Persecution of Kink

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I have been to several sex clubs and sex-related parties around the world. My favorites include Club Desire in Seoul, and The Velvet Rope in Portland. I have a lot of good memories there, and I hope to get to go back some day.

Most cities don’t grant zoning for a sex club. Portland happens to be one of the few places that does, and so The Velvet Rope is “legal.” Meanwhile Seoul does not grant zoning for a sex club, so Club Desire is “illegal.”

I don’t know why anyone thinks they should have a right to tell grown-ass consenting adults what to do in private clubs. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why it’s anyone’s fucking business.

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Yet, there is a worldwide crackdown going on, and it’s targeting open-minded people who like to have fun.

Recent reports came out about a club in Thailand where consenting adults (mostly married couples) attended an orgy were treated as though they were criminals. First off, if a hotel of all places can’t host an orgy then who the hell can?!? But more than that, how dare the news outlets write it up like the attendees were criminals? They broke no laws, and were released without charges. But of course they were, because having consensual sex is not illegal yet.

Just the next day reports came in about Fetlife parties being hosted at a private home in Colorado. All the windows were shut and shuttered and no one broke a single law, but the news still wrote it up as though people having consensual sex was a crime! The residents admit that no noise ordinances were being violated and there was literally no law at all being broken, but said they still planned to stop it.

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All this comes in the wake of the US law FOSTA-SESTA being passed. This law claims to “stop sex trafficking.” However, what it really does is give the government a license to shut down any website where a person could meet a sex worker. Oh sure, it started with Backpage and the Craigslist Personals, but do you think they are going to stop there?

After all, I have had prostitutes solicit me on Tinder and OkCupid. I have my gender set to “male” on Facebook and I get sex workers trying to add me all the time on there. They claim to be “models” but then offer to meet up for money.

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Basically; our freedom to be kinky and have fun sex is being attacked from every angle. After all, you may be able to get a prostitute on OkCupid, but we don’t use it for that. We use it to meet other kinky people because they have questions that allow you to imply that you are into kink and get matches of other people who are as well.

Of course, I am saying that kink is in danger from all of this -and it is- but that’s not the only issue. I may selfishly be more worried about kink than other aspects of this law because it has a direct effect on me. However, this also really puts sex workers in danger, and I think that is something that everyone should be upset about.

There will always be people who sell their bodies. Coal miners, for example. They are going to die of black lung, but they choose money over their health and do a job that makes them sick. Workers in oil fields are the same, as are fire-fighters. If you put your life and health in danger for money, then you are selling your body.

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Yet sex work is treated differently from these other types of selling your body. Why? It’s the same thing, except the health risks are not as bad. And like all other ways that you can sell your body, these people should be allowed to have unions, healthcare, and everything else any other job has. Instead, we are going the other way and taking away their rights and their safety.

Critics will say “This is about victims of sex trafficking” and then they will lie to you and quote over-inflates statistics for how many people are the victims of trafficking. Don’t get me wrong; sex trafficking does sometimes happen. It is a big deal and we should absolutely stop it. However, it’s far less common that conservatives would have you believe, and the only way to fight it is by legalizing sex work.

I am from Arizona. In Arizona you have to get a license to be an exotic dancer. This licensing requirement helps make sure that all the girls are of legal age, consenting to what they are doing, and not trafficking victims. It is a way to make sure that those girls are doing what they want to be doing. I think it costs $15, so it’s not hard to get. You fill out a couple forms and *BOOM* you’re legal.

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If we did this same thing for prostitution, we could easily catch all trafficking victims and rescue them immediately.

Keeping things in the shadows makes it easy for abuse to happen. Bringing things into the light, on the other hand, helps protect people and stop abuse. There is no way around it; because this is backed up by data from the US and from many other countries. Legal and regulated sex work saves lives, and it stops human trafficking.

Meanwhile, “busting” sex clubs, orgies, and sexy parties just makes you a fascist dickbag. And taking down websites just because someone might meet a sex worker on one of them is insane. You could meet a sex worker on nearly any website on the internet. If you want to shut down all websites where someone can meet someone, all that will be left is places to buy things. It’ll be a digital storefront and nothing else. That is not the internet that anyone should want.

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Club Sanctuary

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Oregon has a few options for swingers clubs like The Velvet Rope and Club Privata. They sometimes do kink nights with suspensions and toys, but they don’t have fully-equipped dungeons. For dungeons, there were only a few private choices like Meadhall.  If you weren’t friends with the owners, then you were stuck checking Fetlife.com for kink events put on at various clubs like the Bossanova Ballroom.

So when I heard about Club Sanctuary opening up, I was extremely excited! Portland has needed a public dungeon space, and now they have one.

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Imagine my disappointment when I found out that they have cameras in the front room! I had just written a post about being outed and how it was NOT okay. Then I find out that this dungeon keeps video of the people who play there. That makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Now it’s true, the cameras are only in the main room. And yes, you could wear a mask and clothes that hide any visible scars or tattoos. And if that is your thing, then you should do it. My Pet had a lot of fun there playing kinky Jenga, and if you are fine with being on video at a dungeon, then I highly recommend it.

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Unfortunately, I come from a very old-school way of thinking after 20 years in the kink community, and I am not okay with being outed or risking video evidence of me in a dungeon. So, I did not go in.

I am pleased to say that Pet had a good time. He talked to the owners and said that they seem nice. And he felt that it was at least as nice as the CSPC used to be, minus the library and learning annex.

As for me, if they decide to get rid of the cameras, I will be happy to go. Until then, I can only tell you that if your personal threshold for exposure is lower than mine, you will probably like it and you should check it out.

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Best Of Post

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Well, it’s time for those of us who use the Western Calendar to think about the new year. I suppose those who use the Lunar Calendar might be thinking ahead as well. Anyway, it’s the time of year when you see a lot of “Best Of” posts.

So, I decided to do the Best of the Magically Delicious Super Slut. That way, you can send a link to this post to your friends who aren’t already reading, and they will perhaps be impressed enough to come back.

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The most popular posts are always sex club reviews. You guys sure want to get out and fuck in front of people, don’t you? Unfortunately I have only lived in two countries, so most of my reviews are from those countries. There’s Club Desire and Club Yesica in South Korea, and then The Velvet Rope, The CSPC, and Club Sesso in the US. You should definitely let me know if you want to write a guest post about a sex club you have been to somewhere else. I would love to add to the collection.

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I put a lot of work into my Fetish Series. I’ll be honest; I am probably on an FBI watch list for Googling some of those things. However, it was a good series that covered a lot of ground, and I think it worked well to illustrate the point that there is a lot out there in terms of fetishes, and none of it is inherent bad.

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I have always been a huge supporter of women’s rights, and I am a huge fan of women standing up for themselves. So, you should definitely read about why Slut Shaming is Wrong. Lots of folks didn’t get the message and continued to send ignorant comments my way, so then I wrote Slut Shaming is Still Wrong. They are still some of my favorites.

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Of course I feel far too fondly about the post I wrote a few months after my wedding. It was a long-standing joke among my friends that no one would ever “catch me,” and that nothing on Earth could drag me to the alter. When I finally did get married, (only with the promise of an open relationship,) I was surprised to find that my friends were traditionalists in many ways, and expected me to conform to typical social conventions.

Of course there is a lot of educational stuff too, but I suppose you can find that on pretty much every kink blog these days, so it’s not really what makes me unique.

So now you have a Best Of post to show your friends, and if you missed any of those posts, maybe now you can take a second to check them out. Happy New Year!

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Promoting Your Blog

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I have never actually promoted this blog.

I wouldn’t really know how to start, I guess. I have had a few guest posts over the years, and those have helped gather me a few loyal fans.

I have even done a few guest posts as well, because I am told that is an important thing to do in order to network in the blogging world.

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In addition, I have written about some popular places like Club Desire, and that has helped me gain a few followers as well. And there’s posts about awesome places like The Velvet Rope and the CSPC. That helps.

It’s been three years, and I still only get about 150 hits a day on the site. However, I consider that pretty good when I think about how I started out “screaming into the void” without a single follower.

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However, I do want to ask for advice. I don’t want to hire an SEO company or anything sketchy like that.

I am just curious how other people promote their blogs, or if you had any suggestions. I am hardly a professional blogger. I just do this in my free time. However, I know some of you that read are professional bloggers, and I thought you might have tips.

As always, you can get in touch with me via my email at ladyvioletemail@gmail.com

(Or you can leave a comment on this post, of course.)

Thanks for reading!

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Generally Accepted Terms

I have lamented before that every community used different terminology for different things, and how this can be confusing if you travel a lot. Every scene has their own inside jokes. However, there definitely are some terms that are generally accepted in all scenes, and it’s important to get them right. People can’t make informed and consensual decisions if they are not properly informed of what is going to happen, after all. And we do always strive for safe, sane, and consensual fun.

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Munch: A munch is when a group of kinky folks get together in a vanilla setting. This often involves going somewhere that serves food, so the term “munch” refers to that. However, I have also attended munches at theme parks, disused prisons, and various other interesting locations.

Note: When you agree to go to a munch, you are expected to dress vanilla unless otherwise specified. It is mostly about getting a chance to meet people, and it is generally assumed that the discussion of kink will be saved for more private areas where no one can be overheard and “outed” by accident to a co-worker of family member.

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Workshop: This is when someone who has some sort of area of expertise chooses to teach the basics to others. This is generally in a private space, like a home or rented club. Dress as specified, because sometimes a group doesn’t want to attract attention, and will ask for vanilla dress. My favorite workshop that I have attended was at a public dungeon called the CSPC, and again, this was strictly for learning purposes. Play is not on the table for such events.

Note: When you agree to go to a workshop, you realize there will be frank discussions about kink-related things. A good presenter usually makes handouts, and sometimes brings another person to demonstrate a specific thing (for proper flogging techniques, I might bring my husband and demonstrate on him.)

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Play Party: For a play party, you can expect it to be at a private home because most are. Usually you will be invited to bring your own toys, and other people will bring theirs. It is okay to actually use the toys, and sometimes toys can be shared between consenting folks, so make sure to bring cleaning agents if you plan to bring toys and loan them out. Again, you may be asked to dress vanilla so as not to attract attention to the house of the host, or you may be invited to dress in kink attire. Always ask.

Note: When you agree to go to a play party, you are obviously consenting to seeing people naked. After all, a good flogging session doesn’t involve clothes. You will see other people playing. Note that you must always give a decent amount of space for a scene, so the Dom has room to swing things and not hit you. Remember that it is never okay to interrupt someone else scene or try to involve yourself if you were not invited, and it is never okay to touch someone else’s toys without permission.

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Orgy: These can be at swinger’s clubs like The Velvet Rope and Club Desire, or they can be at a private home. Generally it is expected that you will bring condoms (regardless of your gender) and that you will follow the same rules as a play party in terms of respecting someone’s space unless invited. Even at an orgy, rape is still not okay. Dress, again, depends on the host. Many people who host parties do not want their neighbors to know, so vanilla clothing is often expected.

Note: Going to an orgy does not mean you consent to sex. You can just go and watch. People are still expected to respect your personal space unless invited into it, and you should still negotiate all scenes before they take place. You are consenting to see people naked, but this does not mean you have to be naked. Remember to give everyone space and, as was the motto of Club Sesso, “Don’t be a creep.”

Remember: If you organize events, you need to use the correct terms. People need to know what they are consenting to in advance. You do not want to create an atmosphere where people feel uncomfortable, because this reflects poorly on the community as a whole, and no one should want to do that.

Trying to date Vanilla Folks

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(Note: I should disclose that I am on some antibiotics that are making me feel pretty bad right now. So if I sound meaner than usual, I guess that’s why.) 

I’ve mentioned already how I am currently living on the island of Guam, and how there is a distinct lack of kinky folks here. So as a result, I’ve been talking to some vanilla people.

Now, I know that some vanilla folks are curious and might want to try kink stuff, so I don’t dismiss them out-of-hand. You never know what someone might want to try, and people can surprise you.

However, I do state on all my online dating profiles that I AM kinky, and that I am looking for a kinky partner. Ergo, it would seem to me that it’s obvious enough that I am not looking for someone who wants to have the kind of sex that will bore me. (And I know not all kinky folks are bored by vanilla sex, but without some sort of power dynamic, I can’t seem to get aroused.)

So I bring it up with the vanilla folks who flirt with me. I ask if there is anything they are curious about, or if they have any legitimate interest in kinky sex. And thus far, they have seemed not only disinterested, but frightened.

So I suggest looking up fetish lists or kink worksheets online. I suggest reading up on BDSM to see if they might have interests they are as of yet unaware of.

Thus far, my experience has been that vanilla people are judgmental of my lifestyle and afraid of what it might entail.

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In addition to being judgmental and frightened, a lot of them just kind of bum me out. Here are a few things I have actually had said to me by more than one person:

“Well, there’s about 10 guys to every woman on island, so it’s impossible to get laid here.”

(Let’s talk about how it is not my responsibility to “get you laid.” Your insecurity over not usually being the one guy out of ten that a girl will pick makes you sound unattractive to say the least.)

“I mean, she gave me a blowjob so I guess it was worth going out with her. But then she wanted me to go down on her and I was like NO.”

(You are literally telling me up front that you are a selfish lover and I will get no pleasure from sleeping with you.) 

“I dunno, I mean, I’ll try everything once; but I’m not really into all that weird stuff.”

(You are implying a judgement of my lifestyle while yet again making yourself sound awful in bed.)

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I can’t figure out how guys think that saying things like this to me will make me want them. First, if you’re a guy who expects blowjobs but won’t go down on a girl, then you suck. A lot. And no girl will want you. I don’t agree with all the things they say (because every girl is different and I don’t like what they like in bed) but I think Tammy and Nicole make a great point in their piece “How To Eat Pussy;”

“When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town.”

So look vanilla guys, bragging about how you don’t give head is just sad. I expect oral sex. And I expect a lot more on top of that.

What I imagine when a vanilla guy tells me that he doesn’t even go down on girls is sex like I had when I was 13. Awkward, devoid of orgasm (again people, as Mary Roach writes about in the non-fiction science book Bonk: MOST WOMEN CAN NOT HAVE VAGINAL ORGASMS,) and boring. I’m expecting that you will probably want to kiss a lot (not one of my favorite things), then maybe play with my nipples or something, and then have penetrative sex until YOU get off, while I lay there bored and unfulfilled.

So why would I want that?

Well the answer is that I don’t. I really, really don’t. I could have more fun staying home and watching Porn.

So please guys, if you are vanilla, don’t bother to write to me thinking that I’m going to save you from your sexless life on Guam and give you a pity fuck. I am a slut, but that doesn’t mean I am the slightest bit interested in bad sex. I call myself a slut because I LOVE sex. I enjoy it, and I seek it out often. I like sex clubs like The Velvet Rope, Club Desire, and Club Sesso. I like new and different ways of playing, like the toys invented by Doctor Xtreme.

If you want to impress me, then why don’t you learn a little about kink before you talk to me, and then list specific things you are interested in? As I have said, there are loads of lists online. I recommend the CEPE printable list because it’s comprehensive. But you can look through anything kink-related you like to get ideas.

The key thing to remember is that there is always a power dynamic in the background, and that is what makes kink so exciting. It’s as much in your head as it is outside of your head with whips and chains. And it’s fair to say that if you’re not into it at all, then you probably never will be.

So in spite of your apparent lack of options, I still recommend you find someone else. I know that sounds harsh and I’m sorry, but I’m not having sex with someone just because they’re desperate. I want to have sex I can enjoy too. And I’m not going to compromise my desires for you.

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Deacon X at The Analogue Cafe

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Sunday I went to Deacon X Fetish Night at The Analogue cafe in downtown Portland.

For those who have never been to a fetish night, it is a great experience. There is usually a lot of different toys you can check out, like various whips and paddles, and a violet wand. If you’re new to kink, these “tastings” can help you figure out what you might like, and give you a chance to play in a risk-free environment without having to buy the toys first.

All new folks to the community should definitely take a night to go to a fetish event like Deacon X or a fetish prom, to have the opportunity to experiment.

I appreciate the fact that the first thing they did was put tape over both sides of my camera phone. This is to discourage pictures, since there is nudity. The girls who agree to be rope bottoms or anyone who does demos nude agree to put on a show for the guests, but NOT for the internet.

And there were some lovely performers. I particularly appreciated the girl who danced in a hula hoop suspended from the ceiling. I wish I could have found a picture online.

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I also want to mention that it was my second time seeing a guy in the Portland area who goes by Nobel. I had seen him before at The Velvet Rope with my brother. He’s one of the better rope suspension artists I have seen, and that’s saying a lot coming from me. If you’re ever in Portland, I’m told he teaches rope classes, and if you’re into Shibari, you should check it out.

It was a really good night and Portland kinksters can be very friendly at events. If you happen to be in Portland on a Sunday night when Deacon X is going on, I’d recommend checking it out.

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