanted to do a post that was JUST about seeing the things in my world. So, here goes:

Just a wind chime in South Korea.

Just a wind chime in South Korea.

So in South Korea they have these penis parks like Jeju Loveland, where you go and look at statues of people having sex, and of penises and such. This is a wind chime made of wooden penises.

Just a sex statue

A sex statue

I think this is supposed to be the god Pan fucking a woman. If you go to Korea, you really have to check out the penis parks!

I just love the way my vinyl gloves look grabbing his butt in leather pants.

I just love the way my vinyl gloves look grabbing his butt in leather pants.

I don’t have many pictures from fetish events or play parties. Cameras are not allowed in most situations because no one wants to be “outed” as being kinky. So while you won’t see a picture of me, you can see my hand grabbing one of my pets.

My favorite shirt that I own

My favorite shirt that I own

I never get to wear this shirt. It’s not really okay in most social situations. But I fucking love it!

Just toys laid out for the night

Just toys laid out for the night

I love when you lay out your toys for the night and then sit waiting for your victim to arrive…

Nothing major. Just some claw marks.

Claw marks.

I didn’t feel like pulling out the whips and chains, but I still left my mark.

Just a bag of stuff for a play party

A bag of stuff for a play party

Off to a play party, so I had to pack of bag of clothes and toys! Oh- how I love a good play party with fun people!

Collars!

Collars!

I love collars! Decorative, play, or ownership collars; it doesn’t matter. They’re all so great!

Toys!

Toys!

Another night of fun all laid out on the table and ready for the pets to arrive.

Blindfolds

Blindfolds

I love going to Everland because of the blindfolds… (So much better than a plain one, yes?)

At a show

At a show

I have mentioned Element a440 before. They do songs about whips and chains and they are great dungeon music. In addition, their stage show involves tying girls to crosses…

From a play party

From a play party

I just love the crops next to the veggie tray. I wish I could take more pictures at play parties, but…

Rope suspension

Rope suspension

Now, even with his face blocked, you can tell this is my brilliant friend Hexavier. Most people I know wouldn’t let me “out” them on my blog, but Hexavier is a special breed. He’s also the best at rope work that I have ever seen, and he built his own rig.

Punishment room

Punishment room

In Korea they used to spank people as a punishment. This is one of the spanking rooms. I am not making this up. This was a serious government punishment.

Bondage bunny

Bondage bunny

I haven’t really ever done a post about furries. I probably should. There is certainly some kinky furry sex at Fetish Proms…

Whips!

Whips!

This is just some of the toys we had at a play party that we threw. So many choices!

Paperwork

Paperwork

Remember, paperwork is important! Do not play with a sub until you have a signed consent form. It never hurts to go over a checklist as well.

Still my favorite

Still my favorite

Of all the pictures ever taken of Pet and I, this is my favorite. It’s better than our wedding photos.

Remembering...

Remembering…

And of course, fliers from some of my shows. Play parties are private and in someone’s home. It’s a small group, and yes they sometimes turn into an orgy. Erotic balls and fetish proms are a way of showing off your kink in pubic by dressing up, watching performances, etc…

Public Kink

Hook Suspension

Hook Suspension

Lately I’ve been wondering about how public people make their kink, and what they are really worried about.

First, I should give you background. I have managed to work at a dungeon without feeling the need to tell people about it. My other job during the same time was at a bar, and I kept the two very separate.  Had I told the conservative folks at the dive bar about my other job, they would have lost their shit.

So I think what I am trying to say is; I am good at keeping quiet around people who are vanilla. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes I want to scream from the rooftops: “I just went to the BEST fetish party!” Yet I manage to avoid talking about kink to co-workers, friends, and all the other people I interacted with.

Yes, it feels like a lie sometimes. I often wish it were like being gay, where I could say “this is just how I am and you should accept it!” But it’s not like being gay. (I hate when people make that comparison.) Gay people want the right to get married, and to kiss in public without anyone getting angry. Straight couples into BDSM can get married and kiss in the streets. Kink is really only something to be enjoyed in private or semi-public spaces. It doesn’t need to happen outside dungeons and clubs and house parties. There is really no reason to flog a submissive in the streets for the same reason you shouldn’t have sex in the street. It’s a sex act and those should be private. Therefore, you can’t really say others should have to accept it.

Of course there’s also the fact that, if you tell others, it could damage your career or relationships with vanilla people.

So I keep my kink to myself most of the time. Even at play parties I let others take the lead whenever I can, and I sit back and watch. I feel like kinky people can often think their way is the only way, so I generally avoid giving demos or teaching because I don’t want someone to say “Oh I do it this way and it’s much better.” That always annoys me.

An example is flogging. I really enjoy flogging, but I don’t like to do the approved figure-eight motion. You can’t hit as hard when you do that. I mostly play with submissives that like pain, and I like inflicting pain. I want to pull the tails back and snap them as hard as I can! I want to put all my weight into it and really raise welts! But that’s not the “approved notion” about how to flog someone and I have been criticized for it before.

And I do realize I came from a very extreme scene. When I was growing up, the kids I played with thought nothing of sticking meat hooks into their backs and being hung from the ceiling. I know other scenes are much more conservative, and of course, everyone has their rules.

So in general, if I am forced to present at all or give my opinion, I try to remind people that it’s just how I do things, and I am not trying to be bossy or tell others what to do. I am NOT one of those people that will harass you about protocol. I don’t care who hits on who, what paperwork you want to do or choose not to do, or how you want to play. Do your thing, people. Do your thing.

I consider myself softly spoken and I try to tone my personality down as much as I can. I know I am too high-energy for some people and certainly for some dungeons.

Make no mistake though- because I really can’t let you get this wrong: I am not ashamed of being kinky and I will not act ashamed!

So this is where the question of how “out” to be comes in.

I am open about my kink on fetlife.com and I am open about it to other kinky people. I am not secretive and I don’t think people should let paranoia control them.

Korea has spoiled me. They literally don’t give a shit about your personal life here. It’s understood that you might get drunk and throw up and be crazy at night, but that bears no connection at all to how you act at work. An example (which I was horrified about) is when my boss went to my apartment unannounced to look at my broken heater. I had my toys laid out on the dresser because I had cleaned them all before work, and she did not mention them to anyone ever or hold it against me. She had gone to my house and she understood that privacy is important in a personal space- as Koreans do. I love this about Korea. They let your personal life be your own.

Even in the states though- I am out in the scene. I do not hide who I am from other kinksters or make them guess about what I do or don’t do. I am up-front and direct. And I’m fine with curious vanilla people too. They’re pretty harmless and if they’re thinking about it, I’m cool with letting them come walk on the wild side and have a look.

The reason is this: There is never any evidence. We don’t allow photos at play parties without consent. If you took someone’s picture without asking, the entire crowd would flip out because we all know that is not okay. No one would defend you. It is the same at dungeons and fetish proms. You ask before you take a picture, and you do not post anything on the internet without permission.

Therefore, if someone wanted to “out” you, all they would have is words. They would say “So-and-so is into S&M” and you would say “You wish!” and laugh it off. No one takes hearsay seriously.

This is why I am comfortable in the community and do not seem to be concerned about people knowing that I am kinky. When I am at a fetish event, of course I am not concerned! I am with my people. I refuse to act ashamed of myself around my people! I refuse to be uptight and yell at anyone who even has a camera that they’re not using. I am not going to shy away from vanilla folks who turn up to see what it’s all about, nor am I going to yell at others who are making a choice to bring a trusted friend into the fold.

I guess my point is this: Do be careful, because being found out as kinky can still ruin your life. But, don’t be paranoid and harsh on anyone who doesn’t seem ashamed enough of who they are for your taste. I know everyone is “out” to different degrees, but lets not be rude to folks who are new to the community at a munch or a party or a dungeon. Let’s try to help people explore when they are ready, and not push them when they are not. Lets try to be respectful and kind.