Feminism in BDSM



Feminism in the BDSM community is a confusing issue. Of course, feminism means being able to do whatever you want regardless of your gender. So, being a stay-at-home-mom is fine if you chose it, and being a career woman is fine if you chose it. Because the point is the freedom to have your own opinion and make your own decisions, regardless of gender stereotypes.

That being said, the majority of the couples in the BDSM community here in Portland (and other places I have been) seem to be male Doms and female submissives. And I KNOW those women are choosing to be submissive so it shouldn’t bother me (as long as it’s a choice it’s okay, right?). Yet somehow, it really does bother me sometimes.

I mean, I’m not the only one having these issues. The internet is full of women debating this. So I tried to narrow down what exactly it is that bothers me about all the men and women playing out “traditional gender roles” in the bedroom. (Traditional gender roles as per society throughout history; i.e. women being submissive to men.)

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Now, as you know, I worked for several years as a Dominatrix. I spent a lot of time dominating men. So, unlike most women who have written about this issue, I don’t fall on the submissive side of things.

Some have suggested that being mostly a Domme means I’ll just never “get it.” But, I have switched before, and I do sometimes take a more submissive role. I’d like to think I have a well-rounded perspective on the subject. Or at least, enough all-around experience to have a decent idea of the various opinion involved.



So here’s the deal:

Men in lots of countries in the world still buy and sell women. Women are still exploited in many ways. My friend in Pakistan posts awful stories about girls being forced to marry men older than their fathers. The sex trade in places like the Philippines is disturbing. In Iran, women are stoned to death for the crime of being raped.

And even in countries that think they are progressive like the USA, studies show that women still make less money than men, and are still pushed into secretary and teaching positions, while being pushed away from engineering and science.

We have a lot of work to do all over the world to reach equality.

And when you realize that, you have to accept that women were submissive socially to men until very recently; and for most of recorded history in most countries around the world. Men have nearly always been in charge of the government and the courts in societies, and as such, they have almost always controlled the destinies of women.

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I know this is why it bothers me to see so many women acting as submissives. I want women to be equal to men socially, in every society on Earth. And because they are not, I sometimes get frustrated that so many women choose to be submissive.

So I’d like to apologize to any female subs I have offended over the years. I am trying very hard to be accepting of your choice. Just remember to make sure it IS always your choice, and let’s keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

From the Other Side

Rope is always a good start to a night.


I am not a trusting person. For me, this is terrifying. And yet, it’s an experience I want to have. I try to prepare myself by sitting in a submissive pose, with my shoulders hunched down and my legs crossed and hidden under the chair. I make myself as small as I can, and as my body leads, my mind follows. I begin to feel more submissive; more ready for this experience.

He comes into my house looking serious and businesslike. He uses a commanding voice, and tells me to strip. I stand meekly, with my eyes lowered to the floor. He watches me intently as I take my clothes off, so I feel more shy doing it.

When I finish, he lets me stand there naked for awhile before he speaks.

“On your knees,” he says.

He grabs my hair then, and wraps it around his hand so he can hold me still.

“What do you want, slut?” he asks.

“Only to please you, Master,” I reply quickly.

He pulls harder on my hair, and I let a gasp escape my lips.

“I enjoy the sound that my hand makes when it slaps your ass,” he says. “Come bend over this chair.”

It’s a recliner-style chair. The back is padded, and I think my master is kind to give me something soft to lean over for support. As I bend over, I feel terrified. The fear of pain is often worse than the actual pain. I think I tremble a little. The chair is vinyl and it is cold against my skin. I feel very exposed as I stand there naked, bent over, with my ass in the air. He runs his hands softly over my ass, letting my tension build.

“When I hit you, you must thank me and ask for more,” he says.

I find this very humiliating. When he hits me, I will want to beg him to stop. So of course, he is going to make me thank him and ask for more. He knows how hard it will be for me, and I think he is wicked.

It comes suddenly. Thwack! It stings so much! I want to cry out. I want to tell him to stop. I want to tell him I changed my mind and I don’t want to try being submissive. I want my power back! Yet I am stubborn too, and I know I should be able to bear up to the night I asked for.

“Thank you, Master” I manage to say. “May I please have another?”

“Why yes, you nasty little whore, you certainly may,” he says. He sounds so sadistic!

It continues for what feels like forever. He hits me harder and harder. I have to beg him for more. Every time I ask him to hit me again, it feels more humiliating than the last. It hurts so much my eyes are stinging as the tears come; completely against my will. I don’t cry! Yet, here I am blinking away tears.

I hear my voice break the next time I say “Thank you, Master. May I please have another?”

He grabs my hair and pulls my head back roughly.

“No, you may not,” he says harshly. “You may see how purple your ass is. Go into the bathroom now and look at it.”

I do as I am told, though it is hard to walk. In the bathroom, I turn enough to see my ass in the mirror. It is very purple, and somehow seeing it makes it hurt that much worse. He comes in and laughs at me, as I stand in front of the mirror looking at my bruised ass and crying.

“You are so easy to break,” he says. “But I’m far from done with you. You have a long night ahead of you. Get kneel on the yoga mat in the living room.”

I obey, and he stands over me. He unzips his pants, take his cock out, and shoves it in my mouth without any kind of warm-up or a word of warning. He grabs the sides of my head and holds on tight, and he fucks my face hard. I feel him inside my throat, and it hurts. I can only breath when he slides out, so I gasp then. When he thrusts in, I choke and gag and struggle. He doesn’t stop or even ask if I am okay. He just keeps fucking my face while I struggle and the tears keep running down my face.

Finally, he pulls out and cums on my face. I feel his cum sprinkle onto my skin and mix with the sweat and tears. He laughs at me.

“You look like such a pathetic little whore,” he tells me. “Now, don’t even think about getting up. I want you to smear my cum around on your face. Mix it up with your sweat and tears. I want to see you all sticky and dirty like the nasty little whore you are. Tell me how much you love to be my little slut.”

I reach up and rub my face, feeling the sticky wet mess all over my cheeks.

“Thank you for honouring this slut with your cum, Master,” I whisper. “I am so grateful that you let me please you with my mouth. I hope I have made you happy.”

He laughs. “Oh, not yet,” he says. “I am not nearly finished with you. I told you that you were in for a long night. When I am done enjoying how you look with cum and tears all over your pretty little face, I plan to rape you with random things in your apartment. Do you think your tight little cunt can handle a beer bottle? Because, I want to shove one up inside you. You’re not good enough for my cock, but I think I’ll enjoy fucking your cunt and your little asshole with some things I find in your house.”

I am afraid now. It sounds so painful. What if he hurts me? Can a beer bottle tear my pussy?

He starts looking around my house- and then he finds it. My toy box is under the couch. It’s where I keep my strap-on to fuck my pet, as well as all my whips and chains and toys.

“Jackpot,” he says.

He looks through the box, occasionally asking me if I like this toy or that toy. He tells me he will shove every one of them inside me. I feel myself getting more and more tense. I also feel his cum drying on my face. It’s itchy, and I want to scratch, but I know that would make him angry. I feel very humiliated  there on my knees watching him look through my toys, while his cum is drying on my face.

He finds my rope. He tells me to lay on my back on my table, and he starts to tie me up. He binds my hands and feet. He binds my breasts, until they ache from the ropes around them. They swell, and he seems to enjoy that. He puts nipple clamps on my nipples, and they swell as well. I find myself completely bound on my table, with my legs spread wide, tied to my arms. I am wide open, and I can’t help being afraid with my pussy and asshole to exposed.

As if reading my thoughts, he pulls one of the biggest dildoes out of my toy box. He slaps me across the face with it. It stings, but it also helps the itchiness. I try not to let on that I liked it a little.

“Why don’t you get it wet?” he says as he shoves it in my mouth. It’s huge, and it doesn’t really fit, but he forces it. “Lick it. Spit on it you little slut!”

When it’s wet, he walks around the table and looks at me. He slaps my pussy hard, and I squeak involuntarily. I think he will fuck me in my pussy then, and I am wet in spite of myself. I am dripping, in fact. I actually start to ache with how much I want it. But he doesn’t give it to me like I think he will. Instead, he suddenly shoves the huge, black dildo deep into my ass.

The pain is intense. The dildo is wide, and I feel my asshole stretch as it is filled up. He laughs at my surprise, and he sounds to vicious. He starts fucking me with it, hard. I feel it slam in and out of me, and it feels good even as it hurts. Because I am on my back, some of the wetness from my pussy drips down, so at least there is enough lube for what he is doing.

Then, he shoves it is and gets a scarf. He ties it around me in such a way that it is holding the dildo in my ass.

“Get ready for my fist,” he says.

I am not ready, but he doesn’t seem to care. He starts by plunging three fingers in. He works them in and out a few times.

“You are so wet,” he says. “You like being fucked in the ass, don’t you? You nasty little whore. You LOVE a big cock in your ass. Look how wet you are! A dripping cunt doesn’t lie. You are loving this. What a little slut you are!”

He adds another finger. Now he is fucking me with four fingers. He closes his hand together and adds his thumb. As his whole fist shoves inside of me, I scream and try desperately to squirm away. It is so painful that I can’t stand it and I beg him to stop. I don’t say my safeword though, so he keeps his fist inside me. He starts to move it in and out, in and out. I feel like i am being torn in half. I’ve forgotten all about my safeword. I scream and beg and tears well up in my eyes again. I am overwhlmed, and I feel the muscles in my strain. In spite of the scarf, the dildo is pushed out of my ass.

“You naught girl,” he says. “I wanted you totally filled and you pushed the dildo out of you. Oh… I am going to have to punish you for that.”

He withdraws. Then he comes back with a whip. Before I know what is happening, he is whipping my pussy and my tits. He does it so hard that the welts raise immediately  He doesn’t even tell me to thank him, he just hits me while I scream.

When he stops, I am covered in welts. He unties me. He tells me to get to get on my knees. He tells me to bow down all the way to the floor and lick his feet. Does he really expect me to do this?!? Feet are so gross!  I feel like I am going to break a lot of boundaries tonight…