Polyamory Series: Conclusion


Over the last several weeks, I have been writing a series on polyamory. Here are the posts in order in case you want a single link to share with a friend:

1. The Introduction: This is about what polyamory is, but also about what it is not. I find that defining things is a really useful way to start out a discussion about them, and the introduction hits all the key points (in my opinion) so that an informed discussion can follow.

2. Not About Threesomes: Often new people will assume that we all go around having sex with each other. Of course, we don’t. Often poly people are only ever interested in having sex with one person at once. However, they enjoy having a variety of relationships because they can’t get what they need from only one relationship.

3. The Poly Community: This explains in a step-by-step way how many relationships are often involved in a poly community, and how important each of them is.

4. Poly and Kink: Not all Poly-amorous people are kinky, and not all kinky people are poly. However, there is a lot of overlap (which of course why a series about polyamory is on a kink blog in the first place.)


And then of course, we come to the conclusion.

I just want to remind everyone that Polyamory is really not something that people ever seem to choose. You just are, or you are not. So if you have always been curious and your partner can’t stand the thought of it, please don’t think that a little convincing is all they need. They probably just aren’t poly, and no amount of force can change that.


Polyamory Series: Resources


Welcome to the Polyamory Series. If you have not done so yet, please read the Introduction, and perhaps one or two of the previous posts as well.

There are a lot of misconceptions about polyamory, so reading the introduction is a good way to start out, before jumping into posts in the series.

Now then, on to the topic of he day: a collection of resources for poly-amorous people.


First up, The Ethical Slut is a lovely book about how sleeping around does not have to involve secrets and lies. In fact, it is more fun for everyone if it is all out in the open. I highly recommend picking up a copy and checking it out.

There is no related online community to pull worksheets and discussion topics from, but it is still a good book. I think anyone who is into sleeping around should check it out, even if they have no primary relationship and do not consider themselves to be poly.


Next, Opening Up.  While The Ethical Slut is more about sleeping around ethically, the focus of Opening Up is on having a solid primary relationship as an open couple. This is a good place to focus on, as many couples who are poly are also in one or two meaningful relationships at a time.

The author of Opening Up has an Online Community where you can volunteer for studies, get resources, and participate in discussions. If you don’t mind being a lab rat, this can be useful.


And my last book suggestion is More Than Two, which is a book that attempts to explain Polyamory for those who don’t know about it. This book also spawned an Online Community full of helpful resources for poly people.

If you are out and about in Poly communities, you will hear these books discussed ad nauseum, and everyone will tell you why one is better than the other. The truth is that different people need to hear different things, so buy all three and maybe a few more of the lesser known books, and slog through them all until you find the one that explains the parts that you need help with.

And remember, if you don’t want to buy anything, there are still load of folks like me out there who are blogging about this stuff and who are more than happy to answer questions if you need help. Part of the spirit of community is taking the time to talk to people who have questions, and I try to do my share (I get a lot of email and try to answer most of them politely and helpfully.)