Flogging Tips


Not too long ago I found myself in a room with a girl and a boy who wanted to play BDSM. I suggested starting with a flogger because it is a good beginner toy (they are pretty soft and don’t do a lot of damage for the most part.)

I should have given instructions to the girl before I handed her my flogger, but I guess I forget that using a flogger isn’t an automatic motion for some people.

The trick is to figure out how to move only your wrist, so as not to wear yourself out. It’s a simple figure-eight motion, and it doesn’t take a whole body worth of force (though later after you have warmed someone up, maybe you want to throw your whole body into something.)

You start out with soft, even strokes on one side and then the other, in a rhythm. Little by little, you build up how much force you use. So, as you swing the flogger and connect, each time is just a big harder than the last.

You shouldn’t grab the ends and snap a flogger at first. You can build up to that if your sub has agreed to something like that. But most subs who like floggers have told me that they like them because it’s more about sensation than about pain. If you snap them, then it hurts much more. Also, if you do it with the right kind of flogger, you can break skin.

I am not saying it’s always bad to break skin, by the way. Some people like that. However, the amount of people who like it is very small, and therefore it’s not something that you want to do without talking about it in detail with your sub first. Remember to cover such things in scene negotiation before you play!

For me personally, I will not break skin or leave marks without making sure I have a signed consent form. I may have broken this rule with one of two relationships I have had with men, but I never break it with women because some accusations can ruin your life.

Anyway the point is; this girl I was with just started flailing the flogger around wildly, with no control at all. She missed the guy entirely once or twice and hit the walls instead. Then, in an attempt to control the flogger, she started grabbing the ends of the tails to snap it. That, of course, resulted in an angry submissive who wasn’t okay with such intense pain; particularly when it came with no warm up at all.

I took the flogger from her and tried to show her what she was doing wrong, but maybe that is something best practiced in private on a pillow, before trying to hit a real person. I learned to handle a flogger so long ago that I honestly can’t remember if I started on a person or not. I would guess not though, since I know my first encounter with a flogger was at Madam Tracy’s, and I assume she would have had me practice the figure-eight motion before there was a submissive in the room.

The point is; always talk first with the person who plans to get hit about what their expectations are. If they say that they do not know, it is best to give them a simple system of green-for-go, yellow-for-uncomfortable, and red-for-stop. Then start with a figure-eight motion and hit them softly, allowing the sensation of the flogger to be all that they feel. Slowly build to hitting harder and harder, so that it will start to sting over time. Vary where you hit, so as not to just attack one spot over and over. And of course, don’t snap it unless you know they are okay with possible permanent damage to their skin.

Note: Some people like to use two floggers at once. It’s the same idea; just with two hands. This requires more space, and I would suggest mastering the art of a single flogger before you try to duel-wield


An Island Adventure

Coconut trees above the charming little bar on the beach in Koh Samui.

Coconut trees above the charming little bar on the beach in Koh Samui.

I met this girl in Korea who was nervous about sleeping with a girl because she was from a Muslim country and had been taught that such things were wrong. I was all kinds of into her, but she was not ready to play with me.

However, she agreed to meet me in Thailand on an island called Koh Samui. I flew there from Bangkok, and we met up. She’s a fun, adventurous, amazing girl and I was super-excited to have a weekend at the beach with her.

We did the things you do on an island, like swim hand-in-hand in the ocean and lay around on the beach. We went to a dance club too, which is not the sort of place I belong, but I had a good time.

And then we went back to my awesome spider-themed hotel room…

The Loft at Koh Samui has cool spiders everywhere!

The Loft at Koh Samui has cool spiders everywhere!

Somewhat drunk, we stumbled into the hotel room late at night. She crawled into bed with me and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, until she kissed me. Her lips were full and soft, and I was immediately turned on. She pressed against me and wrapped her legs around mine, squeezing with her thighs. She started to grind against me, and as I kissed her and moved against her, she whispered “I want you to bite me as hard as you can.”

I bit her neck and her breasts, and she shivered against me in the most amazing way. She started to make these adorable gasping noises as I bit lower and lower. Then I began to lick her. As I did so, I slipped my fingers inside her and rubbed her g-spot. I saw her press a pillow over her face then, as though she didn’t want to wake the neighbors.

Suddenly, her whole body convulsed and as she came  and she wrapped herself around me in this amazing way. She whispered sweet things to me in her accented English. She said “You fuck me so good I had to bite the pillow!” Then she thought for awhile and said “I’m glad I decide to fuck my first girl, and I’m glad it was you.” I giggled and held her while she fell asleep.

It wasn’t all that kinky (though she had some very big bruises from the biting in the morning.) But it’s always fun to be a girl’s first girl. They’re so impressed with the feel of a soft face pressing against their own soft face, and breasts pressing against breasts… so many new and wonderful things!

I left Thailand the next day, but it was the prefect end to a very nice trip in a very beautiful country.

The harbor on Koh Samui.

The harbor on Koh Samui.