Shopping Suggestions

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Obviously I always suggest that you think globally but shop locally. However, that’s not something you can do often with kink (to my dismay.) Of course sometimes you know a great leather guy who does custom work, or something of the sort. But mostly, we have to order our toys online.

The question then becomes: Where to shop?

Of course you can always go to amazon.com, and hilariously, sometimes you’ll find a good deal.

However, let’s talk about some more targeted shopping.

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I have always had a soft spot for stockroom.com because they were willing to ship to me when I lived in South Korea.

Sex shops in Korea are very overpriced and have almost no selection.

Therefore, Stockroom.com saved me, and I will always be grateful.

Their stuff is definitely more targeted towards man-on-man action, but there are some awesome toys on there.

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My friend suggests Ethical Kink as a good resource.

They have synthetic leather and synthetic hair options, for those who don’t want to use animal products.

I admit that I can’t give up the smell of real leather.

However, I am totally happy to use fake hair on my tail butt plugs, since it lasts longer and doesn’t absorb bacteria.

So, check them out.

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For rope, you can’t do better than Twisted Monk.

These guys are awesome, and even include helpful videos on how to do various ties.

You could absolutely have an entire workshop based around everyone buying some rope from Twisted Monk and then following along with their videos.

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For crazy-classy collars, Eternity Locking Metal Collars is the most elegant thing you can find.

They are gorgeous, and having owned one, they are also easy to use and very functional. I highly recommend them.

They are not for play, of course. But for everyday kink wear that fits into a vanilla world, these collars are a beautiful option.

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There are also all kinds of suggestions online for where to shop, and I think that is a wise way to go.

Always go through someone who is recommended to you instead of a random website; just to be safe.

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Minimalist Kink

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I have said before that I don’t have a dungeon room in my house. I love visiting dungeons, but at home I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to kink. I think bending someone over a couch is every bit as good as a spanking bench, and tying someone to the back side of a couch is perfectly effective as well.

Of course, some people think the kink furniture really adds to the effect. That’s great too!

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In addition to using perfectly normal items like a couch for kinky purposes, you can also re-purpose everyday items as toys. Of course it’s wonderful to have a custom collar made for your submissive. And I have written about different collar options before. However, if you’re on a budget, there’s no reason not to pick up a dog collar at the pet store. You don’t need fancy things to be kinky unless it helps your mindset. Meanwhile, if you already have the mindset, anything at all can be kinky.


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Paper clips can be used as nipple clamps. I suppose they can actually be more painful than the clamps you buy at stockroom.com. They may not look fancy, but they certainly get the job done.

Finally, many people spend thousands on professional BDSM furniture. That’s okay if you can afford it and if you have room for it. However, if you want to make a simple suspension rig, Home Depot can provide everything you need. My friend made a rig out of pipe, and uses it frequently to suspend people. Best of all, it can be broken down and stored so that it’s out of the way (in case you have kids, vanilla friends, etc…)

So no matter what you’re kink is, remember that being creative is always an option.

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Flogging in Detail

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Recently I was asked for more detailed information about flogging than what was in my overview post. So, let’s go into more detail.

First, you must realize that there are several different lengths of floggers available. A good place to buy them is stockroom.com. You don’t want to go too short or too long as a beginner. I would suggest something around 18″ to 24″ tails at the start, because they are easiest to manage.

Also, since a beginner might not be able to help hitting less desirable spots to start, I would recommend suede over leather. Leather can cut skin, whereas suede produces a wonderful sound and feel, but is very unlikely to leave lasting damage. Also note, you do not want braided tails at first, nor do you want tipped tails. Again, these things are more painful for your submissive (which every pain slut will enjoy,) but are also more dangerous in untrained hands. So it’s best to start with a simple soft suede.

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(Note: Above is an example of tipped tails.)

Now, the motion is always described as a figure eight. What that means is that you will go up to make the top of the eight, and strike as you cross over to begin the lower part of the eight. This is the strongest part of the swing. The figure eight motion allows for more control, and it also allows you to build up more momentum so that the flogger will make those wonderful sounds.

It is very true that in porn (like on kink.com) they do not use a figure eight motion, but instead swing randomly. To that I would say: lesbian porn is full of made-up straight girls shoving 2 inch nails into another girl’s vagina, and that is not realistic either. If you don’t believe me, please see actual lesbians watching lesbian porn.

So again, use a figure eight motion in the air, because this helps to give you more control on where you strike on your submissive’s body. Remember: you do not want to strike the same spot over and over. No one likes the same spot touched, hit, or pet over and over. You must always vary where you spank, lick, bite, or hit.

Then, remember to hit the more fatty areas. There are lots of diagrams available online.

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And finally, do not start by just wailing away on your submissive. People need to be eased into pain a little at a time. It’s a lot like the penetration part of sex, where you should not just shove your dick in and start fucking like a jack rabbit (unless you have a tiny penis- then it’s probably okay.) But to be good at it, you want to build up to the intense part over time, right?

So with flogging, start out slowly, with lazy figure eights that hit lightly. Think of it as a caress, because the suede tails should feel like a lover’s caress when they touch the skin. As you go, build up the intensity and let the flogger move faster and faster. This will help you build up to striking harder and harder.

Remember to be careful not to let the flogger wrap around your submissive and snap the front of them, because the added force from that an cause broken skin even with a suede flogger. If you’re nervous, stick to the middle first. This is particular true as you start to hit harder.

As you get more experienced, there is a huge variety of types of floggers that you can check out. It really all depends on how far your submissive wants to go. After all, metal-tipped tails are not for everyone, but for some folks, they’re a favorite. Don’t forget to communicate!

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