Sensory Deprivation 101

I love this blindfold and will make my next submissive wear it!

Before I start, I’d like to remind you all that these are just techniques that I use, and they don’t necessarily work for everyone. I’m just here to give you ideas- but no one said I am right.

Quote: “Can you speak up- I don’t have my glasses on.” My friend said this to me, and as silly as it sounds, it made perfect sense to me. She was having trouble hearing me because she couldn’t see, and her body was freaking out and being confused. She felt helpless. That helpless feeling is a step in the right direction to putting someone into subspace.

First, let’s talk about blindfolding your partner. This can be difficult. It’s not always easy to find a blindfold that will fit your partner. However, there are many advantages to having someone unable to see. Sight is something we depend on a great deal. Without it, a submissive can’t always tell where I am, or what toy I am about to use on them. I find many submissives enjoy that feeling of suspense.

So what are some good things to do when a submissive can’t see you? I’ll be honest- I’m somewhat of a sadist. I like to hurt them in ways they didn’t see coming. It’s fun to hear someone gasp when they’ve just been bitten on the nipple completely unexpectedly. It’s fun to see someone squirm in pain when they’ve been spanked unexpectedly. Again, that’s just me.

You might choose to be more sensual with it. Feathers are good to tease people, as well as ice cubes, and knives. (Please use the dull side to avoid accidentally cutting your sub when they jump or get startled!)

In addition to blindfolds, there are lots of other ways to deny your partner the senses they depend on. I enjoy using a gag, because even if someone does not usually speak, there is a big difference between choosing not to speak and not being able to speak (taking away choices can be sexy). I’d like to caution people though: Non-verbal safe words are very important. Make sure you talk to your partner about a way for them to signal that they are unhappy (yellow light) and a way to signal that they want to end the scene (red light).

On that note, I am going to get up on a soap box for one minute because I had a conversation with someone that made me need to express this often and assertively: It is okay to use a safe word. It’s not a failure. It’s not being a bad sub. If you want me to stop, say so! I think all responsible Dominant-types are always perfectly happy to stop whatever they are doing immediately if their partner wishes it- no matter what. There should never be disappointment associated with using a safe word. It’s a learning experience and those are important.

Sorry. I’m climbing down off my soap box now. Back to tips and tricks for gagging your partner. Once you establish a non-verbal safe word such as the stiffening of the spine or the tapping on a foot on the ground, then you’re ready to gag your submissive. Some people really like to get creative with this. They like to use their sub’s underwear as a gag, or some other found object in a house. I personally use a ball gag, because I am lazy. Toys made for the purpose are easier than improvised toys, in my humble opinion. That is just a matter of personal taste.

For me, it’s much easier to play with verbal degradation when my sub is gagged. I feel like, even if they wouldn’t talk back while their mouth was unobstructed, it’s easier for me to tell them what a dirty little fuck-toy they look like while they are unable to respond. I also enjoy flogging more when my sub is gagged, because they can’t really scream properly. The same goes for pegging. It’s much more fun when they make those strangled, helpless noises through their nose because they can’t call out. (Also, the neighbors probably appreciate it.)

Obviously I’ve talked before about rope, and that is another good way to take some of your submissive’s freedom. Not letting them touch you (particularly when they are bound) can be very intense. It lets you be in control of every touch that happens between you. No matter how much they want to reach out for you, they can not.

Of course, you can combine these various things, and have fun with them in various ways. It’s a lot of fun to keep a submissive’s blindfold on the whole time they are at your house, for example. So, when they want to go pee, they will have to feel their way around while you watch and chuckle (but keep an eye on them!). You can even leave them gagged and blindfolded, only letting their hands and feet free. Feeding someone while they are blindfolded is interesting, too.

At any rate, remember that the bottom line is always safety. Never forget to be attentive to your sub and always check often that they are okay. Also remember that respect is key. Have respect for the people who are willing to submit to you, and treat them well.

Getting in the Mood

Being tied up can help people find their subspace.

When talking about BDSM, the thing that comes up the most (in my hearing) is people who want to be dominant needing help getting into the right mindset. Here are some ideas for small things that can make a big difference.

Take a walk: I find that something as simple as taking a walk is helpful. Walk by yourself, maybe listening to some music of your choosing. I like Hardcore Industrial, but it’s whatever floats your boat, you know? The point is to clear your head and focus on what you want to do in the scene. This is most useful when you and your partner have been hanging out as equals and it’s time to get into character.

Limit personal items in view: Choose the spot you will play, and put away clutter. This is useful in case of a struggle so nothing gets broken, for one thing. More important though, it helps to get in the right headspace. Seeing personal items around can pull you out of scene.

Blindfolds are awesome: If you’re afraid you don’t have the right scary face going on, blindfold your sub! This allows you to feel more confident and not worry about what they are seeing. In addition, it often makes your sub feel more helpless, and so can add to the scene in that way as well.

Knives: Personally, I have no interest in blood play. However, I have played with a lot of people who wanted to be scared. If you want to make someone genuinely afraid, knives help with that. Just the sound of a knife flicking open is terrifying and instantly recognizable (much like the sound of a gun cocking). To threaten your submissive with a knife with minimal worry about hurting them, have a bowl of ice water handy. Put the blade in the ice water until it is cold, and then drag the blunt side over their skin softly. The cold metal makes it feel like you are using the sharp side of the blade. When it’s cold enough, it feels like it is cutting. This is scary as hell.

Call-and-Response: This is when you make your submissive say things. I find that this helps get them in the right mindset. Of course you will ask them to answer you with things like “Yes Mistress” or “No Mistress.” (Or master) However, you can take it further and have them repeat anything you want. I like to make people thank me when I hit them and ask for more. Call and response can be something as simple as “What do you want more than anything?” To which your sub should answer “To please you, Mistress.” Teach your submissive to say things about how much they worship you and how much they want to please you. When they say them, it will help them get into their subspace.

My ideas might not work for everyone. These are just some tips.

Keep Quiet…

When my pet talks too much…

 

I’m doing a work shop on sensory deprivation next weekend. I am not sure what I should include in it, but I guess I’ll just go over the basics. Find a safe word that is non-verbal. Negotiate the scene in advance. Etc…

I’ll have to let you guys know how it goes. I think I am going to do a handout, and maybe I can post it here after the event…