They’re Tied Up: What now?

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Pre-Scene Ritual

So first, there are pre-scene things you should do. I have written about them before. They are things like discussing scene ideas with your partner, making a welcoming setting with music and toys laid out, and attending to personal grooming such as cutting finger nails and filing off the rough edges. Particularly when bringing in a new person who wasn’t into kink, I recommend a BDSM checklist as part of your pre-scene preparations.

Over time, these pre-scene things often become a ritual which helps you to get into the right head space for kink. Getting into the right head space is really important, so focus on making your pre-scene ritual a time when you gear up for what you want to do.

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Restraints

For most submissives, some sort of restraint is required to get them into their head space. So, you’ll want to consider your options. You can always go quick and dirt and tie someone up with gear ties. They are great on a budget and they are really effective. I use them a lot, because even after 20 years in the scene, I am not trying to be fancy.

That’s just me. You do you. But there is sometimes beauty in simplicity.

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If you want to put more effort into the restraints part, you can buy cuffs and clips and go that route. There are lots of different kinds of restraints if you are willing to spend the money. Spreader bars can be used between cuffs, as well as chains. And you can always clip the cuffs directly to one another if you feel like making your sub into a pretzel for a little while.

You might go all out and make or buy furniture to attach cuffs to. Spanking benches, stocks, and St. Andrew’s Crosses can all be fun. Of course, furniture can also be extremely pricey and take up a lot of space. It’s hard to hide from children, too. Because of this, furniture isn’t for everyone.

If you can’t have furniture at home, remember to look up local dungeons online. You may find that there is somewhere within driving distance where you can try out a sex swing, cross, or spanking bench.

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If you want to be really, really fancy, you can learn shibari and make tying your sub up a prominent part of the scene. This works fine all on its own, or it can be done in conjunction with installing hard points around the house to suspend your sub from or to tie them to.

Remember that shirabi can be dangerous and you can really hurt people if you do it wrong, so learn from competent professionals online or at your local dungeon.

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Scene Ideas: Orgasms

Once your sub is restrained in the method of your choosing, you can move on to other things. If your sub is a girl, I highly recommend that you start with orgasms. People can withstand a lot more pain if they are in a state of arousal. Personally, I am not lucky enough to be one of those girls that can get off from vibration. We’re all different and that is just my cross to bear. And, since fingers are too rough, I require direct clitoral stimulation with a tongue.

Some of my favorite scenes where I was the submissive started with a few orgasms from some very devoted boys who had talented tongues. God bless all the fabulous boys and girls who love to eat pussy. You are the real heroes.

If your girl is lucky enough to get off from vibration, you have options! There are lots of vibrators on the market. However, just skip them all and get the magic wand. I have played with a lot of girls, and I know that it’s a matter of force. The magic wand has the most force behind it, and therefore it does the best job. I know some men get hung up on big vibrators (“It’s bigger than my dick and I don’t like that.”) But just get over it because her orgasms aren’t about you.

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Remember: Unlike men, women only need a minute or two in between orgasms. So you only need to take a brief pause instead of a 20 minute rest.

If your sub is a boy, you don’t want to let him have an orgasm. Men cum, and then they wilt. It’s really boring. That doesn’t mean you can’t tease him. You can! But if you let him have an orgasm, that will probably require a long pause in the scene or be the end of it.

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Scene Ideas: Impact Play

There are lots of different things that you can use for impact play. Be creative if need be! A wooden spoon from the kitchen is a totally valid toy for impact play, as are books in place of paddles. If you are on a budget or if you are traveling, you can use anything.

I have some homemade toys, which were gifts from people (because DIY BDSM can be fun.) For example, I have a ping pong paddle given to us by friends. They covered it with a plastic material with the word “Pet” cut out of it, because that is what I call my husband. They also gave us a homemade whip which is from a material that looks like faux alligator skin.

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I go for simple with restraints. I like gear ties. However, when it comes to impact play, I love my whips and floggers. I think for me, the look of the toys themselves is one of my fetishes. I love the way a flogger looks draped over a chair. I love the way it looks being slowly dragged across someone’s skin. I love the way it looks flying through the air. They are beautiful toys, and from the first time I saw my first flogger, I have been totally hooked.

Remember that with whips and floggers, a steady pace and a figure eight motion is best. Start slow and gradually build intensity over time. With paddles you can also build intensity, or you can go hard and take breaks in between.

The key is really to watch your sub. I had a girl who wanted me to straight-out beat on her for as long as I could with a flogger. The harder, the better. I hit her until my arms were sore and she begged for more. However, some subs are more into the suspense than the actual pain. For them, you want to pause a lot to let them absorb the fact that they are restrained and being hit, and let them enjoy it. It’s often more the idea than the pain, so keep that in mind.

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Scene Ideas: Pushing Your Sub

You also want to do things to push the limits of your submissive. This can mean face-fucking them until they cry. It can mean tightening the nipple clamps until they scream. It can mean working your way from inserting a finger to inserting your entire fist. Get a violet wand and electrocute them in various sensitive areas.

Your goal as a Dominant is to put your submissive into sub space. The restraints are a good start, and so are all the other toys and play. But in the end, you are probably going to need to push their limits in some way in order to really push them into the head space that they want to see.

Remember: You should never push them beyond the boundaries that you have agreed on in your scene negotiations. If they say “no fisting” then you don’t do it. 

However, within the boundaries that your sub has set, it is good to push them as much as you can so that they feel properly abused.

This can mean different things to different people, so you may want to Google and go through lists with your sub and talk about new and different ideas.

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Scene Ideas: Untie Your Sub

Of course the stereotype for BDSM is tying people up and hitting them. It’s what they write about in all the books. However, anything at all can be kinky if you do it in a kinky head space. You may untie your sub and tell them to serve you a glass of lemonade because you need a break. As long as they get the glass, pour the lemonade, and present it to you in the mindset of a sub, it’s still part of the scene. In fact, service-oriented subs often love the chance to make you a sandwich, pour you a drink, serve you your food, and then rub your feet while you eat.

Don’t be bound by the restraints. I know it’s easy to get that way if you learned about kink from popular culture. However, kink is a mindset. Anything at all can be kinky if you make it that way.

Order your sub to kneel for you so you can use them as a foot stool while you watch TV. Order them to rub your feet. Order them to do the helicopter with their penis if they are a boy, or to bounce their boobs for you if they are a girl. Whatever you can think of that would be degrading to them can be fun.

Some people prefer to call this “training,” (as in teaching your sub how to crawl around.) I think this has been built up a lot in books, but it’s not everyone’s fantasy. Personally, I find it to be cumbersome and not as interesting as watching a girl cum over and over or watching a boy squirm while I hit him. However, some subs read a lot of Anne Rice and really want to be “trained.” So, that is another “off leash” activity, if you will pardon the borrowing of a dog-training expression.

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Scene Ideas: Talk

Remember that falling into silence is often the mark of a lazy Dom. Most subs prefer you to talk to them. For example, if you are torturing them by stretching them wide open, maybe narrate as you do.

“Oh look, now I have three fingers in your tight little pussy. I bet you like that, you little slut. And now we’re up to four fingers. Do you like that? Oooo, now I have my whole fist inside of you. I bet you love being stretched open like the whore that you are.”

That kind of thing can help to  make a sub feel like they are being included in the scene. Sometimes a sub can disassociate and disengage (so it’s almost like everything is happening to someone else.) Talking to them keeps them with you in the scene, and forces them to confront the things that are happening to them. That can help push them into sub space more quickly.

Now of course, check with your sub about this. Not all of them like to be talked to. Some prefer to disengage from a scene and just let things happen to them. This is why BDSM is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing where you can use the same moves on everyone. Each person will have different preferences, and part of the fun of kink is learning the ways that new people want to be tortured.

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After Care

The most important part is After Care. Make sure that you cuddle your sub after each scene. Let them come down from the endorphins.

Once they are calm, it’s always a good idea to talk though the scene and see how they felt about various parts of it. If they felt really excited by the violet wand, but really turned off by the animal-tail butt plug, you want to know that for next time.

A lot of times I run into guys on fetlife.com or on dating websites who want to just play one scene or just have a one-night stand. This is antithetical to everything kink, in my opinion. A good kink relationship involves getting to know someone and learning to know them. A sub has to get to know me to know the right way to get me off. A have to know them to know the right way to hit them. It all takes time, and learning and negotiating is part of the fun.

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Fetish Series: Bondage

Wife ties up husband in bed, so she can have a good sleep

 

I am going to start with the joke that isn’t funny (above). Do not ever restrain your partner and then leave them, unless this is a pre-arranged situation and they have an abandonment fetish. Even then, you need to be close by to monitor the situation in case there is a fire, the house is broken into, a swam of bees gets in the house, etc…

Seriously, it’s not funny to handcuff your partner to the bed and then leave. I see this all the time in TV/movies/cartoons/culture presented as a hilarious joke, but it’s really not amusing, okay?

BDSM motto: “Safe, sane, and consensual.”

Period.

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Now again, every vanilla person has handcuffed a sexual partner at some point. So like all things, there is a gradient of kink here. Handcuffs really aren’t very kinky, because kink is about sexual taboo, and about things outside of the normal.

So what else is there?

Well first, I recommend anyone even considering cuffs use leather instead of metal. This is because they won’t cause permanent damage to a submissive or the furniture. It’s just a better way to go.

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You can use a series of leather cuffs to bind a person, and it is a quick and easy way to ensure that they are unable to move. Wrist and ankle cuffs are the most common, but obviously you can get them in various sizes, and with various lengths of chain/straps to connect them.

This isn’t necessarily an elegant way to bind someone, but it is easy to get in and out of, and it doesn’t require a significant commitment of time or effort.

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Probably the most beautiful and elegant way to bind someone is shibari, or Japanese rope bondage. This is a skill that takes practice, and it is definitely fancy enough to be considered an art form.

Because any kind of rope bondage can be dangerous (cutting off circulation to limbs can cause permanent damage) I recommend learning from people who really know what they are doing. Both the Knotty Boys and Twisted Monk offer wonderful video tutorials.

People who become very skilled in this art will sometimes also do rope suspensions from hard points in the ceiling. However, again, this takes a lot of practice and is not for beginners.

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One way to learn things like Shibari and suspensions is through your community, so make sure to check your local resources. Some cities have awesome public dungeons that you can visit like the CSPC (which contains a learning annex), and even small towns have members on Fetlife.com who can help you find a workshop to go to.

Remember, don’t be shy. Use the local resources in your community to learn about BDSM safely! I know that at first you might feel nervous about it, but do it anyway.

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If you would rather, there are body suits you can buy for bondage. Some are leather, and some are latex. Both are very popular, and indeed, some people have fetishes just based around the wearing of leather/latex.

However, if the material doesn’t matter to you, then you can simulate the same kind of thing with plastic wrap. It is cheap, but very restrictive.  I would ask that you be careful to ensure that your submissive has plenty of circulation to all body parts, and also that you make sure to have a cutting tool on hand.

As long as you keep those things in mind, it’s a fun option for full-body bondage.

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There is all kinds of furniture designed for bondage. Above is a spanking bench, but there are also stockades, spanking poles, and all kinds of other options.

Making your own is typically cheaper, as it is rare that you can find such things for purchase, and when you do the price is typically steep.

So, you might want to take a basic carpentry class is furniture is your thing. It will save you money/effort in the long run, and carpentry is an easy and fun hobby.

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Perhaps also in the category of furniture is cages. You can typically find these for purchase because cages are used for dogs, and also for larger animals in zoos. Specialty pet stores will often have fancy options, and also your basic kennels available.

However, you can also weld your own, or purchase some that are specifically intended for kink. My friend Steve Haworth happens to do this, and makes very cool round cages that come in two parts which fit together.

In any case, cages are another form of bondage that you may be interested in.

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Gags are also a popular form of bondage. Remember, if you use them, you will need a non-verbal safe word of some kind. Please decide this before play.

There are several kinds of gags. I am going to go ahead and say that ball gags are only for looks. They are way too easy for a bratty sub to spit out. If you like the look, I won’t fault you.

However, if you actually want to gag someone and have them stay gagged, I recommend a spider gag. They also look cool, and no sub is spitting those out!

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This all seems very elaborate, and maybe some people feel that such elaborate apparatus are going “over the top.” I would remind you that all these things can be fun if you are willing to give them a try, but that it’s perfectly fine if you are lazy like me and typically just bind someone with gear ties. (Yes, I really do.) Bondage can be fancy and it is often beautiful when it is. But of course, it doesn’t have to be.

Remember there are often a thousand ways to do something, and they can all be fun.

Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay!

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Some Equipment Required

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There are a few things I don’t write about much because I don’t do them. I am what you would call a minimalist kinkster. I will enjoy BDSM furniture in a dungeon, but I don’t keep a special room for it in my house. I will play with more labor-intensive toys at a tasting or play party, but I don’t keep things like that at home. It’s not out of prejudice or anything like it- just being lazy and trying to keep things simple.

However, here is a post about the complicated kinky stuff.

Above you can see an example of cupping, which was originally a type of medical practice in the East. Many kinky folk enjoy this, but it does require buying and storing equipment, so many of us shy from it for that reason.

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Speaking of equipment, Violet Wands and Tens Units are also medical devices that have become popular in kink. I am not fond of electricity, but my husband adores the feeling of being shocked, and many people do. There are lots of kinksters who have one of these in their closet.

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Another popular kink is Wax Play. You don’t need to have a warmer (pictured above,) but they certainly help. Of course, lost of people just buy Paraffin Wax candles, light them, and drip them on their partner. Wax play can be used to create beautiful designs, and although it is a bit messy, it can be very pretty.

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Many kinks can create lovely designs, but none is as beautiful as rope play like Japanese Shibari. I have said before that I tend to use cuffs or gear ties to bind people because these options are quick and easy. However, if you have the patience, rope bondage is an art form.

If you are interested, I recommend some of the how-to videos that Twisted Monk has to offer. It’s a wonderful skill to learn and it goes over very well at play parties.

And remember, everyone has different kinks. Try not to judge others when they have different interests than you.

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A Letter of Reference

Palace in South Korea

Palace in South Korea

Disclaimer: If we’ve been lovers then maybe don’t read this. Or if you do, don’t get offended. I mean no offense, and this isn’t about you.

I said I’d write an ex a letter of reference. Laugh if you want, but he’s still a good friend and he thought it might help him with ladies he tries to date in the future. Writing this is going to make me wish we were still dating and that I was still in Portland, Oregon. But I guess I’ll do it anyway.

I met him while he was stationed in South Korea in the Army. We went for drinks, which turned into dinner, which tuned into smoking hooka. Eventually I asked him if he wanted to come home with me.

So I brought him home. Our first time having sex was intense. I could feel him trying to figure me out. He tried a lot of interesting things and I liked all of them.

Korean Flag

Korean Flag

Over time though (I guess it took him a few weeks) he had it down to an exact science. He could get me off in 10 minutes or less, and always made it a point to do so before any penetrative sex happened. And ladies, that is the mark of a good guy. If he focuses on figuring out how to please you right off the bat, and then always makes sure you cum before him; he’s a keeper.

I had a rocket scientist who did the same thing, and I have to say, it is amazing what I will put up with from a guy who can make me cum. Seriously, looking back I know he was kind of a prick to me. But the sex… well… I would have done anything to keep having it.

Anyway my point is, Dante (as he goes by lately) is one of those guys who is just really selfless and fun in bed. And if he doesn’t know how to do what you like, he’ll learn. I was into kinky stuff and he wasn’t, so he went right out and bought rope and learned shibari without a thought or complaint. He was very motivated to make sure that he could do anything I wanted done to me. And he watched videos on flogging and other kink things so as not to be one of those annoying guys that goes “Well what do you WANT? And how do I DO all those things?”

Example of shibari

Example of shibari

I never had to explain a thing. I didn’t have to teach him to use a flogger, or show him how to make me cum, or anything the hell else. He figured it all out on his own, and did a damn good job of it.

So guys, take note; this is exactly how you please a woman. If you’re not behaving like this, then you should.

And girls, pay attention: I can’t give anyone a higher recommendation than I’m willing to give Dante. Seriously. The man is a god in bed. I don’t keep track, but I’ve had sex with somewhere around 200 people and Dante is in the top 5. When I say something is good, take in account that my pool of comparison is large.

Most sex I have is nice, but unfulfilling unless I get myself off. No offense to those I’ve slept with who were good but not god status. Cuz, sex is like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still good. It’s better than NO pizza. And it still fulfills the need for touch and companionship and all that stuff. Orgasms are a bonus for us girls, as the oxytocin (bonding hormone) from just having sex is wonderful for us.

And let’s be honest, there just aren’t a lot of guys out there who focus on pleasing their partners above all else. Most people are selfish, because that is normal.

Anyway, I’d like to ask that no one take offense to this post. If I’ve had sex with you more than once, then obviously I like it. And not everyone can be a sex god, okay?

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Flogger

 

What is a play party?

It's not really related, but here is a penis lizard from Samcheok because it made me laugh- so maybe you'll laugh too.

It’s not really related, but here is a penis lizard from Samcheok because it made me laugh- so maybe you’ll laugh too.

I’m planing a play party, and a lot of people have asked me what that entails. I feel like I have come at how to explain it from every angle, and it’s actually really hard to describe since they are different with every organizer. I thought I should write a post about how I like to do things, just as an example for people.

So first thing’s first, a play party is typically where people bring their toys and let people try them, do show-and-tell, or in some way trade information and ideas.

I happen to know a guy who does amazing shibari and has a suspension rig, so all the play parties since I have met him have involved everyone that wants to getting a chance to get suspended. It’s really awesome.

Typically, I try to make my friends that do cool stuff teach what they know. So, if they’re good with rope, they’ll teach some knots. If they’re good at planing scenes, they’ll talk about that. I had one friend who was just amazing at fire play, and that was always fun to watch. Etc…

I also tend to work with people who will be presenting to create a hand-out, because it seems to me that people are less nervous when they get a piece of paper. I guess it makes it seem more official and less like a bunch of creepy kids doing sexual things in a sweaty room.

Everyone always assumes I am trying to set up on orgy when I first invite them to a party. I am never trying to do that. I have only ever had one orgy, and it wasn’t all that great. I prefer one or two people max- because otherwise I get distracted. But never mind that.

The point is- how does one learn about BDSM? Maybe they read blogs and go to reddit.com and watch videos online. That’s cool. But what happens when that’s not enough any more?  What happens when a person wants to actually see and try things? Well, that’s what a play party is for. I’m not going to claim that I know everything. No one should. Everyone you meet has something that they can teach you. I guess the idea behind a play party is to meet with others in the community and see what they can teach you.

I do demonstrations sometimes, but honestly, I prefer to let other people take the lead. If there is one characteristic of the community that makes me nuts, it’s the way everyone kind of seems to think their way is best. I don’t think my way is best. I think my way is how I do things, and I am happy to let other people do things the way they like. As such, I am always more interested to hear what others have to say.

When I do teach, I tend to give tips on scene negotiation since that is what I am best at. Having worked in a dungeon, I’ve had to talk to people in a frank and blunt way about what they want out of a scene, and then make it happen with the least amount of weird possible (since it was generally with someone I didn’t really know.) That mostly involves asking what they feel the most drawn to in kink, and then building a scene around it.

For example, I had a guy come to me once who was nervous as hell (as they mostly are) and he said he always wanted to be walked like a dog. So then I had to expand on that. That means follow up questions like: Will we play fetch? Shall I pet you and tell you that you are a good dog? Perhaps you would rather I beat you and tell you that you are a bad dog?

When you ask people these types of questions about a fetish they have repressed for a long time, they react in all sorts of unpredictable ways. Some of them giggle nervously and blush. Some get angry out of nowhere. Some are quickly offended because they are expecting judgement. You can never be sure what someone will say when talking about sex. It seems it is the hardest topic to talk about.

So when I do a workshop, I generally focus on talking with people about the idea that sex is not sinful or bad, and about how it’s okay to be frank about what you want. If you want someone to spank you, you have to ask.

I guess my most-used line would be: Those words inside your head? I can’t hear those!

With all that said; a play party will be different with every different person who sets it up. I have been to some where everyone was encouraged to be naked and they all flirted. I have been to some where people had sex in a semi-public setting. I have been to some where people played board games with their clothes on and talked about BDSM eventually- but not much.

The best way to be sure of what you are getting into is to ask. Some good questions to ask an organizer might be:

1. Should I bring toys?
2. Should I plan to take any items of clothing off/ or do people tend to get naked at these parties?
3. Is it mostly couples or single people?
4. What kind of activities can I expect?
5. What kind of clothes will people wear (BDSM or vanilla)?

Of course you should remember that in all settings, pictures are a big no-no. I have never met a group that was okay with cameras. We all have lives and jobs. We have families and/or kids. We can’t run the risk of pictures getting out of us in vinyl or leather at some fetish event.

One last thing I want to mention about play parties: I have set up more than I can count or remember. However, I obviously have never been able to take pictures at an event. That makes it hard when I move, because I have to start all over again with a new crowd of people and build up trust. This drives home an important point: There is no shortcut to trust. In the community we are all a little paranoid so be patient with people. None of us wants to be exposed as kinky without our permission.

Worth Remembering

A really good memory

 

I got a request to write about some of the really good experiences I have had in the BDSM community over the years. There are a lot to choose from- of course. But it seems my favorites are the ones that I had with people just coming into the community.

I think I am somewhat indifferent to life. I don’t mean to be- and we don’t need to worry about why. However, life just kind of goes by for me, and I exist in it somewhat happily and without a lot of thought. The exception is when something make s a huge impression on someone I am with. That helps me make a memory.

So here is an example. This is a boy I played with a few years ago. He was new to the community and he hadn’t really gotten to know anyone yet. Some people who are like that are shy and hard to pull information out of. This boy was not, so I’ll call him Mr. Adventurous.

I brought up rope one week. He identified as a switch, and I told him that if he wanted to be a good Dom he should look into shibari. After all, rope play is a way to take a scene slowly, and show care and concern for your submissive while making something beautiful at the same time. It’s very elegant and sexy. I explained that to Mr. Adventurous.

The next week, he turned up with a ton of rope (see picture above) and showed me how he had learned several different types of knots and a few cool wrap methods like a basket weave. He had watched Youtube videos and practiced on himself! Yes, that’s right. I said he practiced on himself. He sat there all week fascinated with the idea of rope play, and tried various ties on his legs. How cool is that? He even researched online to find good places to buy rope for bondage and ordered some. (A good place for that, by the way, is Twisted Monk).

I have to admit, there’s nothing like a brilliant guy who can obsess over something until he gets it right. He was so excited to try rope play that it made me excited about it- and I usually don’t have the patience for such an elaborate and time-consuming craft.

I have brought a lot of people into the community over the years. Yes, that’s mostly because I like to p lay with younger men and women. I only feel as young as the person who polishes my boots, after all.  But of all the people I have ever introduced to the community, this man was the very best and most impressive. I have never met anyone more eager to learn and more excited to try new fun stuff.

So the moral of this story is: If you want to get into the community, remember to try to seek out new experiences.  Don’t wait for someone to explain every little thing to you! Do your own research and ask questions and give new things a try!  Life is way more fun when you go out and grab it, instead of waiting for it to come to you.

Memories

This week I stayed home and hung out with Mr. Knight. It didn’t seem worth the effort to go hunt down the boys, since the sex just isn’t exciting to me. The problem with spending too much time in the kink community is, it ruins you for vanilla sex. Don’t get me wrong- now and again I have had some vanilla sex that was pretty good and made me happy. It does happen. However, for the most part, it’s not as exciting as it should be.

I am a Switch, though I tend to be a Domme. What that means is, I tend to take charge of a situation, but in rare cases, I can submit to people that I deem worthy. So this week while I was watching Sherlock Holmes and drinking with Mr. Knight, I let my mind wander back to better sex and wonder about how to find someone new to play with so that I can sate the monster inside.

My favorite play partner in a long time, I shall call Mr. Bond. His job was in Military Intelligence, and we’ll leave it at that. It’s just that a spy named seemed appropriate since he really did join hoping to be James Bond. (Not that it worked out that way or anything, but you know; the thought was there.)

Mr. Bond was only twenty one when I met him, but brilliant. He solved puzzles incredibly quickly and managed to also have a good social IQ, which I find to be a very impressive combination of skills. More importantly, he had the quality I need in a Dom. He was the kind of person who focused completely on his partner while having sex. He was selfless, considerate, and able to pick up on the slightest change in breathing or movement of a limb- then extrapolate the meaning behind it. In other words, he could read my mind.

Oh course, one does not need to read my mind. I speak. I am very vocal about what I want in bed and everywhere else. However, the ability to read a lover’s mind is still really important in BDSM. What if they are tied up and gagged? You need to still be able to evaluate their responses so you can make sure they aren’t having a bad experience. I can do this, and I only submit to others who can do it too.

I can not tell you how much fun Mr. Bond was. He learned Shibari just because I asked him to. And, because he’s a genius at puzzles, he learned a bunch of knots in a single week. He came over one weekend and I mentioned that I’d like him to check it out to tie me up with. The following weekend he brought several lengths of silk rope over and showed me all the cool knots he’d learned. I guess he practiced by tying himself and things in his barracks up. I have never been more impressed with anyone in a BDSM sense than I was with Mr. Bond just then.

Because I grew up on the streets, I am often accused of being somewhat heartless and cold. I grew a tough exterior out of self-defense, but it has remained in place and it serves me well as a Domme. I tend to control a situation out of instinct, because in the past, things left to chance went very badly for me. I don’t know if it’s a flaw or not, but it’s very hard for me to drop the shell and be anything but a strong, powerful woman. To do it, I must be very impressed by the person I am with. That is a rare thing, and Mr. Bond is one of only two people I have ever submitted to. He was impressive enough that I found it very easy to fall at his feet.

Sadly, Mr. Bond left recently. Such is the nature of the military. They do not stick around long. Since then I have been trying to hunt up fun play partners, but even though I am looking through fetlife, I can’t seem to find anyone very kinky. Well, I guess Mr. Nice Guy is kinky… but I just can’t bring myself to beat him. And Mr. Uptight is on fetlife, but I can’t figure out why since he doesn’t seem kinky at all. I’ve tried to talk about it with him (and write extensive e-mails about it since he doesn’t seem okay with talking in person) but thus far, I can’t really get much out of him. Some people are so hard to talk to!

I will write a post some time about talking to your kinky partner. Scene negotiation is super-hard sometimes, because people are often embarrassed or have trouble talking about what they want. Getting them to talk is the key to having fun, so I have several methods I use to try to force people to communicate. I’ll devote a whole post to it soon.

For now, I guess I’ll just chill out and patiently wait until the Physicist gets here, because he sounds interesting.