Fetish Series: Impact Play



Impact play is another umbrella of things. It can be as innocent as a bare hand spanking, or as intense as a flogging with barbed wire.


Note: I want to reiterate that I am in no way saying that leaving permanent marks is wrong. However, I do feel that extra checking in is important when permanent marks are possible/expected. I have certainly had folks in the community tell me that I need to stop pushing my conservative agenda and shut up, because if someone wants to let their Dom pierce/tattoo/scar them, it’s none of my business.

I get that attitude. And yet, I think that if we are to claim that we are responsible as a community, then we should always make sure that a person who is going to have permanent marks is in a healthy state mentally, and that they understand what they are agreeing to.

Some impact play can leave permanent marks, so like with all things that can, I want to implore you to make sure that all parties understand what they are consenting to. Then, by all means, bring on the whips made of barbed wire if that’s what you want to do.


Now then, impact play can be something as innocent as a bare-handed spanking. I think most vanilla couples have tried that. It’s a fairly tame thing to do. As we always talk about, aim for the fatty areas and try to hit straight-on.

However, we can involve toys too. Here are some popular toys for impact play (by no means a complete list):


*Seriously, you can hit someone with anything. These are just a few common toys.


Each category of toy can be broken down farther. For example, with paddles, there are a lot of different kids. Some are wooden and light, which will cause a stinking pain and be more likely to break skin. Some are wooden, but very thick and heavy. This is more about the sensation of the impact, and about feeling your body move with each blow.


Then, some paddles are made of leather. They can be decorated with rivets like the one pictured above, or left plain. Again, how they will feel when used is a function of how long and wide they are, as well as how thick.



Regardless of what you use, the goal with impact play is generally to start out slow and soft; almost teasing. Then, slowly build to a more intense sensation. So when I am going to beat my sub with a riding crop, maybe I will start but just running it along his skin and letting him see it. Then I might start with a few soft swats in key areas. As things get going, then I will start to hit harder and more frequently.

This is not how everyone does it. You can do whatever you want. However, the general wisdom is that it is more pleasant for the sub if you build up to the harder hits, instead of starting out whacking them as hard as you can.

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Obviously most of us want to avoid permanent damage. That means sticking to fatty areas and not hitting nerve clusters. There are plenty of diagrams and charts on the internet, so remember to have a look at one before using a new toy, just to be safe.

Remember to check with your partner beforehand. You may have made a flogger out of computer chords which you are very proud of, but your partner might not be interested in having it used on them (plastic chords can do a lot of damage, after all.)

It’s fine to use household items to enhance your kink. Just be aware of what the items can do, and get consent from the person they will be used on.


I know one item that can be a touchy subject is a wooden spoon. Within a certain generation, it seems pretty much all kids were beaten by their mothers with wooden spoons. This can still be a touchy issue, as can any abuse suffered in childhood. So, again, try to be aware of your submissive’s state of mind at all times, and make sure that they are okay.

And remember, just because you draw the line at a little light flogger, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone to enjoy being covered with welts from a caning. Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.


Spanking Tips

My paddle

My paddle

It was brought to my attention during a recent weekend trip that I need to go over some basics.

Today I will go over the basics of spankings.

Now of course, you can do whatever it is that you prefer and my advice is meant only as advice, and nothing more. I just want to give you some tips, and you can take them or leave them.

First, remember that as a good Dom, everything you do must be done with your submissive in mind. You do not want them to have a bad experience. So when you are planing a scene, you should look at it from their point of view.

I have no idea what situation you will have your submissive in when you decide to spank them. Perhaps they will be over your knee, bent over a couch, or bound and gagged. The situation isn’t important.

What is important is not to go nuts right away. Start light, to learn what your submissive can tolerate. Perhaps caress them a little, smack them lightly at first, and see how they react. You don’t want to start with a hard smack, because this will immediately put them into a defensive and uncomfortable mindset.

I tend to start with a few light taps, and slowly build into harder and harder hits. I try to vary where I hit my submissive, so I don’t make one spot too raw too quickly.

As you get to know a submissive better, you can learn more about what they enjoy. After a scene, perhaps your sub will tell you that you hit them too hard and they didn’t like it. Maybe they’ll say they like it harder. Maybe they’ll challenge you to leave them black and blue and unable to sit down. That has happened to me.

Just remember that it’s always polite to start out slow and build up over time. And don’t forget aftercare! If you’re into S&M, you need to learn to talk about sex. That’s just the way it is. You can do it laying together, sitting down over tea, or however is most comfortable for you. Just make sure to get feedback.